Another random thought running around in my head

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Californiablonde, Jan 12, 2018.

  1. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    I am sick and run down, as I have been battling a nasty virus for the last month that I can't seem to get rid of. In between working and going home and feeling like death, I have been feeling depressed and out of sorts. I keep feeling like I just can't seem to win for losing, and the expression goes, because no matter how nice I am to people, I don't seem to be getting much in return.

    So a little of my religious back round is I am born again Christian. I have been taught all of my life that we are supposed to give out of the goodness of our own hearts, without expecting anything in return. I am naturally a very good, overly giving, too nice of a person, and the only things I ever expect to get in return are respect and common courtesy. Most of the time I get neither. I am talking about all types of relationships, including my kids, family members, friends, and relationships.

    I give and give and give, and they take and take and take, and I don't usually get a good response. I get taken advantage of. I get disrespected. I get people walking out of my life without explanation, because they don't think they owe me one. Have I been wrong all this time expecting anything? My religion tells me so. According to my bible, we are to be Christ like, and give regardless of what we get back. I keep getting disappointed when people don't treat me as kindly as I do them, and I am getting sick of it.

    You would think at my age, I would be getting tougher, getting used to it, and dealing with it better. I'm not. I just continue to hurt more and more each and every time I am let down. I tell myself to expect nothing, but still get disappointed. So I am seriously wondering, was I being too selfish? Should I really expect nothing, as the bible tells me so?
     
  2. GStorm

    GStorm Becoming Independent

    I don't know how to respond because I am in the same boat. I have been treated for bipolar and am struggling too, as I have a huge heart and thin skin. I have set boundaries with my 32 y/o son. You can read my post. I feel hopeless and depressed because I have been so hurt. Like you, I try to live like Christ. What I am coming to in my mind is either I can either have a pity party or start increasing self care. Even Jesus went to get some solitude. We do not know all the reasons why we go through what we do, why people we think love us walk away &/or betray us, but for whatever reason, there is something better for us & it may noy even be in this life. Remember, Jesus went to the garden of Gestheme, asking why and petitioning to God to pass the bitter cup. I have faith that in the end, there is a better world for us. This place us not my home. But I do not have it in me to retaliate and be nean back to people. This is the gift (sometimes a burden) that I will bear for my Lord.
     
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I tend to give a lot, like to a homeless person on the street, unwanted animals, kids who need an ear and one I drove a lady every day for a month trying to find a place where she could rent with seven young children and we found her a place!

    I expect nothing back except the selfish good way I feel when I do it. These are not people who are close to me....I just chose to lend a hand.

    For my husband and kids I give lots and get lots. This was not so much with men I dated when I was single or with casual friends. I observe that if you give too much to people who you care about, but whom you are not sure cares back, you get seen as a doormat and it does not work. Trust me, you are not alone. Everyone needs boundaries. Everyone needs to be able to say no. I am not a Christian, but are you not supposed to be good to yourself too? Can you not say "I am so sorry but I can't" and still be a Christian? Can you not eliminate toxic people from your life for both of your good? Can you not love them even if you can't socialize with them? Is love not enough?

    I think that being giving is not supposed to be without boundaries or expectations of receiving gratitude in return, at least from close people.

    When I give to somebody helpless whom I don't know,there is no expectation. If I give to a friend I at least expect them to treat me well. To at least be warm and say thanks.

    I don't know if any religion expects us to give to ungrateful people. Have you read the Christian book Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend? This is a great place to start.

    I believe that we are here to learn unconditional love, but this includes loving ourselves too. Respecting ourselves.

    I hope you do read the book and have peace tonight.
     
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    Last edited: Jan 15, 2018 at 9:15 AM
  4. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Hi Cali,

    Hope you are feeling better.

    If you feel you are being taken advantage of, then you probably are.

    Time to step back from whomever is making you feel this way. Reevaluate what type of relationship, if any, you should have with that person.

    How is everything going with you otherwise?

    Apple
     
  5. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Sounds like a good book. I will check it out on Amazon. Thanks.
     
  6. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    I will type more of an update regarding my daughter in PE when I get a chance. I have changed my signature a little bit to update what is going on with her. Suffice it to say, it's not good...sigh..