appropriate consequences...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ksm, May 31, 2013.

  1. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    what would you moms of teen difficult child's think would be an appropriate punishment...

    Yesterday, difficult child and friend down the street went to the public pool that is about 4 miles from our home. Friend's mom drove them there. My difficult child has a summer pass, and had picked up a one time free swim day for her friend to use. The plan was for friends mom to pick them up at 6:30 when it closed. In the meantime, easy child and her friend decided to go, so I drive them, and the plans were for this friends dad to pick them up at 5:30 when he got off work.

    easy child's friend left early with another friend, so easy child askded difficult child and her friend for a ride home. The mom called and said, easy child wants a ride home with her at 6:30, it that OK? So then everything was set for both girls to get home.

    Sometime about 6pm difficult child and her friend and about 3 other kids are kicked out of the pool for excessive noise as they didn't get quieter when the life guard asked them to. So, difficult child, friend and others leave, and easy child decdies she had better stick with her older sister. Instead of calling for a ride at the free phone at the pool, they go for a walk in the park to the river, which is about 6 blocks away.

    The mom goes, and finds no one at the pool and waits 15 minutes then drives back home. By then the girls come back to the pool and use the phone to call the mom for a ride. She is furious, tells them to walk home and hangs up. Then she calls me and is still furious and I tell her I would go get the kids. She then decides she will go get her child, and will also pick mine up too (sounded very grudgingly) At this time, I get a call coming in and the kids are now calling me for a ride, and I tell them to wait there, as she is driving back.

    We had just had a talk two days earlier that when they go to the pool, I expect them to stay there the entire time, not leave with any one, not go any place else.

    So, how many days of missing the pool would be appropriate. easy child came back and was apologetic and basically was the one who told me what happened. She is 12 but she could have called me to tell me what was going on. difficult child is 15 and still doesn't accept the fact that she had any responsibility in the matter. She says "I did quiet down after the life guard asked, but the other guys didn't".

    I just get so tired of this stuff. Now, she is supposed to be cleaning up her room, but when ever work is involved she gets a headache. Last night she was a little upset that I wouldn't let her go out in the neighborhood once she got home. Luckily I had company so she didn't do the meltdown I would normally get.

    I know that difficult child and easy child needs consequences or this will get out of hand. The bad thing is easy child is much more likely to not repeat the behavior, but difficult child will probably not learn from this at all. So tired of this koi... KSM
  2. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Give them the same punishment they both did something they knew they shouldn't have. That way they can't use it against you later and say you were meaner to one than the other.

    I would say 1 week with no pool.
  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    Just my opinion, but I think restitution should be made to the Mom who was inconvenienced when the children were NOT where they were supposed to be at the appointed time and who then generously turned her car around and made an extra trip to drive them all home. I think a nicely written letter of apology and a small gift card from each child would be appropriate. Perhaps a $5 card to a local coffee shop, eatery, or gas station.

    I would not worry about additional grounding - just making restitution to the Mom should be enough....
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Definitely an apology note; I'm into that. And a gift card would be nice. I've had difficult child offer cash and the moms are always too embarrassed, proud, whatever to accept cash. Which is understandable.
    And boy, oh boy, is this stuff familiar! And it's typical teen, as well. My easy child and her friends pulled this a few times.
  5. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the great ideas for the note of apology and gas gift card. I will work on that today... The girls will mow the lawn to earn money for gift card.

    The only thing I was coming up with was finding a swimsuit and hanging out at the public pool with them all afternoon. Mary
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    That's what MY mom would have done... nothing like the embarrassment of direct parental supervision...
    Maybe make that a "threat" for next time?
  7. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I can definitely hang out at the pool! Today, they both helped mow the lawn to "earn" money for the gas gift card. They both wrote a note of apology and difficult child delivered it. KSM
  8. TeDo

    TeDo CD Hall of Fame

    To be honest ksm, that is exactly what I have done. Not necessarily for the embarrassment factor but rather as an "I can't trust you to be there unsupervised" factor. They couldn't go to the pool if I wasn't able to be there to supervise. Given how I look in a suit, I sat under the umbrellas in shorts and shirt, read a book, and "watched" them. When I got tired of being there, they had to leave with me. Any fuss would set the "no pool" rule. Of course, I had to give them the full, clear-cut rules ahead of time.
  9. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Great responses, it certainly appears as if you covered all the bases, ksm, nice job!