Arggg

[crazymama30]

So now difficult child is acting up. He got super angry with me as I talked with his therapist last week about an incident at school. This week he got just as angry with me as I told her about psychiatrist changing his medications. He heard me talking her before his visit today, gave me a super dirty look as he went back into her office. After his visit he was yelling and screaming at me that he cannot trust me, all I do is tell therapist everything, and then he proceeded to go to tears and quit talking to me.

Got home and he threw a fit as I would not let him have chocolate cake before dinner.

My mom and nephew are staying the night (she usually lives with and cares for my grandfather). difficult child and nephew were playing great, having a good time and then it exploded--due to both of them--they were kicking and punching. After an hour they settled down and are great friends again.

husband's psychiatrist finally called me back, and I missed his call. I have been calling him since last Monday.

Last week difficult child's psychiatrist raised his daytrana patch. It is helping, when it stays on! We bumped him the next dose up, 20mg, and the patch seems so much bigger! It rolls and then does not stay on as well and we have a day like today. I think we need to bump something else medication wise, not sure if it would be the abilify or the Lamictal. He is already at 250mg of Lamictal and only 7mg of abilify, so I don't know if any good would come of raising the Lamictal. I know that we need to do something, I am worried about his behavior at school.

 

[flutterby]

I'm sorry you and difficult child had such a rough day.

Are you averse to talking to therapist about difficult child with difficult child in the room? That age is where they really become sensitive to what's being said about them. I always talk to the therapist and psychiatrist with difficult child - even if I say things I don't think she'll like. At least then she doesn't feel like I'm speaking behind her back. I do, though, see therapist separately and we do discuss difficult child, but difficult child doesn't know about it....so no drama.

Just a thought.

 

[crazymama30]

I don't think difficult child would let me speak. It would be ugly, especially right now. He would end up in tears, and meltdown completely. We do email back and forth but I think part of the problem is I really do like her and enjoy talking to her. Guess I will have to get over it.

I think right now I am completely burnt out. difficult child is being a difficult child to the max. husband is at least behaving. easy child is being a butt, I missed husband's psychiatrist's call and husband will be out of abilify tommorrow night. I am making mountains out of everything and need to just chill. yah, like that will happen.

 

[DammitJanet]

Who makes his daytrana patches? If it is Johnson and Johnson they make an awesome cover for patches that go over the patch that is sticky too but bigger than the patch and doesnt come off like the medication patches.

Im not explaining it well but when I used to be on Duragesic patches I had a terrible time keeping them on for the required period of time and I just called the company and they sent me out a huge box of these covers free of charge. They kind of look like the clear square cover they put over IV sites. Stay on through water too.

 

[crazymama30]

Janet, you rock. I work in a wound clinic with all kinds of dressings. I think you are talking about either tegaderm or bioclusive--the same thing--but I never thought of it. Thank you. I will grab one at work today.

 

[Andy]

I have had a few of those, "I can't trust you" reactions after bringing things up to the therapist that difficult child didn't want him to know about. Ohhh, he got so mad at me, felt like I betrayed him somehow. I told him that the reason he is going to therapist is to work through these situations and that therapist can not help him if he doesn't have the entire picture of what is going on. If there was nothing to work on, then he didn't need a therapist. difficult child does not go as often anymore (every 2 -3 months unless something comes up) so I make a list of things that have happened (good and bad) since the last visit. I make three copies, one for difficult child, one for the therapist, and one for me. difficult child gets to read it on the way there or in the waiting room so there are no surprises.

I know this is not always possible. I have still brought things up during my time in the office. One time I did ask to meet with therapist first to present an issue (it did happen to be something difficult child wanted to work on but didn't want to bring up on his own - it was too hard for him to tell his therapist that he had displayed some bad behaviors) and discuss my input in private. I do think that there are things we as parents need to bring out without difficult child's hearing as they will misinterpret our goals. Ideas we want input on without difficult child knowing our thoughts. My difficult child thinks I am attacking him when all I want to do is lay all the cards on the table and work it out.

 

[AnnieO]

You are the parent, and as such get to decide what to tell therapist and what to keep silent. difficult child will just have to learn this.

I think that's the main thing - our difficult children think of themselves as the parents, not us. (And not all of them, and not all the time, either.)

This is why husband is insisting on talking to the PO without Onyxx present.

 

[Andy]

Perfect Stepto2!!! Yes, some of our difficult child's, mine included, try to make the decisions parent's should be making. I think some tdocs make that more difficult as their work is for the child - what does the child want? What will make the child's life easier? It takes a fine line to balance when allowing the child to be a person but at the same time respecting the parent as the parent. My diva visted a therapist who pretty much told us we should let HER set up the family's night time schedule. Ummm - NO!!! I can take her needs into consideration but it is the parent's right to set up that schedule. That therapist admitted that working with children was not his thing so what he was doing was treating her like an adult who he had to help get control of their own life by setting up their daily schedules, ect.

Like Flutterby, I will often times say what I think needs to be said even if I know difficult child will be mad. I usually want difficult child to show his anger toward me in the therapist session so that therapist sees what I am dealing with. Those sessions are for working out emotions and therapist will not understand some if he/she doesn't witness them.

I also let difficult child know ahead of time what I plan on bringing up if it is a major incident. If he says "No, I don't want therapist to know that!", then I make sure it gets brought up. These sessions are not suppose to be super easy for him all the time. I figure if we went in and everything was always "fine" than it is a waste of everyone's time. There are kids in crisis that could have used that time. Might as well use it as it is intended to work on issues.

 

[totoro]

I have been known to yell from the other room the "facts" when K or N are not getting them correct! LOL
I only can hear because they are still pretty young. therapist has sat there while K banged her head against the wall waiting for her to talk about something Mom brought up that she didn't want to discuss.

I just don't care, we use CBT and this is the only way it works, to deal with it. Unless K or N start shutting down too much then therapist stops.

 

[Wiped Out]

I hope today was better. You have so much going on and you deserve a break. Hugs.