eekysign
New Member
OK. So there's an article on CNN right now.This topic is probably the BIGGEST problem I have relating to other people. My personality is pretty no-nonsense; blunt, but honest. Funnily enough, my best friend has been "training" me to "behave" about the issue that this article is discussing for YEARS. I'm learning the phrases, "Oh, that must be so hard on you", "Wow, what did you do then", and "Man, I don't know what I would have done". And I hate it, I still do.
It just doesn't come to me naturally. If you're complaining to me, I'm going to offer solutions, ideas, feedback (For those from the Myers-Briggs world, I am a HARDCORE -NT-). I will attempt to do so tactfully. But since WHEN is it OK to whine whine whine at a friend, and expect them to just sit there and say, "AWWW, you poor baby, how does that make you feel?"????? Now, there are BIG exceptions for things like divorce, death, and cheating, etc. I will sit and console for hours under THOSE situations.
I understand making sacrifices for friends, and I understand venting. But this article is talking about BEYOND occasional venting - it's people who repeatedly go to their friends/loved ones with minor/major PROBLEMS and complaints, but get angry when the friends/loved ones try to offer suggestions.
I know I'm in the minority here, 'cause my best friend is trying to teach me how to handle this kinda thing so I can be a better friend to other people. But am I totally nuts? Am I missing some part of MY mental development? Doesn't this all seem wrong? I agree with the article, if someone TOLD me in the beginning that they don't want me to offer help, well - it would HOOVER to have to listen to 40min of whining and not be a party to the conversation at all, but I'd do it. When did it become normal to shut up and let people mitch and boan at you?
by the way: This was the part that I really was horrified with:
Most of the time, Hinojosa, a 30-year-old firefighter and paramedic, holds back his advice. But recently, he let it all out. "I said, 'Stop being so reactive and start controlling yourself,' " he recalls. "She just lost it."
"You're not hearing me. Stop telling me what to do," Derr said before hanging up the phone. "I ended up getting frustrated because he just wouldn't listen."
Two hours later, Hinojosa called and apologized. Since then, he keeps the advice to himself, even if he's not actually tuned in to what she's saying.
"Sometimes I'll pull the phone away from my ear and just let her vent," he says.
It just doesn't come to me naturally. If you're complaining to me, I'm going to offer solutions, ideas, feedback (For those from the Myers-Briggs world, I am a HARDCORE -NT-). I will attempt to do so tactfully. But since WHEN is it OK to whine whine whine at a friend, and expect them to just sit there and say, "AWWW, you poor baby, how does that make you feel?"????? Now, there are BIG exceptions for things like divorce, death, and cheating, etc. I will sit and console for hours under THOSE situations.
I understand making sacrifices for friends, and I understand venting. But this article is talking about BEYOND occasional venting - it's people who repeatedly go to their friends/loved ones with minor/major PROBLEMS and complaints, but get angry when the friends/loved ones try to offer suggestions.
I know I'm in the minority here, 'cause my best friend is trying to teach me how to handle this kinda thing so I can be a better friend to other people. But am I totally nuts? Am I missing some part of MY mental development? Doesn't this all seem wrong? I agree with the article, if someone TOLD me in the beginning that they don't want me to offer help, well - it would HOOVER to have to listen to 40min of whining and not be a party to the conversation at all, but I'd do it. When did it become normal to shut up and let people mitch and boan at you?
by the way: This was the part that I really was horrified with:
Most of the time, Hinojosa, a 30-year-old firefighter and paramedic, holds back his advice. But recently, he let it all out. "I said, 'Stop being so reactive and start controlling yourself,' " he recalls. "She just lost it."
"You're not hearing me. Stop telling me what to do," Derr said before hanging up the phone. "I ended up getting frustrated because he just wouldn't listen."
Two hours later, Hinojosa called and apologized. Since then, he keeps the advice to himself, even if he's not actually tuned in to what she's saying.
"Sometimes I'll pull the phone away from my ear and just let her vent," he says.
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