At a low point

[healinginside]

I'm at one of my lowest points today. I think one of the lowest in my life.

How do other parents handle questions and inquiries from others while their child is in jail?

My son is in jail. He lives out of state where he was arrested and it is hard to get bond when you are out of state resident.

We were protecting our sanity by not telling anyone in our area about the situation. Our other child is in school and will be graduating this year. We want her to be able to celebrate her accomplishments. She deserves to have a prom and graduation just like everyone else without a grey cloud hanging over it.

I found out today that someone from my son's high school class tracked down his mug shot and posted it to a large group chat, so word is getting out. I've spent most of the day crying.

I have to go through several events for my daughter's graduation and now I'm going to be wondering who knows and who doesn't know.

The words that I am hit with today - humiliation, failure, devastation. I dedicated decades to raising my kids and I did everything that a "good" parent is supposed to do. I taught the difference between right and wrong, the dangers of drugs, and much more.

I'm sorry friends. I just can't stop crying today. I just feel so humiliated. i used to have a nice life. Now I feel like a floating piece of driftwood caught in the tide. I've lost my life and identity. I had a nice, happy life, I followed the rules. I followed the rules as a parent. Yes, I was younger with my son and not as wise, but I was still a good mom. At least I thought I was.

Thank you for "listening"....This board has gotten me through some long nights.

 

[MommaTried24]

I am so sorry because I know how you're feeling. My son just got out of jail today after 5 months in. Another Christmas and birthday behind bars. He's 28 and it is a grey cloud always whether they're in or out. I hope you can find peace in knowing it's nothing you did. I feel like I was a good mother too just like you and I have a tendency to ask, "What did I do wrong?" and "Why did our lives turn out this way?" Just know that you are not alone in how you're feeling. I pray you and your daughter can enjoy this time in her life and not let his choices ruin your lives.

 

[New Leaf]

Healing,
I’m so sorry for your grief and pain. It is so important to get those feelings out.

How do other parents handle questions and inquiries from others while their child is in jail?

Truthfully. We live in heavily populated Oahu, but word spreads fast on an island. It depends on who is asking on what details I share. I have been surprised at how many people I know who have been affected by similar circumstances within their families. Good people who have worked hard to raise their kids.

I found out today that someone from my son's high school class tracked down his mug shot and posted it to a large group chat, so word is getting out. I've spent most of the day crying.

I’m sorry Healing, that is an added stress to trying to process all that has gone on with your son.

The words that I am hit with today - humiliation, failure, devastation. I dedicated decades to raising my kids and I did everything that a "good" parent is supposed to do. I taught the difference between right and wrong, the dangers of drugs, and much more.

I understand how you are feeling. But Healing, the shame does not belong to you. That is a consequence of your son’s choices, not any failure on your part. If we take on all of the emotional baggage of our adult children’s lifestyles we will fall under the weight of it.
That baggage does not belong to you.

I'm sorry friends. I just can't stop crying today. I just feel so humiliated. i used to have a nice life. Now I feel like a floating piece of driftwood caught in the tide. I've lost my life and identity.

When you get yourself together, you will realize that you are the same person you have always been. It is your son who is the floating piece of driftwood. You are the lighthouse shining brightly on the rocky cliff.
Our drifting adult children are not a reflection of us. They take what we have taught them, and make their own choices.

I had a nice, happy life, I followed the rules. I followed the rules as a parent. Yes, I was younger with my son and not as wise, but I was still a good mom. At least I thought I was.

You were a good mom.

Our other child is in school and will be graduating this year. We want her to be able to celebrate her accomplishments. She deserves to have a prom and graduation just like everyone else without a grey cloud hanging over it.

This is not your or your families shame, humiliation or guilt to bear. Your son grew to adult age and made bad choices. The grey cloud belongs to him, not hanging over any of you.
This is your daughter’s time. Our kids are resilient and strong. I’m pretty sure your daughter is determined to enjoy what’s left of her senior year and graduation.
Her brother’s consequences should not be hanging over like a grey cloud.
That would not be fair.
After you shake off the initial shock and reaction of the "cat being let out of the bag", put on your Momma combat boots and fight those emotions and claim back your lighthouse status.
Your daughter needs you to light the way for her.
You can do this by leading the way by understanding that you are not responsible for the consequences your son has, for the choices he made.
You do not need to wear a cloak of humiliation and shame, and neither does your daughter.
As for any who ask what happened? It is up to you what you will share.
For me?
My daughter Tornado has her picture posted on the internet police page, bench warrant for her arrest. It will probably be in the newspaper and on a segment on local news.
That's a first for her, and me.
If anyone asks, I will tell them that I love her and pray for her, but she has made some unfortunate choices.
Period.
Healing, you have got this.
It is time for your Mama bear to come out and fight for stability for your daughter and your household.
Get back on that cliff and let your light shine.
(((Hugs)))
New Leaf

 

[Copabanana]

I have to go through several events for my daughter's graduation and now I'm going to be wondering who knows and who doesn't know.

First I will tell you how sorry I am you received this gut punch. When my son's life went off a cliff, so did mine. It took many years and a lot of posting before I got myself back. So what I write here in no way is to diminish how hard this is. But here goes:

Who knows about your son's arrest and who doesn't doesn't change the situation. It is what it is. Your son was arrested and that is reality. I was arrested twice, as a very young woman. I got educated nonetheless at a fine university and I have been a doctor 35 years. The facts of a person's life are what matters.

What is happening is ugly gossip. And the people spreading it are being ugly.

The facts of your life are what matters. Your value is not in question.

What that young person did to invade your son's privacy and the family's privacy is shameful. I agree with every single word New Leaf writes. You have no shame here. Your conduct is not called into question. Nor your value.

Not one thing happened that needs to take away your daughter's light or your family's pride and joy. The only thing that can do that is if you cave. You don't have to cave. I urge you to stand tall.

 

[ANewLife4Me]

I'm at one of my lowest points today. I think one of the lowest in my life.

How do other parents handle questions and inquiries from others while their child is in jail?

My son is in jail. He lives out of state where he was arrested and it is hard to get bond when you are out of state resident.

We were protecting our sanity by not telling anyone in our area about the situation. Our other child is in school and will be graduating this year. We want her to be able to celebrate her accomplishments. She deserves to have a prom and graduation just like everyone else without a grey cloud hanging over it.

I found out today that someone from my son's high school class tracked down his mug shot and posted it to a large group chat, so word is getting out. I've spent most of the day crying.

I have to go through several events for my daughter's graduation and now I'm going to be wondering who knows and who doesn't know.

The words that I am hit with today - humiliation, failure, devastation. I dedicated decades to raising my kids and I did everything that a "good" parent is supposed to do. I taught the difference between right and wrong, the dangers of drugs, and much more.

I'm sorry friends. I just can't stop crying today. I just feel so humiliated. i used to have a nice life. Now I feel like a floating piece of driftwood caught in the tide. I've lost my life and identity. I had a nice, happy life, I followed the rules. I followed the rules as a parent. Yes, I was younger with my son and not as wise, but I was still a good mom. At least I thought I was.

Thank you for "listening"....This board has gotten me through some long nights.

This hurts me to read healinginside. You are an amazing person you know this right? As I mentioned in another thread, even parents who did all of the right things have the same results. It proves the point that not you, but they are the ones who made those choices. I understand how you’re feeling, the shame. My husband did not want to tell his family about our daughter being in jail, did not want them thinking we were to blame. But you know??? his family is actually supporting us, told him if she wants to act a fool she has to pay the price. His Dad especially is concerned for our safety and is begging us to move before she gets out.

I freely tell anyone my daughter is in jail, not looking for sympathy from them but because I am being honest…with myself. I am overweight and have come to find people judge you for EVERYTHING! I hold my head high and wear those shorts in summer and a bathing suit to the pool. The moral here is you do not have to please everyone, only YOU. My Mom told me a story….There was a black man who was walking down the street in her neighborhood. He was dressed so fine in a white suit, he was happy and confident as he walked on. People STILL took a double take, they still laughed and whispered. People who judge others are actually the ones who have issues in their own lives and judging is a temporary way of getting out of their own pain.

So dear friend, grieve the sadness that he has gotten to this point of being in jail. It’s quite the shock. But, I also beg of you to put it aside and get back to life! Your daughter deserves this tremendous accomplishment in her life and needs you acting a proud parent yelling, clapping and possibly screaming as she walks on that stage to accept her diploma. Make sure to take MANY pictures of you and she, family all SMILING! I have learned this recently as my son I put off, we went out to dinner together again, just he and I this time…and had an amazing time! The weight I carried from his sister took its toll on everyone. Is it easy? We know it’s the hardest thing we will ever do! But, we are cheating ourselves of life, of these great moments, to keep a pain inside going for a child who does not want to change. You be the change! Help her pick out a class ring and her cap and gown. Take her out to lunch, a mother and daughter day. Go get both your hair and nails done….all with smiles on your faces and laughter in your hearts. I will pray for you dear for strength!

 

[Copabanana]

I'm at one of my lowest points today. I think one of the lowest in my life.

How are you? I'm worried about you.

 

[Nomad]

I’m so sorry. How are you feeling today?

I too picked and chose who I spoke to candidly about our daughter. Most others I might say she had “adhd,” which was not a lie. But not the full story by any means.

One day, our son’s best friend tracked down her mug shot. She was conned into participating in something illegal. By a miracle, she was not prosecuted and only spent a day in jail. Fortunately, I think it taught her a lesson.

Our son was shocked that this boy took the time to find this picture and showed him. He also had a co worker do something similar. People can be curious (for lack of a better word) about the dark and sad side of people’s lives.

As far as we know…it wasn’t posted on line….but….
I wouldn’t be surpised at all if these people showed others what they found though (in our case).

Now that my son is older it doesn’t bother him. In fact, he sort of sees it potentially as that these people now have some understanding of the quiet difficulty he experienced growing up.

I myself, forced myself to ignore it. It was NOT easy. People who know me and our family well, know that our daughter and her behaviors have nothing to do with how she was raised , that we are very different and the good ones have some empathy regarding this very difficult situation. It is oddly revealing.

Sending good thoughts for strength. Please post when you are able.

 

[ANewLife4Me]

I too have been thinking of you healinginside, please post how your doing when able.

 

[healinginside]

When you get yourself together, you will realize that you are the same person you have always been. It is your son who is the floating piece of driftwood. You are the lighthouse shining brightly on the rocky cliff.

New Leaf: I love the metaphor of being a lighthouse shining brightly on the rocky cliff!! I keep thinking of this when I get weak and hold myself up and keep going. My new mantra has been "I'm going to lift myself up (like a lighthouse) or God is going to life me up today".

Thank you for always being there for me with your words of wisdom. My mom died over 20 years ago from cancer. There is nothing like this sisterhood to get you through.

 

[healinginside]

Not one thing happened that needs to take away your daughter's light or your family's pride and joy. The only thing that can do that is if you cave. You don't have to cave. I urge you to stand tall.

Thank you, Copa...your words of wisdom have helped hundreds of moms through these dark days. I wouldn't have made it the last week without this board. My deepest thanks <3

 

[healinginside]

This hurts me to read healinginside. You are an amazing person you know this right? A

ANewLife, you've been such a blessing on this board, just sharing your experience and knowing that I'm not alone....I truly appreciate your help during this dark time that I'm going through...you have no idea how it feels to have those that understand when it feels like the world doesn't....THANK YOU

 

[healinginside]

People who know me and our family well, know that our daughter and her behaviors have nothing to do with how she was raised , that we are very different and the good ones have some empathy regarding this very difficult situation. It is oddly revealing.

Nomad - THIS is exactly how my husband feels and encourages me to realize that people know this isn't "us" or our actions, they are his. I truly appreciate your words of wisdom and experience. It's the path none of use wanted or expected to walk, but knowing other's experiences helps guide the way. Thank you.

 

[healinginside]

How are you? I'm worried about you.

UPDATE on the drama:

I spent about four days crying.

This felt worse than my mom passing. If anyone can understand - it felt like my life's work and reputation had been erased.

When he was arrested, I visited my doctor and got a prescription for something to help with acute anxiety (a mother's helper). I finally took one and it quieted me enough to get my balance again. I think I cried all that I could at that time.

I'm still deeply struggling - NOT that my son is in jail, but that someone will come up to my daughter at school and say, "Is your brother in JAIL???" (yes, high school girls can be the worst). I had a conversation with my daughter about it. I felt she needed to be prepared in case she was confronted when she wasn't expecting it. We went over what she would say.

We chose NOT to tell our son about his picture being spread around bc we were worried it would cause a mental health crisis in jail for him (he already has enough of those). We felt there was nothing he could do about it from jail. Was that the right decision?

Word is still spreading. My son had permitted me, when he was in jail, to check his social media accounts to make sure everything was ok. I had not done this until this incident and when I did, I saw that it was his closest female friend that was spreading it. She hardly had the time of day for him when he was struggling and now well, she is all up in our business. Everyone loves a scandal and to see others fall - it helps them feel better about their lives. I did not confront her or anything like that.

No one super close to us knows yet. Trust me - they will come to me when they know.

So, last weekend my son asked me to talk to his public defender about going into a sober living house or a drug treatment program so he could get bond. The public defender said yes, if he went into a drug treatment program, he could get a bond for it. When I went back to my son with this, he said he doesn't belong in drug treatment, that he has been doing well on his drug recovery, and wants a sober living house. I'm at a loss for what to do.

About 90% of me wants to just play dumb and say this is all out of my control and there is nothing I can do about getting you into drug treatment. The other 10% would like to investigate further, try to convince him to go into a drug treatment center, and let this be his first step of redemption. I know if I write and tell him that, if he goes, he will get bonded, he will probably go. I do not know if a treatment center will accept him with his insurance paying for it without him TESTING POSITIVE for drugs. That could be a problem. Anyone with inside on this, please let me know.

He is not going to have a good outcome if he doesn't have support when he is released. I am the only person he has left in this world. He's burnt every bridge. I could get an extra job, and save for a place for him and a car. I feel like if I don't do this, I am being selfish. Or now am I the one being delusional?

I cannot thank each of you enough for your support, advice, patience, and understanding.

I would not have made it through the last week without you! You ALL are my LIGHTHOUSE in the storm.

 

[Copabanana]

We chose NOT to tell our son about his picture being spread around bc we were worried it would cause a mental health crisis in jail for him (he already has enough of those). We felt there was nothing he could do about it from jail. Was that the right decision?

I think it was.

So, last weekend my son asked me to talk to his public defender about going into a sober living house or a drug treatment program so he could get bond. The public defender said yes, if he went into a drug treatment program, he could get a bond for it. When I went back to my son with this, he said he doesn't belong in drug treatment, that he has been doing well on his drug recovery, and wants a sober living house. I'm at a loss for what to do.

As I understand, your son asked about either a sober living house or a drug treatment program. You asked his question to the public defender exactly as your son presented it to you. Your son got the answer he wanted. The public defender said yes, if he went into a drug treatment program, he could get a bond for it. Then: When I went back to my son with this, he said he doesn't belong in drug treatment.

Your son, I think, is playing. He's bargaining. He's manipulating. He's negotiating. He's trying to get his best deal. Your son believes his welfare depends upon what he extracts from you, not what he asks of himself.

This is what needs to happen for him to change himself and his life. He, not you, needs to dig down deep, to truly see how he is living and that he needs to change. He needs his own support, not yours.

. I could get an extra job, and save for a place for him and a car. I feel like if I don't do this, I am being selfish. Or now am I the one being delusional?

He, not you, needs to get that extra job and save for a place for him and a car.

You are not being delusional. But, you may be deceiving yourself. Believing that the problem is in you and that you can solve it. Only he can. The way I read this post is that you followed through with what your son asked. He is pushing for more, for better terms. From others.

Until he learns that the better terms come from within himself, he will keep living as he does. No matter what you do. No matter how much research you do. No matter how many jobs you get. No matter how much you save. No matter how many cars you buy. Or places you rent for him.

The change must come from him.

The change you're responsible for is in yourself. Same for me.

 

[Copabanana]

When I went back to my son with this, he said he doesn't belong in drug treatment,

Fine. This may be so. Or maybe not. Only your son's efforts and commitment will determine the outcome. NOT HIS WORDS. NOT YOUR ACTIONS.

Words are cheap. They are blah blah blah blah.

I would say, let your son take responsibility to determine what he needs. BY HIS CONDUCT. BY HIS ACTIONS.

 

[ANewLife4Me]

UPDATE on the drama:

I spent about four days crying.

This felt worse than my mom passing. If anyone can understand - it felt like my life's work and reputation had been erased.

When he was arrested, I visited my doctor and got a prescription for something to help with acute anxiety (a mother's helper). I finally took one and it quieted me enough to get my balance again. I think I cried all that I could at that time.

I'm still deeply struggling - NOT that my son is in jail, but that someone will come up to my daughter at school and say, "Is your brother in JAIL???" (yes, high school girls can be the worst). I had a conversation with my daughter about it. I felt she needed to be prepared in case she was confronted when she wasn't expecting it. We went over what she would say.

We chose NOT to tell our son about his picture being spread around bc we were worried it would cause a mental health crisis in jail for him (he already has enough of those). We felt there was nothing he could do about it from jail. Was that the right decision?

Word is still spreading. My son had permitted me, when he was in jail, to check his social media accounts to make sure everything was ok. I had not done this until this incident and when I did, I saw that it was his closest female friend that was spreading it. She hardly had the time of day for him when he was struggling and now well, she is all up in our business. Everyone loves a scandal and to see others fall - it helps them feel better about their lives. I did not confront her or anything like that.

No one super close to us knows yet. Trust me - they will come to me when they know.

So, last weekend my son asked me to talk to his public defender about going into a sober living house or a drug treatment program so he could get bond. The public defender said yes, if he went into a drug treatment program, he could get a bond for it. When I went back to my son with this, he said he doesn't belong in drug treatment, that he has been doing well on his drug recovery, and wants a sober living house. I'm at a loss for what to do.

About 90% of me wants to just play dumb and say this is all out of my control and there is nothing I can do about getting you into drug treatment. The other 10% would like to investigate further, try to convince him to go into a drug treatment center, and let this be his first step of redemption. I know if I write and tell him that, if he goes, he will get bonded, he will probably go. I do not know if a treatment center will accept him with his insurance paying for it without him TESTING POSITIVE for drugs. That could be a problem. Anyone with inside on this, please let me know.

He is not going to have a good outcome if he doesn't have support when he is released. I am the only person he has left in this world. He's burnt every bridge. I could get an extra job, and save for a place for him and a car. I feel like if I don't do this, I am being selfish. Or now am I the one being delusional?

I cannot thank each of you enough for your support, advice, patience, and understanding.

I would not have made it through the last week without you! You ALL are my LIGHTHOUSE in the storm.

I am so thankful you have posted, was very worried about you! As you know with my daughter we have been through this for 10 years with her now. I understand perfectly the feelings you are experiencing, the shame and guilt, wracking your brain with how you can help him. I wish you could have followed me in my journey to see that no matter what we tried she only went back to old ways. It’s concerning to me that he refuses a drug treatment program as my daughter is refusing mental health options in jail. He says he can manage his treatment on his own and will only accept a half way house. I don’t think he is owning up to his issues and I would become firm on this if he did not attend drug treatment, your help is done. This is a hard thing to face as I am right now, please don’t let it rob you of 10 years of your life until he decides to really make an effort. I know your pain, I know this is the hardest thing you would ever want to do is not help him. But, my experience and others on the board…..sadly he will tell you anything right now to get bond, Anything! Take it from me that them getting out and going right back to where they were is even MORE painful than you feel right now. You will be absolutely shattered as you put everything into helping him and he just threw it all away. Please think of yourself and your daughter, already she is having to adapt and tell lies because of her brother…is this really fair to her? The pressure she is under as well from a strained relationship with him.

Today I went out, my daughters next hearing is in June….6 months she will have been in jail and think it’s quite possible she will get time served and be released. Everywhere I drove there are bad memories of her and it made me so very sad. It’s over 90 degrees here in Florida and me imagining her out on the streets with not a place to even sleep, no money, no food…..it’s absolutely killing me! I cannot enjoy the things I once loved going to thrift stores as too many memories flood me. But! This is the very last and ultimate thing we have not made her go through for 10 years but, it must be done. PLEASE PLEASE don’t let this get that far with your son. Set the ground rules NOW, I beg of you. He has to want to do these things, and not you forcing them on him with your ideas. It has to come from him.

 

[ANewLife4Me]

Fine. This may be so. Or maybe not. Only your son's efforts and commitment will determine the outcome. NOT HIS WORDS. NOT YOUR ACTIONS.

Words are cheap. They are blah blah blah blah.

I would say, let your son take responsibility to determine what he needs. BY HIS CONDUCT. BY HIS ACTIONS.

I have to agree with what Copa is saying, he is bargaining. Definitely his conduct should be how you react to the situation. I can only imagine your dear heart screaming ….what if he is serious and will change? All these years I myself put on those blinders of her having severe mental issues. But while yes, they do suffer from my daughter is a functioning, capable, manipulative person. I saw this clearly last year she lived with us. She held a job for 3 years, saved 10 thousand dollars on a down payment for a new car. Life was not perfect, we walked on eggshells around our house fearing her next verbal attack but, she was functioning! She knew what to say and the manipulation with everyone was clear as day….except to myself. When she left was my awakening, she chose to leave we did not kick her out. If she had shown me she was taking positive steps to keep on that path as she was of holding a job we still would be working with her. So happens after she had gotten a car old ways came right back. Getting on the dating apps and meeting strange people for sex. She was spending every penny she earned, she brought pot into my house and $300. worth of sex toys to be with someone that weekend. It all fell yet again. So here is where the commitment from them comes in and so sad to say, he is not showing it.

 

[Copabanana]

The other 10% would like to investigate further, try to convince him to go into a drug treatment center, and let this be his first step of redemption. I know if I write and tell him that, if he goes, he will get bonded, he will probably go.

If the public defender says he can be bonded if he goes to a treatment center, I would do what I could (to a point) to help this happen. But I would recognize and try to remember that it is your son's decision. I would not pay anything. I would not incentivize him in any way.. At the onset, I would accept that he may or may not do what you and I would want. I would remember that the decisions about his life are his. His life is his. That means he takes responsibility to live his own life.

When somebody is serious about a goal or action, they do it hell or high water, because they are committed to it. They don't do it because their Mommy sweetened the deal or made all the arrangements. It is this kind of personal desire that makes change happen.

In my own life, I could not accept this for many years. My son has only wanted from me, what he wanted. Not what I wanted for him, or with him. This caused me infinite pain. I resisted it. Now I don't. I still feel pain, but I recognize mostly that I have a choice about how long I sit with it.

 

[ANewLife4Me]

My husband is working with a family right now, the son lives on his “own”. I put own in quotation marks because even though he lives elsewhere his mother is doing everything for him still. She goes over and cleans his house, even does his laundry. She cannot accept her part in why her son is the way he is and why she keeps calling my husband in panic if her son does not call her at such and such time.

Before I would have never saw myself as this mother above but now, I could kick myself so hard for the things I let happen with my daughter. Have a much clearer understanding of my own part in keeping my child dependent on ME. I tell this a lot on here….my daughter told me, “I don’t ask for money or help but, if your going to give it to me…I am going to take it.” Your son being in the very same situation as my daughter may not be pondering how he is going to change, how HE will make his life better. His thoughts are most likely….how can I get Mom to help me get out, what words should I use into manipulating her to do so? To guilt her into thinking she HAS to do this for me because….it’s not my fault that I am this way. My daughter has even threatened suicide so many times….”If I get into jail again am going to kill myself.” Did not happen thank God but you can see the trickery they use to get their way.

At some point I hope you too see yourself as I do now. Someone whose life has value and meaning, who deserves peace, who deserves healthy relationships with other family members. There is no guilt in focusing on you, and letting your son take over the reins during this jail sentence. He can talk to social workers, doctors, psychiatrists, other inmates. He has to want to try.

 

[healinginside]

But, you may be deceiving yourself. Believing that the problem is in you and that you can solve it. Only he can. The way I read this post is that you followed through with what your son asked. He is pushing for more, for better terms. From others.

Wow - this really hit home for me. Gave me chills and I think I needed to read this and hear it at the same time - something clicked in my brain. This has lifted me up a bit from my rut of wanting to come in and fix everything.

Here is how the day went:

He texted me, asking how things were coming along. He also mentioned he was doing well - playing chess, journaling, reading; etc. He seemed good, oddly enough. I think others have mentioned that their children are sometimes at their best during these trying situations.

I responded by telling him that the public defender felt he could get a bond if he went for in-patient drug treatment. I clarified for him that the public defender did not mention a sober living situation. only the in-patient drug treatment.

I mentioned that I was unable to connect with his healthcare provider due to privacy issues (true but I'm really stalling him), and these things are complicated and take time.

When he came out of nowhere and said he doesn't need drug treatment and I realized he wanted sober living - it told me he doesn't value the path of drug treatment and exactly like you pointed out -

I also asked him to do something for me - to continue having a peaceful day, to continue these positive things. He wrote back and told me the name of a treatment center, said his "I'm sorry and love you", and "These are the plans for my future", but he still gave me a vibe that he would rather stay (strangely) where he was instead of going into drug treatment. As you said - I'm not hearing the "I'm completely changing my life" that one would expect to hear if someone was REALLY "completely changing their life".

He's not pressing. I find that odd.

I'm going to take your advice. I will help him find out info since he can't but will NOT rush, push, or (especially) PAY.

Once again, thank you Copa, I've screenshotted some of your posts to refer back to when I'm weak.

Thank you for letting me borrow some of your strength.