At the risk of starting a group ROFL...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by CAmom, Mar 25, 2007.

  1. CAmom

    CAmom Member

    ...I'm going to ask this anyway.

    We have a tradition in our family of giving Easter baskets, and I've made one for my son every year of his life including last Easter when he was 16, and I thought he might be too old for one. However, he reacted with the same enthusiasm he did as a young child.

    So, do you think that I would be compromising our current "tough love" approach by sending him an Easter basket? He certainly hasn't EARNED a treat, but, would this really be a treat since it IS a holiday and a family tradition?

    Okay, you can all pick yourselves up off of the floor now...

  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I've always considered birthdays and Christmas to be exempt from consequences...........but not Easter, CAmom.

    Send him a card and give him an Easter basket if he ever earns the privilege of coming home and can get it in person. Heck, you can do a full-fledged Easter egg hunt then. :smile:


  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Well I might be a tad easier than Suz. LOL.

    What I might suggest is calling the easy child and ask if you could "donate" some easter candy to the group home for boys for easter. When Cory was in wilderness camp I found these really large fillable easter eggs and filled one up for each boy in his group.
  4. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    Tough Love....Tough Love....Tough Love

    I like Janet's idea. Treat everyone if you just have to do something for Easter.

    I would not send just him a treat basket, he already thinks of himself as privledged and not having to conform, getting a basket from you would just prove that he is right.

    I don't mean this harsh, I just really understand where you are at with your son, I have one just like him
  5. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    You may want to check with the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) to see if they even allow stuff for Easter.

    My son turned 17 in jail, he could have nothing

    He turned 18 in rehab, again only candy from the vending machines on the property were allowed
  6. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Geez, CAmom, I started to answer this several times but kept changing my mind about the answer.

    Now, my difficult child was never away at an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) but I did still fix her an Easter basket even when she had left home and things were very strained between us. It just didn't seem fair that I fix one for easy child and not for her.

    I guess part of my answer would depend on your difficult child's views on the holiday. Does he celebrate the religious aspect of it? If his ODDness makes him mock your religious beliefs then I would definitely say no.

    I guess I'm not much help after all. by the way, I plan to fix a small basket for both of my girls (18 and 21) this year.

    Whoever would have thought I would be the PE softie on this?

  7. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    :laugh: :laugh: :biggrin:

    OMG CaMom you truly had me going there. I'm sure you didn't just ask about an Easter Basket :laugh:

    Just giving you grief :biggrin:

    I'd probably just send a card and have a party when he comes home. Holidays are sad when a loved one is not with us. They are even sadder when they've chosen not to be with us due to their actions and their inability to change.
  8. mom_in_training

    mom_in_training New Member

    Ummmmmm Sorry Camom, I am with the majority on this one. Send a nice easter card. All is not well with the choices that he has made and you do not want to increase your difficult children thoughts of entitlement as well as the "I get what I want regardless of what I don't do anyways" attitude.
  9. kris

    kris New Member

    <span style='font-size: 14pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #663366"> i'm thinking it's a safe bet the other kids won't be getting easter baskets from mom so i'm thinking....nope. it would once again make him more *privileged* than the others & reinforce his thinking on that.

    make a basket if you must, but i would keep it until he earns a visit home. i would also make it minimal. some candy & a book maybe? nothing expensive or luxurious.

    i'm so glad we stopped doing this lol.

    </span> </span> </span>
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Well I will be honest and tell you that my boys STILL get easter baskets and we STILL do easter egg hunts! Ok...I must amend that and say that we do the baskets but that last year we did the egg hunt for only Cameron since Cory wasnt much interested and I couldnt go to Jamies.

    Jamie is my easter egg hunter. The first year he was on base I went up there and hid eggs for him and then he and I went up to the gates and hid eggs all around the gates for the other guards to find...lmao.
  11. KFld

    KFld New Member

    My first thought was that I would send him one, because I have treated difficult child the same though every holiday, no matter what. I guess I feel the holidays make difficult child'ness exempt :)so I did as I always have. But then my thought was, worrying about what others are sent there and how others would see his being sent this. Many people in these facilities have no one to send them anything and it can cause friction.

    Hmmmm, this is a tough one. You don't one anyone picking on him either because he receives an easter basket at his age. Maybe I would go with the card and a little note saying you will celebrate all the missed holidays with him the next time he can come home. Maybe make him up one and put it aside for then.
  12. carolanne

    carolanne Member

    Thanks for asking's a question I've been asking myself. I will be sending a card through third party contacts(not allowed direct contact, long story) but aside from that I think treats and gifts are just a reward for her crappy behaviour...something I wouldn't reward here at home.

    I will miss her that's for sure but not her treatment of us..

    Carolanne :coffee:
  13. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I'm in agreement with those who say no to the basket. A nice card is bouth adult and kind. -RM
  14. Getting happier

    Getting happier New Member

    Send him the Easter Basket.
  15. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Well-Known Member

    I wouldn't send him an Easter basket because not only would he appear more privileged than the others but he may also become the object of ridicule. Just my .02.
  16. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Grown Axx Men don't get visits from the Easter Bunny. Nope!
    I think getting him to think about life as an adult would make
    it a definite No. DDD
  17. CAmom

    CAmom Member looks like there is a strong leaning towards no Easter basket.

    Sunny, sorry...I had to ask, and, hey, it gave you a good laugh for the day!! :rofl:

    I believe, I like Karen's approach, make him a basket but put it aside so that we can celebrate that and other missed holidays when he "decides" to earn a visit home.

    I also like the suggestions to send something for all the boys, but the easy child has nixed bringing food items in in the past because, if he allows us do do so, then he must do the same for other parents, some of whom have brought contraband in to their son/s in the past.

    Thank you all, as always, for your opinions.
  18. CAmom

    CAmom Member

    :rofl: DDD, I KNOW it sounds totally stupid. But, I have to tell you that, last year, when he was 16, I thought seriously about not doing the basket thing. But, I did it anyway. However, for the first time, I didn't leave it on the floor outside his room because our blasted kitty loves to eat the fake grass in the basket and then yoiks it up all over the house!

    So, I put it on a small table in a hallway around the corner from his room. When he got up on Easter morning, he didn't see a basket. He came to our room and very sadly said, "I guess 16 is too old for an Easter basket." He was RIGHT on the verge of tears, and he HATES to cry. This is what I've been thinking about.

    That, and the fact that I was very disappointed when my mother stopped doing Easter baskets for my sister and me when we were both around 30!!

    But, DDD, I DID FINALLY discontinue our yearly Easter egg hunt last Easter!
  19. Sue C

    Sue C Active Member

    I also say no to sending the basket. When Melissa acted badly this past year on her birthday, we did not celebrate it--no dinner, no cake, no nothing. I am tired of rewarding bad behavior.

    I gave up hiding Easter eggs for Melissa a few years back (yes, she still wanted me to). She got tired of looking for the eggs and wouldn't finish the search. I couldn't remember where I had put all the eggs (old age, I guess), and I couldn't find the last one for a few days. I told her never again and that was that.

  20. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member






    NO! :nonono:

    1. The group home probably won't allow it anyway...

    2. He has done nothing to deserve it...

    3. The other boys in the home will not be getting Easter baskets from their mommies...

    4. The whole point is to get him thinking like an ADULT, and as DDD so eloquently put it, "Grown axx men don't get..."

    5. You're trying to reinforce the idea that everything is different now because of the choices he has made...


    6. You may very well be setting him up to get his b#typical teen kicked! At the very least, he will be subjected to ridicule and teasing from the other boys ... to say nothing about what they'll probably do to his chocolate bunnies and jelly beans! :redface:

    A nice card will do just fine!