It's becoming clear to me - I won't go into all the ins and outs as to why this light has dawned on me - that a large part of J's oppositionality and perhaps, who knows, other difficulties have their roots in his insecure attachment to me and to his adoptive father. It explains to me, for the first time really, why there is the existence of two Js, so very, radically different - one sweet, innocent, chattering and funny, six years old in all its delightfulness and the other truly like an adolescent with (bad) attitude, obnoxious, constantly needing control, mouthy, loud, manipulative, far older than his years and really unpleasant to be with. The co-existence of these two selves in one little body is really strange - I had the former with me all day yesterday and the latter suddenly jumped out of the woodwork at lunchtime today, for no reason other than that he did not like the lunch I had prepared... To be brief about this, I'm feeling like I've overlooked a whole vital trail and been going down a whole lot of false ones. That's okay... I couldn't see until I saw. But now... I have looked up attachment therapists. The problem is barely recognised in France and there are surprise, surprise, no such therapists in my area. I could get into internet research about it but I REALLY don't want to cobble something together, make stabs in the dark, make things worse with ignorance again. If anyone who knows about attachment disorder and/or therapy would like to PM me, I would be really grateful. I am feeling bad... it's so obvious now, and I know all the reasons why.