Well our computer's little engine exploded... sounds like my difficult child. So it was about 2 weeks without any connection to the world. ( besides our small town paper!) Anyway difficult child's final summary report with the nuero-psychiatric is in another week. But so far with all of the driving/testing long days... he feels pretty confident that she... ADHD, MDD (major depressive disorder) and Sensory Integration Disorder (SID). He is going to elaborate on any other issues he may feel she has next week, after he goes over all of the tests and his findings and studies of her with his colleagues... sigh. (isn't this enough?) The only really cool part was we were able to catch a kind of meduim explosion with violence from start to finish on video, and we showed it to him and our other counselor and they both agreed it was awesome to see and helped really understand a lot!!! She didn't realize it was on, until the end!!! The other funny part was to sit and watch my difficult child go through all of the tests and to realise just how freaking antsy and fidgety she is! She was up on the table within 15 minutes of the first round of tests, shoes off, socks off in his face, lying all over the tests!!! He had to try really hard not to crack up, it was pretty cute and funy. She was spinning circles on her back legs in the air, I had to cover my mouth to not lose it!!! Our wrap around counselor/psychiatric agrees with the diagnosis but she thinks the mdd is bipolar, which scare us. I would rather start with mdd, at least that is a little less severe?!?!!? I know these things can go haywire when puberty hits but we are hanging on to these young years and trying to get some help now so we can help her when that roller coaster ride starts (scary). So who knows this has been SO tiring and we haven't even started treatment yet and we are paying SO much because of out of network and deductibles..etc and now I am having a hard time sleeping, especially when husband is out of town for work... But, she loves pre-school! The Waldorf program she is in seems to be really good for her. Fingers crossed. She breaks down after school, but has kept it together so far at school and could care less about leaving me!!! She loves her Occupational Therapist (OT) and the counselor/psychiatric. We will not continue with the nuero-psychiatric after the final evaluation is over. It ends up being a 7 hour day for one apt. And we have no sitter for her sister, so far we have scheduled those apts. when husband has been in town but he works out of town for a week or more at a time. The nuero-psychiatric also wants her to see a Psychiatrist anyway for the depression, so we have to look into that... So all in all we kind of new this was going to be the diagnosis but it still hurts so bad to finally hear the words. I think it will hurt again next week when we go for the final treatment evaluation/diagnosis apt. I always feel like I am going to fall apart... I keep flashing back to my Mom's depression and her taking her life at 29 yo, and hearing my difficult child has depression is so freaking scary! It rips my heart out. I know we can help her and we will do what is best, but what if none of it is enough?????? When she tells me she wants to die or aske me to kill her, I feel like we are living in a nightmare. How do I get her out? Safely? I guess I can only do one day at a time kind of thing and I think of each of these processes like a chapter in a book, I have to finish this chapter to continue on to the next one or it will ruin the story, there is no jumping ahead. Even if I don't like the way the story is going. :thumb-down: I just needed a big BOO-HOO for myself. I know you guy's have been through lot's of things like this- someone send a little hope. I feel so alone some days- the whole are you happy question??? I also just found out there are no support groups in my area, the counselor said she has a huge case load of kids, so if I wanted to start one!!! Maybe one day, sounds like a lot right now??? I am really trying not to be angry and bitter I just thought that I had left all of my garbage behind when I get rid of my screwed up family, seems like the genes have followed me... Anyway so sorry, I am just feeling a little lost right now, my husband has been a rock but I don't want to put it all on him all of the time. I am SO greatful for this site. I will find out what test everyone has given difficult child, it has been a whirlwind, and post them, someone can tell me if they are BS or what. HA HA Thanks for listening it is nice to be back- I also learned the "hold" it has been very helpful, she actually feels better. Fisrt time it lasted over 30 minutes and she spit all over me and bruised the heck out of my sternum, but each time since she knows it is going to help her calm down and I think she appreciates it. One time she even asked me to hold her!!!