back to reality

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Teriobe, Jun 7, 2017.

  1. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    Vacation done. Home and son called from prison. Hes hoping to talk to his daughter in july when i have her. Im mad becuz he didnt give a crap about her each time he did a robbery. I just cant understand the rationale. I told him not to hang w old druggies when he got out first time, and he did anywayz. I have soo much resentment and bitterness toward him. He got caught up in drugs again but couldnt come tell me he needs rehab. Discovered an old msg of him telling a friend he pulled a lick and has to leave town. No remorse in his voice. Just wanted to party. Gonna have to avoid his calls cause he is 2 face. Ticks me off i have to go thru this alone. Feel hopeless he wont change. And addicts keep relapsing, dont want to keep going thru this bs i didnt sign up for.
     
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2017
  2. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    Detaching will give him yet another excuse to use. Theres no winning in this. Im homeless, use, u cant get a job, use, mom enables, use, mom wont help, use. F useless
     
  3. Lost in sadness

    Lost in sadness Active Member

    I am sorry you are feeling so bad. Its an endless game of bat and ball, just with no winners. I am thinking of you, I feel your pain. Hugs xxx
     
  4. bluebell

    bluebell Active Member

    I know what you are saying Teriobe. We took son's car away when it got impounded twice in the last 3 months. Now he's saying he can't get a job because he doesn't have a car. He spent 1000 for a car that won't start without a jump that he can't afford to insure that has been sitting in my driveway for 2 weeks now. He smashed my touchscreen in a car I was trying to trade in Friday after I took him to the dr to get a HIV test. So yeah, he's right. Because he's not getting in my car ever again. We've tried to kick him out but he just goes to his room after it gets too real. He has nowhere to go and no way to get there. This will get real ugly. I see the police and a homeless son in my future. And he will be back anyway. I don't know how to deal with a kid with such abandonment issues, it is a self fulfilling prophecy.
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Nothing you do or dont do will truly matter. He will use drugs if he wants to and only quit if he wants to.

    The vacation was a good respite for you. Keep being nice to yourself and try not to think so much about your son. Your distress doesnt make him better and it can make you sick. Its not your fight. It is his.

    Blubell, your house is your sanctuary. Your son cant come back or live with you if you force him out by eviction. The decision is yours, not his. Take back your life. You are not a slave to his bad choices even though you love him. It doesnt save him if you go down with his ship.
     
  6. bluebell

    bluebell Active Member

    Thank you SWOT. I didn't mean to hijack the thread. I am a very logical person and I do see ways where he could set this straight. But it will be SO hard. And he can't even do moderately easy anymore. Husband is getting to the point where I think we can kick him out again. We brought him back because he said he wanted to go to rehab a few months ago if you remember but we were unable to secure him any help, other than IOP which he refused - he wanted a lake to walk around and to play tennis. It seems that the industry in our state is expecting him to seek out this help, not his mother. Which I get, but still wonder if we had been able to just drop him off somewhere, where he would be right now.
     
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Bluebell, people here have grown kids who are in or have been in rehab. If its our idea and they dont want to do the hard work, then they wont.

    A personal example: we adopted a wonderful son whose birthmother is a drug addict and this son was her fifth drug exposed child. The court system sent her to rehab elevin times. My son still had crack in his system at birth after 11 times and she was high while giving birth.

    Rehab, especially thr first stint, only helps those who really want to quit. Period. Your son is clearly not acting as if he is even feeling resposible for his bad behavior. If you had had the power to make him go to rehab, most likely he would have not complied, relapsed, and blamed you.

    Thats why the person himself has to reach out. Without the desire from them, its hard...they will only do it if they want to. Dobt feel bad. He can go if he wants to.
     
  8. Strongone

    Strongone New Member

    My son went to his first detox/rehab 12 years ago. Nothing much has changed with him since. I am finally letting go after all the agony and expense of trying to fix him. Only he can do that and it doesn't seem he wants to.