My old user name is havehadenough70. But since i seem incapable of completely exercising the meaning of it and moving on with my life, i thought it was time to change it. Unfortunately, my almost 25 year old son is back at it again. Since last July when he entered detox for Oxycontin, he is still struggling. After he detoxed, he entered a one month rehab at the facility then against my better judgement allowed him home. Stayed clean for another few weeks then relapsed beginning of September. However, he was still working a full time pizza delivery job which would start at 4pm and end by 2am so we rarely crossed paths and perhaps because i didn't want to deal with it, just assumed he was okay even though he had stopped contributing to the amount we had agreed upon. Anyway, at the beginning of October, he sat me down and said he wanted to enter detox and do an inpatient rehab. So he got himself in and waited at the holding for inpatient but couldn't fine a bed so i helped him get into the rehab he was in two years ago and paid out of pocket since they don't take insurance. He finished 30 days and entered sober living at the beginning of November. Did well, volunteered in a soup kitchen four days a week, before he found a full time job. Started job in mid December and all was good with the world. Sadly, the good times didn't last. In mid January, he broke a house rule at the sober living by visiting a girl which resulted in suspension and spending a night at the homeless shelter. To his credit, he didn't use and so the manager of the sober living found him a new place which (and this makes me so sad thinking what could have been for son) is run by a friend of my son's who was with him at the inpatient rehab in 2014 and has maintained sobriety, gone back to school where he will graduate in May and opened a sober house with another young man. Well son was doing okay, maintaining a job, paying for his rent and food and being responsible. But in Feb 13th, he came home for a possession with intent to distribute court hearing from last year. By then he was 4 and a half months clean and looked so healthy and his old self. I was so proud of him. One week later, he relapsed. He started using pills again and was thrown out of the house. When he called me,i was so sad and furious at the same time but didn't ask him what he was going to do. He said he didn't call to ask for anything just to let me know. I told him i was completely staying out of his way this time and good luck with figuring it out because i was spent emotionally, financially, and truly there was nothing left for me except love him. That was 18 days ago. Since then, i have called him twice but he hasn't tried to contact me. The manager of the sober living he was at before the last tried to meet with him but he didn't go. The owner of the sober living he was at last has remained in contact and has updated me regularly on what is going on, which is that son stayed at a homeless shelter on and off but has been crashing at a friend's house for the last week. He is still working but when i asked him whether he wants to go back to sober living a week ago, he said that he wasn't ready yet. However, he maintains that he stopped using a few days after relapse and still clean. Well i feel there is nothing left for me to do (as usual, hope i can maintain it), but the pain of wondering whether he is using or not and letting go is excruciating. So i am going to hang around here for support to get through this. I really have no clue what i am doing but i am praying that he is alright. Also, i don't know whether to continue checking on him once in a while even though he hasn't contacted me or asked for yet anything, just to know he is okay. What do you guys think?