Barricaded in bedroom

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by jugey, Feb 14, 2014.

  1. jugey

    jugey Active Member

    And so another weekend begins with a massive sigh. I picked up difficult child from school and she expressed her regret about last night when she hit me with a half chap....I don't even remember why. I accepted her apology but within minutes she was telling me to shut up because I said no she couldn't sleepover with a friend this weekend. Last night after she hit me I let her know that sleepovers were not happening this weekend. To me it makes no sense that she is mad about the no sleepover thing because she hasn't even been invited for one! Anyway, the rest of the car ride she badgered and whined at me to change my mind but I didn't so she escalated to yelling and name calling so I escalated to telling her I am disabling the wifi. We arrive home and she runs in the house and locks the door. I can't use my key because she is holding the lock. I threaten to call the police and she opens the door. When I get inside she's tells me that she wants to kill me and that I deserve to die and that I'm going to. hell. I tell her I'm already there. I really do feel like I am!!! So now I'm locked in my room and not because I'm afraid of her but because I'm afraid for her!! I just don't know how much more I can take! Our weekends are ridiculously awful! She really only has one friend and they fall out often which leaves her with nothing to do. If we don't busy her she becomes hostile with us. My husband is away until tomorrow night....I'm feeling totally stuck and hopeless!
  2. KAB11

    KAB11 New Member

    Hi Jugey - I'm new here, too. I'm still working on figuring out the technical parts of the forums, but I feel blessed to have found this site. I'm so sorry about what you're going through with your difficult child. It sounds just like my difficult child (including same diagnosis), but he's 11. I hear the same things from him. medications are similar to your difficult child which have been helpful, but we're still struggling. We're all here to support you !
  3. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Hi jugey. I too am sorry you're having to go through this.

    I don't want to blunder in here and start pontificating about things that you know about much more intimately than I do but... your daughter seems to be on a small cocktail of medications. Are they all fully necessary and could they be having a part to play in causing your daughter's behaviour? Why are they not helping, at least, curtail the terrible anger and defiance? How would it be if your daughter took nothing?

    Just questions to understand. I repeat: you know your situation better than anyone.
  4. Sabine

    Sabine Member

    Is there any sort of sport that your daughter could get interested in? Maybe enroll her in an indoor swimming pool or the like.

    Otherwise, I look forward to hearing other responses, as I can see that this is going to be our future too..
  5. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    Welcome to this soft spot to land both of you... I'm glad you found us but sorry you needed to. Angel use to have horrible aggressive outbursts like that during medication trials. The worst of it seemed to be teamed up with adHd medications, I never could understand the thinking behind giving a kid who was bouncing off the walls biting people speed (stimulant)? All kids are different it helped my son immensely but was the cause of many nightmares with the girls.

    How confident are you with those medications or diagnosis? Have you had a full neuro psychiatric evaluation done? I look at the combination of diagnosis's listed in your signature and wonder if should get a 2nd opinion, not diagnosing over internet but something doesn't "feel" right.

    again glad you found us, you never have to feel alone again.

  6. KAB11

    KAB11 New Member

    For my son, the Ritalin works really well for his ADD & executive functions...better controlling his impulsiveness and emotional flare-ups. The Cymbalta helps control his anxiety and depression. The Abilify was started about 13 months ago when he was having uncontrollable rages, talk of suicide and combative physical altercations. The one thing I forgot to mention is that my difficult child has severe social interaction difficulties. I'm still struggling with knowing how all of this fits with each other. You know, are the emotional outbursts from depression or executive function issues. Or is the depression from the difficulties with anxiety. Where does his oppositional behavior come from? And then I think we need to adjust his medications if he's still struggling. I guess I'm asking the million dollar question that everyone else wants to know, right? difficult child is just tired of everything being tried and tried and tried and still struggling. He's refusing therapy at the moment because he wants it all to just "go away."
  7. jugey

    jugey Active Member

    Thank you KAB11. I'm sorry you are sharing my experience.

    Hi Malika. I have followed your post about Strattera. You are right it is a proper "cocktail" but believe it or not things used to be worse. I have plenty of my own anxiety about all the medications and took her off the Prozac just after Christmas but that didn't go well at all. By week 2 we noticed she was becoming more violent and aggressive and it continued until we got her back on it which was 2 weeks ago today. Without medications she is extremely explosive, violent, destructive and dark. With medications there is a little light and she can sometimes control herself and her emotions. We have a long way to go though. Thanks for your reply!
  8. Sabine

    Sabine Member

    You know, I was wondering something, and I think this is a good thread (group of people talking) to bring it up..

    When you think of your difficult child child(ren), do you notice a difference between out-of-doors and inside?

    For me, my 2 oldest daughters are the same, inside, outside, doesn't make much difference in their behavior (and my perception of it).

    My son, on the other hand, is SOOOOO much easier to deal with when we are outside. It's almost like he has to expand, and inside, his expansion is too much, it becomes claustrophobic for those around him. Outside, his expansion is unimpeded, and relief is felt by all.

    Jugey, actually, I mentioned sports, even though it is obvious you take your daughter horseback riding. I guess I was thinking of something she could do even when the weather is bad..
  9. jugey

    jugey Active Member

    Hi helpangel. We had a full neuropsychologist done in 2011 which did tell us a lot. I feel pretty confident with the care and counsel we are getting. We are on our 2nd psychiatrist and work with a great psychologist who really "gets it". I get your point about the stimulant. A few years ago we trialed concerta on its own and on day 2 she threw her breakfast across the room at me for no apparent reason! However now the Adderall in combination with the Abilify seems to work well and allows her to focus and stay on task. It's specifically for school days and makes a big difference.

    I'm just so resentful and angry with her these days! It's very hard to look past the behaviour and remember who she is and the challenges she faces and muster up some compassion for her.
  10. KAB11

    KAB11 New Member

    Jugey, has she handled the Abilify well? So far so good for us, but I also don't like the possible side effects and wonder if we should trial taking it away.

    We have a psychiatrist we work with, but I also have read that some people see a neurologist. When do others decide if a neurologist is in order?
  11. jugey

    jugey Active Member

    Hi Sabine. Interesting observation about your son. There is probably something to that! For my difficult child I've never observed any difference re indoors vs outdoors. The difference is in busy vs idle. She would benefit a great deal from more sport but she refuses. We have offered to do things with her and she's tried a couple of things once but would never return second time. I would love for her to practice yoga but she won't do it.

    I really appreciate all the responses. I'm still locked in my room but feeling a little better. Thanks all!
  12. jugey

    jugey Active Member

    KAB... The abilify has worked really well. She started the abilify about a year ago on its own. The Prozac was added about 6 months later and the adderall in November. She gained about 20 lbs initially but her weight has now stabilized...probably thanks to the adderall.

    I've never thought about a neurologist nor has anyone mentioned that. Following the neuro/psychiatric we did have an MRI done on her brain just to rule out any damage (forcep delivery) but it was negative.
  13. Sabine

    Sabine Member

    It's not really a neurologist you want (unless there are headaches, potential seizures, lack of coordination, etc.) .. a neuropsychologist is a special kind of psychologist that specializes in neurologically based behavioral disorders (ADHD, Autism, Dyslexia, etc).

    This is definitely the go-to type of doctor for most of our difficult children.
  14. KAB11

    KAB11 New Member

    Deep breaths!
  15. KAB11

    KAB11 New Member

    Thank you for clarifying the neurologist question, Sabine (by the way, cute kitty avatar). I like our psychologist a lot, but difficult child refuses to go to her or any other therapy. He desperately needs it!

    Jugey, I'm so glad to hear she has stabilized. I've often wondered about an MRI or fMRI (we also had a difficult and long delivery with vacuum). Someone told me about an fMRI that looks at how the brain responds to different types of stimuli (sensory, visual, etc). She didn't know the name of it, but has anyone else heard of this?
  16. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    My recommendations to any parent who needs for there child to take psychiatric medications is to see a neurologist for a baseline EEG first and to rule out medical problems that could be causing the behaviors or problems.

    The problem diagnosticians have with kids is they are constantly growing and changing and most diagnosis's are based on the impressions of the person diagnosing based on what they see at time of the evaluation. Kids aren't like car's you don't hook up to a computer and get a print out to change the oil and the transmission is shot. (at least that's what it would say about my van) What I'm saying is kids diagnosis's aren't carved in stone and as I learned with both my girls the original diagnosis is often wrong. Guess need to give brief example to make point.

    Angel was originally diagnosis with- ADD prescribed Ritalin
    scary behaviors started happening they changed Ritalin for Concerta and started Depakote
    at 6yo had a severe manic with-psychosis episode causing inpatient at psychiatric hospital where they added Risperdal... diagnosis was changed to bipolar not otherwise specified, ODD & adHd
    She was 12yo before got her to developmental pediatrician who added Asperger's diagnosis to the list, her psychiatrist dropped adHd & ODD at that time also (this was about the time I put my foot down about the stimulants)
    I won't put you thru the ugly details of all those medication trials we went thru 2001-2010 but long story short the stimulants were like trying to put out a candle by throwing gasoline on it.
    The stimulants didn't cause Angel's Asperger's or bipolar but it definitely made them so much worse then they ever needed to be. Added to teenage girl hormones lets just say there were several days I felt like I had named the wrong kid Angel & I wouldn't allow myself near her because afraid I would hurt her.

    UGH sorry this got so long, if any of it helps you puzzle out what's going on use it if not please disregard.


    PS Neither of my girls had any success with Abilify; Seroquel or Risperdal worked better for them and is also much less expensive. All kids different just sharing what helped mine
  17. KAB11

    KAB11 New Member

    Thank you, helpangel. Your name says it all! :) Thank you for the reminder that it's an ongoing search!

    We've also had many diagnosis thrown out there...including bipolar, Asperger's and HF autism. They just don't "feel" right to me though, even with his difficulty with peers. Part of me is afraid to try changing his medications again, as the last big change resulted in admittance to a psychiatric hospital. So scary, I still don't like to talk about it. I'll
  18. jugey

    jugey Active Member

    I can relate to the many dxs. We've had so many docs and dxs - it's been a very long and frustrating road. I did learn a lot though. Although many of the lessons I could have died happy without! :)
    KAB what is causing you to consider a medication change? You said the abilify was working well.
  19. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Hi and welcome, I don't think I've "met" you yet. My difficult child is a 13 year old girl that carries an ODD/Disruptive Behavior Disorder, not otherwise specified diagnosis. I spent the last quarter of the Super Bowl locked in my bedroom, waiting for my husband to return home after the game, while she kicked. hit and screamed at the door because I had the audacity to ground her from her iPod. I feel your pain. Does anyone know who won the game? LOL!

    But seriously, I just recently learned about a disorder that falls onto the autistic spectrum. It is not diagnosed here in the States but it is in the UK. It's called Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA). I'm not saying that this "fits" your daughter, but I figure it can't hurt to learn about it as it may offer some help and guidance in bettering our kids' lives.
  20. jugey

    jugey Active Member

    Hi tiredmommy....nice to "meet you" :)
    Thank you for weighing in. I've never heard of the disorder you mention but will look it up. I am a never ending seeker of information. There must be an answer to this problem!

    My sister and her husband relieved us tonight by dropping
    by with a bottle of wine and some food. Totally cut the tension and got me through the night. Extended family save me over and over again. I'm so lucky and grateful to have them!

    Peace out to all.