I feel pretty blindsided by what happened tonight. I've had a peaceful and pleasant few days with J - no upsets, no tantrums, agreeable, affectionate interactions and conversations. Last night he was very tired at bedtime and I agreed, as I do not usually, that he could go to bed without brushing his teeth. I meant to brush them in the morning and forgot... tonight he was tired again and said he didn't want to brush his teeth, just mildly, kind of trying it on. I said in a pleasant tone that oh no, we must because his teeth must be disgusting by now not having been brushed for two days. And I think it was the use of this word "disgusting", as if I was saying that he was in some way disgusting, though of course I don't know, that set off the strange scene that then ensued. He kind of went ballistic, ranting and sobbing, hitting me (unusual these days), being rude, making provocative remarks - despite my very best intention, I found myself getting annoyed and provoked, my tone of voice rising... then he started on about wanting to see Kenza (his birth mother, about whom he only ever speaks in this sort of situation), that he didn't want me as a mother, that he wanted to see his daddy, my mother... the trying to play people off against each other game he plays sometimes. Finally he calmed down, after shouting out "sorry!" a couple of times, and is now in bed asleep, falling asleep two minutes after hitting the pillow, as he usually does. I know I shouldn't be amazed and stunned by this irrational performance but in all honesty I am. Just out of nowhere, for no apparent reason... feels lunatic. Don't get me wrong - J still has big temper tantrums and crying/shouting fits, but there's usually a reason behind it. Leaves me feeling rather helpless and, as usual, with a vague guilt about not having handled it well.