Broken Hearted ..Did I do the right thing!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Sheliah Marie, Apr 9, 2018.

  1. Hopeful Nana

    Hopeful Nana Simple Life

    I am seeing someone and I have several sisters in town I need to start getting out of the house and breath and find some thing to do. I'm so used to running after the grandkids I'm lost without them.
  2. Hopeful Nana

    Hopeful Nana Simple Life

    I went by the house to see my son. I also walked to my house my daughter is still in...Filthy..holes punched in wall doors open unlocked no one there. They are totally trashing my home knowing that she is evicted. I never in my life would of thought that I would see that much disrespectful behavior but. I never said Enough I'm Done before. I can only pray my grandkids are always safe and cared for. So sad it's come to this.
  3. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    So sorry that she is choosing to react this way.
  4. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Hopeful Nana, I am so sorry for your aching mommas and nanas heart. I have been where you are at many times, three grands in the mix with both parents, gone further and further off the rails, a train wreck that there was no way on earth to stop. We went through years of trying to help, in and out the revolving door of our home. Daughter would try to leave her abusive boyfriend, I would run around helping to get a restraining order, help with the kids and before you know it, he would end up at our door while we were at work. It was like a terribly long episode of Jerry Springer unfolding in our lives. I would rearrange our home, nine people living in a three bedroom house.
    Our focus was on the grandkids, wanting better for them, but I eventually realized I had no control over that. Authorities were involved here and there but they never seemed to take the grandkids unstable lives seriously.
    My grands became cash cows to their parents for ebt (food stamps), which their parents bartered for drugs.
    They dangled the kids before us like the proverbial carrot.
    It all came crashing down one crazy morning as my daughter in a drug induced rage, screamed and yelled at the top of her lungs that “they were her kids and there was nothing I could do or say”. She grabbed all three and defiantly walked down the road.
    In a panicked worry for my grands, I called the police, but there was nothing they could do, I was not their parent.
    It is a cold, hard reality.
    I never imagined that I would ever be at that juncture, definitely not the Disney family stories I had grown up watching.
    What a nightmare.
    The only thing I had left was prayer. So, I gave them all to God and constantly pray for Him to look after them.
    You asked if you did the right thing.
    Yes, you did.
    It is hard, but the way things were going is no way for you to live.
    I know how your heart aches for your grands.
    Me too.
    I have called CPS when I believed they were endangered. I have pleaded with my daughter to get help, to get counseling for the kids, to no avail.
    There is only so much anyone can do in this tough situation.
    It got to the point where I realized that I had to say enough, too. My daughter was not changing. She didn’t make an effort to better her life when we were in “rescue mode.” That in turn just made life more miserable for my grands. It was tough to tell her no, go to a domestic violence shelter. But I knew deep down inside that was the only way she would truly get help for herself and my grandchildren.
    I recently met a young woman who grew up with addicted parents. She reassured me that enabling is not the way. She says that she will always remember her grandparents and the time she was able to spend with them. I find comfort in this.
    She is doing well in spite of the crazy conditions she grew up with.
    You matter, the rest of your life, matters.
    Your peace of mind is important.
    Take one moment at a time to build yourself up. You are in a difficult situation where you have done everything you possibly could to try to make a difference in your grandkids lives.
    They know you love them.
    Prayer helps me tremendously. Switching focus towards self care has helped me fill that void in my life. It may sound selfish, or feel that way at first, I was so focused on smoothing things over and doing for my grandkids, self care was a bit foreign.
    I decided that if this was the way things were going to be, then I would have to learn to live with that reality. That I will always love my grands, but I was not capable of raising them. That the best thing I could do for my daughter and my grands was to pick myself up by the bootstraps and tough it out.
    I started walking in the mornings before work. The exercise and solitude help me sort things through.
    I began to realize that what I want the most for my daughter and my grands, is to learn to take good care of themselves, to be healthy and make good choices.
    So, this is what I must do. Take good care of myself. Lead by example.
    You too, Hopeful Nana.
    Start with little things that are easy, a pedicure, a good book, a nice cup of tea. When you feel sad, honor your emotions and feel what you need to, let it out.
    We go through a grieving period when things get to the point when we know something has got to change, and take steps to follow through.
    It is not easy.
    We are not rugs to be tread upon, nor are we to be taken for granted, taken advantage of.
    I am so sorry for the hardship you are enduring. Please know you are not alone.
    I am a hopeful grandmother too.
    I think that our staying steadfastly prayerful, hoping for the best for our grands while learning to live out the rest of our days with dignity, grace and peace, is the greatest example we can set for them. Our adult kids and grands.
    Stand tall Hopeful Nana and keep the faith.
    Know that you are on the right path.
    “Honor thy mother and father” that is what we learned. That is what we taught our kids when they were growing up.
    As adults, they have forgotten this.......... I believe it is our responsibility to set them straight.
  5. Hopeful Nana

    Hopeful Nana Simple Life

    With tears streaming down my face I know that everything you say is true I am thankful to have found this site to help me get through this and and it has brought me to the realization but the only hope to get through this is to let go and put it in God's hands . Thank if you're sharing it it does help so much to know I'm not alone.