Bus driver nasty to difficult child...then his therapist. This is so upsetting

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by PlainJane, Apr 3, 2012.

  1. PlainJane

    PlainJane Every dog has his day....

    I am just so devistated right now. I'm hurting so much for my son. I know he's difficult. I mean, I am the one that is with him everyday. husband and I are the ones ever insearch of the reasons for his behavoirs. We know that he talks, and talks, and talks, compulsively, it seems. And he argues everything. He has what the doctors are now saying is a compulsion to say the opposite of everything. He even is compelled to say the opposite to the TV and its commercials and other programs, and to talking toys. He's not typically mad when he does this, and he has expressed he can't help it.
    But even so, I see how he can be such a negative force with others. He always seems to be lecturing or correcting others. Which from my understanding is something seen in Asperger's children? My son, although his diagnoses (from when he was 2) is high functioning Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), he really seems more of an Aspie through and through. And I know that he isn't exactly the picturesque of optimism. But he's my son, and I love him.

    We have had two very sad situations unfold this week.

    Yesterday my husband got him off the bus, and the driver, infront of difficult child said we need to have a talking to with difficult child because he argues everything. She said "if you tell him the sky is blue, he'll tell you its green"....Now my husband, was a bit more level headed than I would have been and told her that we know this, that he has been in therpay for years because of it, that this is why he is IN a special education program and that she needs to understand she is driving a bus with special needs children so they are going to have various behavoir issues. Her response was that we should talk to him anyway. Again, my son heard all of this. And after we got inside, difficult child was crying about it. by the way, my son wasn't doing anything that was a safety issue, he was just annoying the bus driver. Mother &*%$&#son of a $**#(#($, is this bus driver &$*&%*ing kidding me?!?!?!

    Now difficult child will not take the bus. He has told me that the bus driver is "mean" to him and that she tells him to "shush" and that "he talks too much"...And I believe him. Of course the school and the department of transportation have been notified. But the department of transportation is dragging their feet on even getting a meeting together to discuss this. I asked for a new bus driver/ different bus for him and they said they can't provide that. And now they tell me that their head hancho isn't in until Thursday, and then when the head hancho gets in she will need to talk with the driver and aid to see what happened. I told them that this bus driver was out of line with my husband, and whether she said these things to my son or not, she's going to deny it!
    THankfully, one of the parents in my sons social skills group told me today to check his IEP, because this parent (in the same district) he a similar issue with a driver and because transportation was in the IEP (and it is with my son, I checked) the scholl fixed it pronto. This parent's wife works in special education in another district so she knows the ins and outs, so they are helpful.

    Now as if that wasn't horrible enough. difficult child has social skill group today. We get there, a few minutes early and he runs into the therapy room like he always does, but usually we are not early. Ok, we are never early.... And I hear him therapist who I'd don't love, don't hate kind of thing, tell him to keep his shows on (It is their routine to take off their shoes in the therapy room. They do it every freaking week) and difficult child is like why? and the therapist tells him "just leave them on" (normal tone), and difficult child again is asking why does he have to leave his shoes on. And the therapist actually snaps at him (I hear this with my super mommy bat ears from the main room) and she really freaking nasty says to him "Because I said leave your shoes on".

    Great. Just *%$&$ing great. I go in there and ask her if there is a problem, and our exchanged looks are silently acknowledging her comment and its awful tone. She tells me no. I linger with a dirty look then turn to leave...then something in my emotionally exhausted mind says no you must better address this. So I asked to speak with her in private. I told her that her tone was too harsh and that cannot happen again, then I brief her on the bus siuation and tell her that while I realized difficult child is a trying child (oh, I know he is) that he need patience from the people in his life. SHe apologized to me, and that was all.

    Normally I do not sit in on these therapy sessions, and once the door is closed, I cannot hear the therapist with him and the other student. And now I'm wondering if I should request the door be left open? There's no other patients in the therapy center during this time. I am not just saying this because of what happened today, but his current therapist has always struck my husband and I as a bit short tempered, but had never done anything until today to lead us to believe that she was being mean to him during therapy.

    What a day:warriorsmiley:
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Wow! Reading all this makes ME furious!!! Grrrr Good for you for pursuing the bus thing and for confronting the therapist. Your mommy gut has been beeping at you about this therapist and now you have witnessed it. I would absolutely listen to that mommy gut. It's there for a reason and is seldom wrong.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    OH my word, I was upset enough when I read this then I saw that your son is FOUR??? WTH??? You have just written a full page from my book. I have had two such bus drivers to the point where they REFUSED in front of their superiors to follow the behavior plan or to do the right thing, because YES they are driving a sp ed bus (which by the way MUST be in the IEP if he is on it so you are covered there, its an accommodation) and did they get fired??? One even had a fit telling all the adults standing outside of the school that my son was the rudest child she had ever worked with. Well, she stressed him out so much that the incessant talk and oppositional comments (BOY can I relate to that, wait till your kid is 15 and you have had ten more years of this! uggggggg ) become much worse. They did things like "fake" drive away to make him nervous and to force him to behave better, they told him they would have parties the days he was gone and they could be without him etc... it was awful. Every other bus experience, with people who follow the guidelines and know what to ignore and what to re-direct...he has had no problems.

    BOTH times I had an immediate meeting. The district's answer??? They gave him his own bus... so HE felt like he was in trouble. The whole thing makes me just sick. Adults bullying kids.... KIDS with special needs who can't turn their brains off and are suffering!

    And the therapist??? needs to be monitored if not fired. Trust your gut, I felt a psychologist at my son's school was too aggressive/rude and in the end he caused a rug burn by restraining him in a dangerous way several months ago. He said so many things too....I should have fought harder.

    IT sounds like a heart wrenching day and one thing for my teen aged child to go through that...you have a baby! he is sooo young and they are being unbelievably unprofessional. I am really sorry, I know how awful that feels (when I heard the bus driver across the parking lot talking about my son I confronted her and my stomach was in my throat, my knees were shaking and she told me I must be an awful mother to have such a rude child...she said she would report me to CPS because he is so awful)

    Fight for him, YOU set the time of the meeting... show up at transportation and DONT LEAVE. this chick needs a kick. Are there aides on the buses? If not you may want it in his IEP then they must supply one. Driver should not be interacting with the kids at all, only the aide....let them do a behavior plan, let your son have special books, sugarless gum, whatever it takes to help him.... We are here for you.... I am having a ptsd moment, sorry if I am too crabby about them on your behalf... I just hate this kind of thing.