F
flutterbee
Guest
I'm so weary.
I finally got difficult child on board with therapy, but she said, "Fine. I'll go, but you HAVE to go with me." Fine by me.
She was in a BAD mood all day today. From the moment she awoke. She started earlier - I can't even remember exactly...oh, wait I know. She's bored. This was about 8:30 pm.
Me: Call M (her friend that moved in the neighborhood) and see if she wants to spend the night.
difficult child: There's still nothing to do here.
Me: If M is here, you guys will find something to do. You always do.
difficult child: No, we don't.
Me: Call M and see if she wants you stay over there.
difficult child: I can't sleep if I'm not in my own bed.
Me: Well, go over there and hang out for a bit. You don't have to be home until 10.
difficult child: (silence)
Me: Ride your bike.
difficult child: I can't. It tears my pants and I don't have any capris.
Me: Wear shorts. (It was only sweltering today.)
difficult child: I don't like wearing shorts.
Me: Take Jewel for a walk.
difficult child: (Grabs her curly hair and gives me 'the look'.) (Her hair has to be straightened for her to do anything and I couldn't straighten it with my shoulder doing what it's doing.)
Me: Pull your hair back in a ponytail. You'll be fine.
difficult child: I've told you A HUNDRED TIMES that I hate my hair like this. It's too girly. I'm not a girly girl. Why don't you ever listen to me??????
Gee. Doncha think if she was really bored, she'd find something to do.
Then she starts with how she's tired of everyone making fun of her because she doesn't wear pink anymore. Ok. No one makes fun of her. It's just that 2 years ago, every piece of clothing she owned was pink. Had to be. Now it has to be black or gray and if it has even a smudge of pink on it, it's a no go. Any idea how hard it is to find black and gray clothes this time of year? Especially a bathing suit? Blues and greens and oranges and yellows and pinks.....
And she had that nasty tone with me. You know the one. The one where she's obviously annoyed with me and she thinks that I am just an absolute idiot and I just don't get it.
I told her that I was not going to talk to her when she's like that and if she was going to continue to argue and use that tone, I was done talking to her for the night.
So, the second part came about 2:30AM. After I've taken my lunesta, of course. That seems to be a requirement in these things.
Long story short - she hates everything about her life. How she looks, how she feels, how she never does anything, etc, etc, etc. And it CANNOT be fixed. It's unfixable. She cannot change how she feels. She cannot change who she is or what she thinks. Period.
She told me that going to therapy is just going to make her angry and she doesn't see the point in going because of it.
I told her, after an hour more of this stuff and discarding out of hand anything I say, that she has two choices: 1) She can go to therapy and make an effort and do the work or 2) She can not go, decide to be miserable and that there is nothing that can be done about it. But, if she chooses option 2, she will not be dumping her misery on anyone else. If she chooses to not do anything to try to help herself that is her choice, but I will no longer be her target.
She is her own worst enemy. She complains and complains, but doesn't take the guidance, suggestions, tools offered to do anything about it. She gives something a half-hearted attempt at an effort and then says it doesn't work.
An example: She has normal teenage acne. Not bad, not out of control, nothing requiring prescription strength medicine. If she would wash her face regularly it would make a big difference. We bought Nutrogena acne facial wash and acne cream treatment. Very simple. Wash face with facial wash and then apply the cream. Apparently, it said on the package something along the lines of....Results in 2 days. Her acne wasn't gone, so it wasn't working. It was improving already and I explained that is what it meant. Now she doesn't want to do it because washing her face with that stuff "takes too long and she hates doing it". But, she'll complain to me about it for an HOUR. She could have washed her face 15 times by then.
My point in that example is that she is like that in every aspect of life. If it doesn't work right away, first time then it doesn't work and she's done.
She doesn't want to do any of the work. Ever. She has ALWAYS been this way - since she was itty bitty. She wants someone to fix it for her. Since that can't be done, then none of these issues are fixable.
Again, she is her own worst enemy. In addition, she's hyper-sensitive, overly critical, draining and she's making me nuts.
But, she's going to therapy. She can get as angry as she wants.
Thanks for letting me vent.
I finally got difficult child on board with therapy, but she said, "Fine. I'll go, but you HAVE to go with me." Fine by me.
She was in a BAD mood all day today. From the moment she awoke. She started earlier - I can't even remember exactly...oh, wait I know. She's bored. This was about 8:30 pm.
Me: Call M (her friend that moved in the neighborhood) and see if she wants to spend the night.
difficult child: There's still nothing to do here.
Me: If M is here, you guys will find something to do. You always do.
difficult child: No, we don't.
Me: Call M and see if she wants you stay over there.
difficult child: I can't sleep if I'm not in my own bed.
Me: Well, go over there and hang out for a bit. You don't have to be home until 10.
difficult child: (silence)
Me: Ride your bike.
difficult child: I can't. It tears my pants and I don't have any capris.
Me: Wear shorts. (It was only sweltering today.)
difficult child: I don't like wearing shorts.
Me: Take Jewel for a walk.
difficult child: (Grabs her curly hair and gives me 'the look'.) (Her hair has to be straightened for her to do anything and I couldn't straighten it with my shoulder doing what it's doing.)
Me: Pull your hair back in a ponytail. You'll be fine.
difficult child: I've told you A HUNDRED TIMES that I hate my hair like this. It's too girly. I'm not a girly girl. Why don't you ever listen to me??????
Gee. Doncha think if she was really bored, she'd find something to do.
Then she starts with how she's tired of everyone making fun of her because she doesn't wear pink anymore. Ok. No one makes fun of her. It's just that 2 years ago, every piece of clothing she owned was pink. Had to be. Now it has to be black or gray and if it has even a smudge of pink on it, it's a no go. Any idea how hard it is to find black and gray clothes this time of year? Especially a bathing suit? Blues and greens and oranges and yellows and pinks.....
And she had that nasty tone with me. You know the one. The one where she's obviously annoyed with me and she thinks that I am just an absolute idiot and I just don't get it.
I told her that I was not going to talk to her when she's like that and if she was going to continue to argue and use that tone, I was done talking to her for the night.
So, the second part came about 2:30AM. After I've taken my lunesta, of course. That seems to be a requirement in these things.
Long story short - she hates everything about her life. How she looks, how she feels, how she never does anything, etc, etc, etc. And it CANNOT be fixed. It's unfixable. She cannot change how she feels. She cannot change who she is or what she thinks. Period.
She told me that going to therapy is just going to make her angry and she doesn't see the point in going because of it.
I told her, after an hour more of this stuff and discarding out of hand anything I say, that she has two choices: 1) She can go to therapy and make an effort and do the work or 2) She can not go, decide to be miserable and that there is nothing that can be done about it. But, if she chooses option 2, she will not be dumping her misery on anyone else. If she chooses to not do anything to try to help herself that is her choice, but I will no longer be her target.
She is her own worst enemy. She complains and complains, but doesn't take the guidance, suggestions, tools offered to do anything about it. She gives something a half-hearted attempt at an effort and then says it doesn't work.
An example: She has normal teenage acne. Not bad, not out of control, nothing requiring prescription strength medicine. If she would wash her face regularly it would make a big difference. We bought Nutrogena acne facial wash and acne cream treatment. Very simple. Wash face with facial wash and then apply the cream. Apparently, it said on the package something along the lines of....Results in 2 days. Her acne wasn't gone, so it wasn't working. It was improving already and I explained that is what it meant. Now she doesn't want to do it because washing her face with that stuff "takes too long and she hates doing it". But, she'll complain to me about it for an HOUR. She could have washed her face 15 times by then.
My point in that example is that she is like that in every aspect of life. If it doesn't work right away, first time then it doesn't work and she's done.
She doesn't want to do any of the work. Ever. She has ALWAYS been this way - since she was itty bitty. She wants someone to fix it for her. Since that can't be done, then none of these issues are fixable.
Again, she is her own worst enemy. In addition, she's hyper-sensitive, overly critical, draining and she's making me nuts.
But, she's going to therapy. She can get as angry as she wants.
Thanks for letting me vent.