Can't Do It ANYMORE!!

[LuvThemBoth]

I just don't know if I can do this with her anymore. I want to just throw her out. I get no assistance from the Police or CPS except to tell me to put her in boot camp. When I send her to the hospital they tell me it is a family problem. The police picked her up last night and told me that she was my responsibility till she was 18. So what do I do??? Chase her down everytime she leaves? Live in a home where me and my easy child are screamed at CONSTANTLY????
here is a short summary. Moved to TX in FEB of '06. She was on Zyprexa and doing ok, we knew that she needed an increase in medication but, didn't want her to gain more weight (she had gained 70 lbs in 1 year). Finally got out of hand and she refused to go to a psychiatrist so we took her to our family Dr. (who knows me and my history) and asked him to help us get her medications straightened out. He agreed. That was Nov. of 06. Did this till Feb. of 07. Nothing worked. They made her manic, suicidal and so on and so on. Told her she HAD to see a psychiatrist she refused. Had her committed. She manipulated them into believing that it was just sibling rivalry. So they released her and scheduled an appointment for a psychiatrist in 6 wks. So I found one to see her sooner. Been with her since Feb. medications still not working.(Currently prescribed Lamictal, Seroquel (which she won't take) and Abilify.) She moved out last month and in with my sister things went well until my sister told her no (imagine!) then all H*LL broke loose. They ended up in a fist fight while I was in CO visiting husband. I found all this out on Mother's day. She stayed at a friend's then came home Monday. WE got into an argument and she stayed at my other sisters. I told her she had to come home last night or I was reporting her as a runaway (Now that she has involved the police I had no choice) So I did that. And it was NO HELP!! She did end up staying but woke up this morning yelling at me because I wouldn't get up and take her to school right then (6:45 am. School didn't start till 9:00 am today) Told her I would take her after I got ready. Ended up in a meltdown. She bullies me and her sister and I just dont' know what else to do. If I restrain her and accidentally injure her I could lose my other daughter (that came from CPS themselves!)
Any suggestions of where else I can turn?

Thanks,
Denita

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Gee, are you sure your daughter is not MY daughter?

I'm not nearly as knowledgable as some of the warrior moms as far as medications and doctors go, but let me ask you this...what would be so wrong with boot camp?

 

[everywoman]

You and your other child should not have to live in this chaos. Can you have her baker acted into the hospital for evaluation? If you tell the hospital she is a danger to herself or to others they have to keep her for at least 72 hours. If she threatens you or your other child, call the police. Do not let them intimidate you!

 

[timer lady]

Unfortunately, our difficult children can be very charming; you know, nothing is their fault - EVER! Right.

Sounds as though medications are in need of a review. I know, not as easy as it sounds; especially if difficult child isn't medication compliant.

If CPS were concerned about the situation they would remove the volatile & unstable child to protect your younger child. I believe this is a load of hooey - CPS doesn't want to get involved in a situation with a 15 year old.

Have you contacted your county mental health department? It may be a better bet than CPS. Our county mental health has resources that we have utilized a great deal.

by the way, welcome - I hope we can help you sort this out.

 

[LuvThemBoth]

Boot camp is not an option because she can't take her medications there and I don't think that is fair to her.
I am thinking along the lines of Residential Treatment Center (RTC)? What do you think? Either that Or dropping her off at the runaway center because she HATES living with me! ANd can't stand me.
CPS got involved because difficult child called the police on my sister for child abuse. But, they said they can't do anything with "a defiant child"
I just can't live like this anymore. I called our local MHMRA before when the hospital sent her home and they won't see her because we have insurance.
I just don't know if we can afford a Residential Treatment Center (RTC)????
I am just lost and confused and worried about my easy child. We had such a nice month while she was gone and now all the screaming and fighting is back.
Tough for her to have to go through again.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

You have found a very safe place here. There are many tough warrior moms & dads here with great advice, and many others with sympathetic ears.

Prayers and hugs to you. Welcome to our little home.

 

[LuvThemBoth]

OK, I called the place where her psychiatrist is and they don't accept insurance for Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and it is 400 / day and you have to pay 3 weeks up front.
Called MHMRA and they said I have insurance and she is not "crisis" so they can do nothing.
Now what?

 

[Alisonlg]

Wow. Your situation is years beyond my personal experience, but I wanted to offer some gentle hugs for you today. ::::

 

[LuvThemBoth]

Thanks for the hugs. I will take them for today!! I appreciate the gesture.

Denita

 

[LuvThemBoth]

OK, so after doing some deep breathing I decided to try the following.
A. No EXTRAS, no phone, no going anywhere, no tv (unless in the living room) no computer, until she can treat us correctly, then she can earn some of these things back.
B. NO leeway. Period. What I say goes, if I tell her she can't go to her friend's and she goes, I call the police and report her as a runaway. Period.

This can go either way. She can either comply to the household and relinquish her controlling nature, or she can buck up and either threaten or actually harm one of us. At which time, I will press charges.

What do you guys think?

 

[dlgallant]

I've been struggling to get help for my daughter for years. My ex constantly interferred and the family court forced her to leave her counselor and use one they chose that was ordered to report to the court. She never felt like she could be honest after that and counseling was useless. Boot camps / group homes were not an option because she thrives on the attention from an audience where she can pretend to be "bad." She wanted to go to a boot camp.

I share your frustration with the lack of choices available for help. At least when my difficult child is at home she's a wonderfully pleasant person to be around. But when she takes off and lives in her underground world she becomes hateful and mean. I would love it if I could send her to a secure home for treatment.

 

[krazylilworld]

WOW! Sounds like quite a handful. I am in Canada and don;'t really understand the ins and outs of your resources there. I want to offer you gentle hugs. Have you ever read the explosive child by ross greene? It has helped me with my difficult child.

 

[nlg319]

Sounds like my daughter too! I was in the same spot where you are right now back in April. The way that I finally got some help was to go to Juvenile Court. In my state there is something called a CHINS, which stands for Child In Need of Services. I told the judge that I cannot manage her at home. She doesn't listen, swears, is defiant and physically assaults her 12 yr. old brother. I told the judge that I wanted her placed OUT of my home. He put her in foster care. She's been there since April 13th, 2007. She's just beginning to "get it".

I feel for you...I have 3 difficult child's too!

 

[nlg319]

Sorry I misread your signature. I thought you had 3 difficult child's!