change in routine driving me crazy

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by sweetiegirlz, Oct 25, 2007.

  1. sweetiegirlz

    sweetiegirlz New Member

    Well, the schools are closed here in California due to the air being thick with smoke from the fires and 200 teachers in the school system itself having been evacutated.

    Needless to say, keeping difficult child inside with no school and poor air quality has been a wild ride. she's been trying to control everything by "not doing" anything I tell her to
    compensate for the loss of routine in school.

    Why is it they always kick you when you are down?

    I also had a crazy DREAM that I saw a doctor finally for her medications and the doctor gave me like 10 bags of a few pills of each and told me to try them until something worked.

    Is there some kind of medicine out there for ODD only? If not, I will be hard pressed to do any behavior modification, as daily battles with difficult child have left me reduced to a wimpy, whiny baby. I have to beg her to do everything and her temper and screaming has spread to easy child.

    I feel like all I can do is whine whine whine until her appointment on the 31st.
  2. ShakespeareMamaX

    ShakespeareMamaX New Member

    20mg of duct tape! Hahahaha

    Just kidding.

    I feel for you and even a weekend with just rain, being stuck inside can be torture with an 8 year old difficult child. I can't imagine being stuck inside for more than a day or two.

    I can't help but laugh about that dream, either. It kinda sounds like my son's current psychiatrist. lol

    It sounds like you guys need to take a faaaar, smoke-free ride to a 5 day, fabulous vacation (but don't forget the duct tape!).

    Hang in there, Pal. Tell your difficult child to practice Halloween costumes until the day of. Maybe it'll get her mind off things? :ghost:
  3. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I felt like you not so long ago, and still some days I do.

    Little changes help, in little ways. Unfortunately, nothing makes it stop all the way.

    First, do what you can do accept that this is your child. It sounds so basic, and we probably all think we do, but really think about it. If our child had diabetes, and we had to do their insulin every day, we would eventually accept that as a part of life with the child. Our children are holy terrors. Unpredictable ones at that. And once we own that. it is a little easier to face each day.

    OK. Try this. Do not yell. Ever. No raising your voice for any reason. In fact, if difficult child starts to scream, talk softer. Whisper, even. At some point, difficult child will realize that you are talking, and that she cannot hear you. Then she will quiet down so that she can. When this becomes a habit (and miracle of miracles, it did in my house, and I have the biggest mouth this side of the Mississippi) the kids will slowly follow suit, because they do as they see.

    Come up with a swift consequence that you can administer when she disobeys. Removal of a toy, or something along those lines. Have a sit down with her and let her know, this is the new rule. If mommy says do ABC, you do not say no, you do ABC. If you do not do ABC, you will lose X, Y, or Z for a day.

    When the time comes for her to do something, be clear and concise. "Please put your dish in the sink and your napkin in the trash". If she does, praise her, if not, then without saying a word, take something away. If she begins a meltdown, walk away. Take easy child with you. Let her have her meltdown without and audience.

    These are simply suggestions that are working for me right now. Do them, don't do them, change them up, arrange them to suit your needs, whatever you like. But little changes can make an amazing difference.

    Good luck to you.
  4. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    At this point, you're fighting something you cannot win. The air quality. You have a bored kid with nothing new & exciting to do.

    Given that, I'd take on as little as possible until routine is returned to your little corner of the world.

    If "no" sets her off don't say no. Tell difficult child later, after lunch. If yelling is making matters worse, spend the afternoon whispering. I did that (& still do) for wm. It's amazing how he has to slow down & really listen to what I have to say. He could miss an outing for ice cream if he doesn't stop & listen.

    I have always chosen my sanity over what I think the tweedles should be able to do. Safety & medications are my line in the sand & I will fight to hell & back over those 2 issues.

    The rest I'm ready willing & able to negotiate, play & humor my way through the day, afternoon, moment, whatever. And - it does catch on after a bit. wm knows I'm going to whisper with him. kt knows that given her drama queen status, I'm going to use a bit of humor to lighten the moment.

    Good luck - keep us updated.
  5. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Is there a medication for ODD? Not really. There are medications for many of the underlying causes of ODD such as ADHD, ADD, BiPolar (BP), etc. My daughter has a nice alphabet soup list of disorders. None of them are really geared towards today's medications. I believe the root of her ODD is her Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD).

    For you, it is probably rooted in her ADHD -- when she was little and bouncing off the walls, you had to say no constantly to protect her from herself. Unfortunately, after hearing a constant stream of NO!, ADHD kids decide they may as well do what they want because they're going to be told to not do it anyway. So, you have to find a different way of doing things. Yelling, punishing, saying no all are just going to set her off. As was suggested, whispering can help. Wherever possible, let natural consequences take the place of punishments. (I basically had a set of dishes just for my daughter -- if they made it to the dishwasher, she had clean dishes. If they didn't, she would have to wash what she needed by hand because the other dishes were off limits. No dirty clothes in the laundry hamper meant no clean clothes for school. Didn't like dinner? Fine, you don't have to eat it but you don't get another dinner later or you can fix yourself a PB&J sandwich. No shower or brushing teeth? Your classmates will let you know you smell.)

    Don't beg your daughter to do something. Simply tell her X needs to be done when she gets home from school and she has until 30 minutes before bed time to do them. You could even put a list on her door so she can't say she forgot. If it is not done, the next day simply add another chore to the list and do not let her do anything until both chores are done. She is welcome to sit on her bed but she is not welcome to read, listen to music, watch TV, play games, etc., until whatever is completed. Don't nag, don't argue. If you have to do it for her, you simply quit doing for her -- no rides, no special meals, no fun stuff -- until she gets the message these things have to be done. If the issue is picking up her stuff, if they're not picked up by 30 mins before bedtime, pick them up after she goes to bed. Make a Goodwill box and put her things in it. When it is full, give them to Goodwill or another thrift store of your choice. Someone will surely appreciate these items.

    The hard part is disengaging yourself from the battles. As long as you are yelling, crying, losing control, she has won in her mind. It took me a few years to get this through my thick skull. When I finally got it, I would simply leave the house until I had control of me (mind you, not her, me). I found The Explosive Child extremely helpful in changing my parenting techniques and even some of my ideas on what being a parent was.

    Let's face it, the present way isn't working for anyone. It is time to try something new. Start with something simple like whispering and work up from there. She didn't become this way overnight, you're not going to be able to change her nor you overnight.