change of topic for us.... taking a risk

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by buddy, Feb 5, 2012.

  1. buddy

    buddy New Member

    ever since q had those medication issues (after having such a good summer with neighborhood kids) right in front of everyone in our town home building, including his swearing and yelling and pulling his clothes off, threatening me, etc (way over the top and it took a while to fade ...feels like forever but really has only been since november).....

    I have decided to let Q go out and ride his scooter up and down the side walks. I am setting a routine of his doing it only after 3 pm on weekends and then he has to come in for dinner, maybe go out for a reward for doing well. I am out with him on and off, my wi fi works here on the patio so I can watch...

    he did great, comes and checks in with me, asks if he is doing ok etc.

    I am proud of him. He is having such a hard time at school and really though having moments at home and with Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) he is doing so much better... back to summer levels. even when really upset, he has serious blow ups weekly at most ( I am sure others would be horrified at that but it is a trend back to almost none like before Fall.)

    he is in now, saying he is taking a break. I think the winter helps because the kids are not out tempting him and making him feel as if he is losing out.

    makes me nervous but I have to let him try....:fingerscrossed: fingers crossed
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Sounds good. I know how nervewracking it can be.
    He's on new medications, right? And it's been over 2 mo's, so it should be okay. Fingers crossed.
  3. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    So glad Q is doing better. And, that the weather has been nice enough that he has been able to ride his scooter. I hope this trend continues.
  4. myeverything04

    myeverything04 New Member

    I think it will do him some good to be outside, riding around and feeling "free" for a while. I know my difficult child hates being stuck inside all winter long but I honestly have to say that it keeps her from a neighbor boy whom I rather she not play with. Glad Q is able to get out and about :)
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Thanks! It really was a big deal. If any of you remember, I had to put inside locks to keep him in because how he was running out for those couple of months and making a scene... very scary.

    But he did well today. One of the kids came out and he is always good at sharing so they were riding his scooter. We went for pizza and I have not ordered that for maybe six months... just too expensive but the football deals, we got a large any toppings we wanted for 11 dollars. That will last us two days. I am proud of him.
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    This is the way risk-taking is SUPPOSED to be.
    Not "jumping off the cliff and hoping to land safe somehow" risk... (which is probably how the whole school thing feels right now).

    This is... logical, planned, calculated, with fall-back plans... you have to give him space to grow. Way To Go!
  7. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    I'm so happy for you and Q!

    You're a good mom Buddy!
  8. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Gosh thanks, really it was nice to have a success over the weekend. We both needed it.
  9. lovelyboy

    lovelyboy Member

    I am so glad for you!!!!you need this positive moments to keep up hope!
    We also had a violent free weekend....first in months! My difficult child is on half the medications he was, so irritibility is its crying spells all round, but we can better deal with that than the aggression!
    Thinking of you for the week to come!
    We need to see psychiatrist today...agh....difficult child hates this!!!
  10. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    He has definitely earned it and you are right, he NEEDS some normal back. Having oppirtunities (and an abnormally warm winter) will do GREAT for his self-esteem. You are right also in that you BOTH have earned this week-end!!!
  11. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Sounds like it was a good move- for BOTH of you! I'm glad it went well and you are pleased. Buddy, you truly are a great mom. I love the way you planned it out and handle each situation as it comes, you're so logical! Big hugs!
  12. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Glad all went well, Buddy!
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    How did he handle the football game?
  14. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sounds like he is handling it well - we have to let them go......there are going to be times when we are not there so doing these small freedom trials is necessary! It sounds like he's happy and proud.

  15. buddy

    buddy New Member

    He had the football game on, but it is not his big thing... I think he was more interested in who would win etc. He did want to know if any lady really had the name Madonna???? LOL then he ran to me to say who won.

    Thanks for the cheers. He had some tricky moments a couple of times. Like he has notched up the level of screamming to try a more intimidating level... DONT YOU DARE TELL ME THAT OR I AM GONNA EXPLODE... I then say, well if you choose that it will not be fun for you. Why dont we try to solve the problem... usually then he screams that he does not want to solve the problem and that I am whatever... and I know this whole time he is just processing a way to get out of this with dignity so I stay quiet while he thinks. sometimes I have to say... if he is escalating... Ok that is it, I can't have an unsafe situation and then he (while screaming but thinking he is calming) yells, I AM calming down... I am using my tools, squeeze and relax and breathing etc.. I cue.... your voice does not sound calmer... I DONT CARE (and then it gets softer) .. Then he says ok, ok, lets solve it, I dont want any problems... what can I do... then we talk it out... it is rough but he is doing it. Feels like hours but it is usually at most ten minutes...but may rise and fall for a while.

    But no physical stuff other than stomping his foot and making a fist (which he then tries to cover up as his squeeze and relax exercise, LOL)

    Outside, none of the comments or nonsense stuff for these two days but there was not a big group of kids to try to socially navigate.

    H & R, funny it sure does not feel logical sometimes but thank you for the compliment! ...but I suppose by the time I post here I have thought things out.... I do try but certainly have my reactionary moments... I am pretty ok with accepting and changing mistakes though so it helps. I wish my school team felt the same.

    You are all so right, we both needed it so I can remember how things can be. Gives me motivation to continue to hard fight for him.

    Love to you all... Dee
  16. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    I am so glad for you! What seems "little" steps are in fact huge and the results of months of hard work on your end AND Q's end.
    When you describe the "calming down process", although it might seem rocky at first, I can't believe the amount of work there is into it. I wish, one day, to be like you. Handle meltdowns the way you do. Instead of being a nerve rack during and after .
    I hope you appreciate the fact that you know what you are doing and why. Don't let anyone in the "real" world ever confuse you on that!
  17. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member