Check in or not check in...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by tryingtobestrong, Jan 26, 2019.

  1. Contact with my 24 yr old son is just a text here or there. Hadn't spoken to him in a month.. Still in sober living so that is a positive! So this past week he was in a minor accident last week and left me know. He went to the urgent care to get checked and didn't have anything broken or cut. Just bruised and a sprain. I did call him after it happened and it was nice hearing his voice. Sounded okay but it was most likely the adrenaline. So, I sent a few texts that evening and got very short replies and then no replies. Didn't hear from him at all the following day until later in the evening I received a picture so I sent a text back asking about his foot... No reply... Didn't receive another text until 24 hours later stating that his ribs hurt.. Coincidentally it was 1/2 hour before IOP was to start so I didn't answer him. I felt like it was his way of getting out of going to IOP since he doesn't like it and was waiting for me to say go get rechecked again but I didn't reply.
    I did send an email the following morning about if he feels worse he should go back to the urgent care, I also added that he was fortunate because it could have been a lot worse, etc. No reply. Sent him a text the following day asking how he was ... No reply... so I have not heard from him since he said his ribs hurt. I am thinking he is upset because I didn't reply immediately about his ribs hurting but he ignored me for 24 hours when I asked about his foot...
    I asked the family counselor about this distant strained relationship, etc. She said that addiction steals the frontal cortex of the brain and that the addict doesn't have empathy, can't think of anything but himself, etc. Since my son is in very early recovery he will have ups and downs...
    I understand that. Just don't know what I did. I guess I should have replied when he said his ribs hurt but he never seems to care when he doesn't reply to me.
    So, I feel like this awful mother now. Should I reach out again and ask how he is? Like I mentioned, I sent an email and a text on Thursday and received no reply.
    Sadly, I don't even want to attempt to call. Our relationship is so strained that I have not a clue what to even talk about. He never answers his dads texts ever. It really hurts his dad/my husband.
     
  2. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Please be kind to you. Stop over thinking it. Maybe he doesnt want you to text over this. He IS a grown man and he took care of it. it.Mavbe he is mad. Who cares? Relax. He is not badly hurt and his ribs will heal. He is 24 and you have a life to live. Turn to your husband. He is kind to you. Jmo.

    Enjoy the rest of your night. There is no reason to obsess over this.Wishing you peace!

    Love and light!
     
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2019
  3. elizabrary

    elizabrary Active Member

    Put your focus on yourself. Sometimes when relationships are strained I have found it is best to take a little breather and give each other some space. He's an adult and needs to learn to handle things on his own in a positive way. Find something you enjoy and throw yourself into it. Make yourself feel better and let him figure things out for himself. Sending you peace.
     
  4. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    It is not about you.
    You didn't do anything wrong. He just chooses to not be in constant contact with you, or, chooses to not respond. This is his right.

    We can't make our adult children do what we want and need from them. Which is why this forum exists. So that we can deal with it.
     
  5. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Agree with the others.

    He seems fine. They don't like us telling them what to do or meddling too much.

    My son is home for 2 months and has been sober since September of 2017. He is working full time and then stays home or is with us. We want him to spread his wings more but he doesn't respond to most of our suggestions on now HE should live his life so we are learning to let it be.

    It is a hard lesson to learn, especially when they have had so many problems (self caused) in their young lives!