Chores suggestions

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by butterflydreams, Jun 3, 2008.

  1. I was just wondering what kind of things you have for chores for your difficult child's and easy child's. I know dishes, garbage, etc. I just want some ideas. My difficult child son is 12 and my easy child daughter is 16. I don't want to overwhelm them, but I want them to learn some responsibility.

    What I am looking for is I have decided to give the kids an allowance and want to tie chores into it so that they can learn that things cost money and the value of money. Right now difficult child has to take out the trash and walk the dog when asked (sometimes I do because it is a source of exercise for me). easy child is supposed to empty the dishwasher and take her turn at walking the dog. easy child is also totally responsible for her own bathroom.


  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I would add something like vacuuming or sweeping/mopping once a week to the mix.
  3. jal

    jal Member

    Setting the table for dinner and clearing and helping to do the dishes were chores we had as teens. My difficult child is 5 and he likes to help by setting the table for dinner. I also require that he clear his own plate and place it on the counter.
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911

    get a job making 100k a year
    support your mother
    get me a maid -

    OH you mean a young difficult child. :full:

    Sweep the driveway and walk way with-broom
    Feed and water the dog daily, clean out bowl and rinse
    Gather ALL the trash in the house on X night for trash day and put to curb
    Vacuum out my car
    wash my car
    Go to elderly neighbor and offer to mow grass, sweep walk, pick up sticks
    Help me clean out fridge on Monday
    Help me wash fridge out on Monday
    Help me put stuff back in fridge on Monday
    *(you have to give them an anticipated day)
    Pick up sticks in OUR yard
    Feed the rhinocerous
    (see if they check that one off) it means vacuum the house in our language.
    Scrub the toilet, wash sinks with cleaner, scour tub
    Gather up all throw rugs and shake outide and POINT to designated shake area or a difficult child will shake them standing on your back porch with a good wind and it all blows in
    Wash living room windows and front door
    Wash walls
    Wash hall baseboards

    read a book from the library and do a 300 word report about it - Good to KNOW the book yourself unless you want to read it first or have crib notes. lol

    Offer to volunteer at your local Salvation army and go with him -

    Stuff like that?
  5. wonderful ideas!

    Star - I love the feed the rhinocerous - that is clever.

  6. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    For mine, it was sort her clothes, put up the clean dishes, take out the trash, sweep the bathroom and kitchen at age 12. Basically, one chore a day that took less than 15 minutes. At 16, it was a 15-minute chore (wash the clothes and fold them for both of us, load the dishwasher and empty it, etc.). I did not tie her allowance to her chores. Instead, there was a weekly bonus for chores well done in a timely manner. This way, she had some money to help her learn some responsibility and saw that a job well done did get rewarded.
  7. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    I dunno. I grew up in a household where my dad became disabled when I was fourteen. I went to work part time then.

    At sixteen I had to leave school and go to work full time.

    My major chore was going to work and putting my pay packet on the table every week.

    I did have to do my own and family laundry and basically do whatever I was asked to do.

    I can't speak for "chores" in today's parlance as in my case it was more pitching in to help the family keep going. I don't remember being assigned specific chores. Mum or Dad asked and I "did", basically.

    I am a difficult child, by the way. I'm on the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) spectrum and also diagnosed with adult onset BiPolar (BP)
  8. That's a good idea too, Meow. What I am trying to accomplish is not only they need some responsibility, but I need the help. It's like pulling teeth sometimes to get them to do anything. I can ask my easy child daughter in the morning "Would you please empty the dishwasher for me today?" I will get a "no problem Mom" then when I get home at 6pm, its not done, plus there is a mess all over the counter too. Other times, she does fine.

    As far as tying to allowance. They are constantly wanting money here, money there and just expecting it. I just don't want it to be where they get an allowance and they haven't done anything all week.

    If I don't do something to make them earn it, they won't do squat around the house and it has to be a big enough incentive to get them to lift a finger.
  9. tessaturtle

    tessaturtle New Member

    We are trying to figure out appropriate chores here too. We also have told them that they need to show they are willing to do chores not for money but beacuse they are members of this household, then we can look at possibly giving them some allowance
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Great ideas. I'd like to add that you'll need to follow afterward when he does any chore because chances are, it won't be done to your liking. Some chores you'll want to supervise so he learns to do them well, and others aren't that important and you can just wipe up after him but not let him see you so you don't hurt his feelings.
    I remember when I washed my grandmother's car and she took it to the carwash afterward. I understood I had let it dry in the sun and it had spots, but it still hurt my feelings.
    Good luck.
  11. You know I have tried that. It isn't working and I can't keep doing them all myself. I am a single parent and I am exhausted trying to keep up with everything and working full time too, then add in Dr. appts for both kids and easy child has some health issues going on so there has been numerous Dr. visits for that. I can't do it all anymore, which is why I decided to go with tying their allowances in with chores. I don't even know if it will work, but I have to try. We are having a discussion tonight regarding chores, etc.
  12. Good idea too. I know he won't do things perfectly, but if he at least makes an attempt. I know like when he puts away his clothes when I do laundry, he shoves them all in one spot, but hey - at least he put them away.
  13. navineja

    navineja New Member

    My girls (now age 7) have responsibility for their room- make beds, clothes in hamper, toys picked up. In addition, they sort and fold/match underwear and socks and fold the towels on laundry day. N sweeps the kitchen and dining room at least 2x a week (I do it the other days) and J puts away silverware and plastic items from dishwasher. Each is also expected to help set the table and clear her own dish and cup. We have never set any of this up as something that is a favor to Mom- it is part of being a family. We do however give a small "allowance" for doing the laundry and the sweeping or dishwasher, after explaining that this is how things work in the real world- you do your job, you get paid.
    For us though, this is one thing that works well in our home, since most of the time both N and J love to help with stuff in the house.
  14. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    There is a site called Chore Buster where you can set up the chores by room and person and day. This might actually help you set it up in an orderly manner so that you can see it.

    I found that if you can rate a chore...say taking out the trash only takes 10 minutes tops...but cleaning a bathroom is a much higher rated chore...well...then you need to even things up. That site helps with this.

    Check it out.
  15. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Cool! Thank you, Janet!
  16. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    We don't include their rooms as chores, but they are each responsible for their own rooms. If their room is untidy - it's their problem.

    Chores that they must do anyway, not linked to pocket money - anything related to their own space and/or their own care, such as bathing, washing, tidying etc. I would include her own bathroom in this if nobody else has to share it.

    Pocket money chores - these should be ones which impact the rest of the family, such as emptying the dishwasher, doing the washing up (or at least taking their fair turn), caring for the animals, cleaning anywhere communal on a regular basis. Extra money can be earned by one-off jobs such as weeding the garden (which requires specialist knowledge, so the sooner they begin, the better).

    Tasks to bring in as they get older - doing the laundry FOR EVERYONE, preparing meals for others esp major evening meals, helping with the shopping, doing stocktake/inventory on the contents of the pantry, washing the inside of every cupboard and drawer in the kitchen, cleaning the oven, defrosting the fridge or freezer.

    If a kid refuses to do their chores (the ones on which pocket money depends) then you throw the job open to all comers. "K doesn't want to do her chore, for which she gets paid X amount. Who wants to earn X amount and do the chore for her? It is coming from her pocket money."
    This also leaves the way open for K to choose of her own volition to ask siblings to do the chore for her, in exchange for X amount. Of course, the chore must be done to at least K's usual standard, or K is once more responsible despite having already paid someone else to do it.

    We have a sheet of paper blu-tacked onto the pantry door. It shows who owes who and how much.

    Pocket money - we pay according to their age. They get their age, in Aussie dollars, per week. Half is written up onto the sheet, the other half is put straight into their bank account (husband has set up a direct debit from his pay account).
    The pocket money in hand (written on the sheet) can be drawn on demand, although it does give me the chance to try to talk sense into them if they're about to blow the lot on something pointless.
    The bank account money is only to be used to buy Christmas and birthday gifts for people. This way, they always have money to spend at Christmas, and always on others.

    Once they reach 15 years old, the amount stops going up each year. In fact, it stops about then too, because that is when they can earn their own money by getting a job. They can still earn bonus amounts though, by doing one-off jobs. They are also free to earn money for jobs done for neighbours. difficult child 3 has already earned pocket money for fixing a neighbour's computer. That was money in hand. Then he earned BIG money for being in a film - that went into his bank account.

    When he turns 15 difficult child 3 will be eligible for a disability pension in his own right. At that point his pocket money will stop, and we will set up his bank accounts so he can't access all his pension either. He already has his own debit card on his bank account but is honest enough to not access it for personal purchases. At 15, that restriction will be lifted, so we will have to arrange his bank account so most of his pension will be almost immediately siphoned off into an investment account in his name, but with two signatories (him, and either me or husband) needed for any withdrawal.
    We did this for difficult child 1, which enabled him to save up enough to buy his car (second hand) and girlfriend's engagement ring. Any money he has earned (mostly form acting up until now) has also gone into this account.

    With disability pension, when money is being earned their pension stops. Currently difficult child 1 has a job so his pension has been stopped. If he loses his job because of his disability, his pension will restart. If this doesn't happen for a year or more, he will need to be re-assessed for the pension. We're hoping this doesn't happen - our aim was for him to be permanently in the full-time workforce.

    Good luck with the pocket money thing.

  17. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I tied difficult child's chores to his allowance because otherwise it seemed like he would get the allowance whether he did the chores or not, and I didn't think he should get "paid" the same amount if he hadn't done his part for the week. However, since I am paying his restitution for his illegal activities last year and since I do think that part of what is expected of him should be done because he lives here (I still want him to learn that he has to pitch in and help- no one pays ME for it), he only gets 1/3 of what I deem the job to be worth. The thinking is that 1/3 goes to pay me back for restitution, 1/3 is because you live here, and 1/3 he pockets.

    His chores include taking garbage out, helping cook dinner some nights, sometimes there are handy-man chores he can do, yardwork, washing car, unloading dishwasher, sweeping porch/deck, carrying groceries in from the car, helping clean the house. I don't have cleaning his bedroom or the "guys" room on the list- those are just his responsibility- period.

    And, right now I'm working with him on problem-solving skills, so, if he identifies a problem (must be valid) and brings it to the attention of an authority figure rather than acting impulsively, he gets a small bonus. If he proposes a solution and asks permission to implement it, he gets a little more of a bonus.
  18. Such wonderful ideas! I am going to make a list of all the things that need to be done daily as well as things that are weekly or whatever. I am then going to sit down with the kids and we are going to go through it. easy child always says she wants to learn to cook (I was cooking whole meals by myself before I was even her age) but when I try to involve her she doesn't want to. I think I am going to try again with that though, because if she would prepare even a simple meal a few nights a week, it would be a big help. easy child is responsible for her own bathroom - no one uses it but her. I have told her I won't touch it, I don't use it, neither does difficult child. I have given her all the supplies she needs for that, they are right there in her bathroom. She has done laundry before - I have told them both that if their laundry isn't in the laundry area by Saturday morning when I start the laundry then it doesn't get done. One time, she said she would just do hers herself - so I showed her how to use the machine. She didn't do that again.

    Things need to change though and there is no time like the present. I don't want to overload them, but I do want them to learn responsibility.

    Thank you everyone again for all the wonderful ideas.

  19. TheOnlyMe

    TheOnlyMe Relentless Warrior Mom

    LOL:surprise: that is my dream as well!! HAHA!!!:crazy1:
  20. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    When Miss KT was about 5, I had her pick up the newspaper that I read and scattered, and take it out to the recycle box. That was good for a quarter a day. As she got older, I added taking out the garbage, emptying the dishwasher, feeding the cats, and cleaning the bathroom. Since her useless father refuses to work, I wanted to instill the "work and get paid" thing early, even if I had to create a job, like scattering the paper.