My story or I guess my sons story, started when he was a toddler, he had major separation anxiety,we had to rearrange or find new jobs to accommodate child care, it had to be me or my mother in law, he literally would cry for days when we tried babysittters. They literally had to pull him out of my arms every morning in kindergarten for 4 months before it got easier. Before middle school, one of his good friends did something sexual towards my son,( that I found out about later, ) starting middle school was a nightmare, had to remove him from our county school, to the next county over, and there he seemed to thrive, at least for a little while! High School was not good, he only did what he had to do to graduate, always asking to be home schooled, I was constantly questioning him if kids were mistreating him or bullying him, but I always got the answer no, he just hated school! Since he graduated, it's been a battle of ups and downs, it's like a cycle, he sees a psychiatrist, and has been diagnosed with clinical depression, and has tried every medicine you could think of(of course keeping him on any medicine for any length of time was something else) he's tried herbs, religions, martial arts, nothing has helped. Or he doesn't stick with it! Recently we found liquor in his room, and for three nights I got no sleep just setting up talking to him, he states he is an alcoholic, I don't know how he has kept this from me for he lives in my home, but when he goes to the local service station/ liquor store, for cigarettes or dip, he has been buying alcohol and hiding it,till we are in bed. He states he is tired of suffering, he takes xanax, and as I advised him how dangerous it was to mix with alcohol and how it suppresses your breathing how he may not wake up some morning, he just states "that would be ok", he told me tonight he would rather have cancer than live with this. Me and his father have advised him he cannot bring anymore liquor into our house, he has not showered all week, states he is angry because he doesn't want to feel this way anymore, but is refusing any help, he doesn't want to contact his pshychiatrist, doesn't want to start therapy again. He texts me while I am at work stating he doesn't know what to do but everything I reccomend he refuses, and states he just need his mom! I AM ABOUT TO LOOSE IT! I dont know what else to do!