Creation retold

(Modified from an email forward I received)

1. In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

2. And Satan was wroth, and took God's great gifts, and created for Man and Woman Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Kreme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan rejoiced.

3. And God saw what Satan had done, and created the healthful yogurt, that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

4. And God said, "Let there be fresh green salad." And Satan brought Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman ate thereof, and waxed greatly in girth, and unfastened their belts following the repast.

5. And God said, "Let there be heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man ate greatly thereof, and his weight increased. and his cholesterol went through the roof.

6. And God created a light, fluffy white cake, and He called it, "Angel's Food Cake." And God said, "It is good." And Satan took the cake, and made it chocolate, and called it "Devil's Food."

7. And God brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan delivered cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman reclined upon the couch, and they laughed and cried before the flickering blue light, and they waxed still greater in their size.

8. And God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan took the potato, and peeled off the healthful skin of it, and sliced the starchy center thereof into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

9. And God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan ground the beef, and he did make of it the McDonald's 99-cent double cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man and Woman, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

10. And God sighed, and He created quadruple bypass surgery.

11. And Satan created HMOs.