Dear son

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Lil, Jul 19, 2016.

  1. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Today you found this site. I thought I'd backed out of it...I never thought you'd see it. But you have.

    You may snoop. You may not be able to log in, but you can see my user name, so you can find my posts. I'm not happy about that. Its like you reading my diary. This site is personal to me.

    I don't know what to say...other than what I said. There have been times we very much needed these people. We needed to figure out how to deal with things.

    The only thing I want in this world is for you to be happy , healthy, mature and content with your life. We're doing our best to make that happen.

    You've come a long way in the last two years. You aren't there yet. So keep in mind, sometimes parents need help dealing with raising their kids. They worry and second guess and despair.

    But they talk about their kids with other parents out of love and concern. This place has been safe...anonymous. No one knows us or you. The perfect place to vent.

    I hope of you do read my posts you'll keep that in mind...and that you'll talk to us.
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  2. DarkwingPsyduck

    DarkwingPsyduck Active Member

    Well, this is unfortunate... I know how you feel. There is a reason most meetings are anonymous for the addicts, and the loved ones of addicts. But what has been seen can not be unseen, and I hope your son reads your posts in the light in which they were written; Love, and concern. Not hatred, or ridicule.
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  3. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Hi Lil

    There have been times I wished my son would see these posts. Mine and yours. Because our posts and threads are love letters. Darkwing has said that over and over again, that our posts spill over with our love and commitment and hope, which so overshadows our fear and anger and frustration.

    There is not a parent here on this board that loves her child more than you Lil, nor a mother on this planet. No mother has bent backward farther, and examined and re-examined each step, for consequences, intended or unintended. No mother has had more support along the way, than has given Jabber.

    Lil, if your son reads your posts, he will find a love story. Nothing more. Nothing less.
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  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    It has happened several times before, that I have known of - with AnnieO, and HoundDog, and someone else whose name I cannot remember. Miss KT knows about the site, I'm sure she has read it before, but we have had no problems over it fortunately.
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  5. A dad

    A dad Active Member

    Not the first time that happened but I hope you stay on this site the last one I know who's son find this site left it. It happens this is in the end a public site where everyone can see it.
  6. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Not going to leave the site but he's already confronted me about something I said on here. It wasn't bad but the fact of the matter is that I can no longer speak my mind here because he might read it, take it out of context or with a different intent than originally intended, and confront me with it. There will now always be the possibility that he will read what I've posted so my only options are to either leave the site, quit posting, or seriously edit what I post so I don't upset him. The simplest answer is to quit posting so this will probably be my last post for a long time.

    I do want to say something to my son, if he reads this. For the record, I was finally starting to get a bit of trust in you back. Thanks for destroying that.
  7. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    That's going to help. :( A tad harsh, isn't it?
  8. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Thank you Darkwing. It means a great deal to read these words from you. You are about my son's age and while you certainly haven't had the same life experiences, I find your posts on this site inspirational. If you could turn your life around, I'm more than sure my son can.

    He did snoop. We had a talk last night. While he definitely was...unhappy...about some of what he read in recent threads, I hope he now understands that this is like group therapy to Jabber and I. I asked him if he'd want his therapist to call and tell us all the things he's said to her, and of course the answer there is no.

    I considered deleting my account last night...but all my old content would still be why bother? May change my name so I'm harder to spot in the future.

    I just hope that, if he continues to snoop, which he may or may not, he understands that I often post here when I'm upset or angry or just really freaking out...and that I have to have someone to talk to.
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  9. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Is there a way to make this site private?
  10. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Well no. This is the internet. Nothing on the internet is ever completely private. I wasn't logged in to the site, but my computer saves the page, so my user name was there. The computer password wasn't saved, but still...that's how he's so able to find my posts. That and the fact that my avatar is him...from back in the days when he was with his girlfriend and looking for a place to stay. Probably pretty easy to spot.
  11. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    This is very unfortunate. I am so sorry to hear this

    and this. I hope you don't quit posting, Jabber, as I greatly appreciate your take on things. I certainly do understand if you decide to quit posting. Unfiltered honesty is a very important and necessary component of this place, I think.
  12. A dad

    A dad Active Member

    Did he had access to your computer?
  13. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Some of his power has been diluted by finding out that you guys have been actively been seeking ways to help him transform into something he has not wanted to become........a responsible young adult.
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  14. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Yes. I let him use my laptop because I don't use it that often and can just as easily use my phone. I forgot to close the browser with the link open when I shut the computer. fault. He said he only snooped because we "acted so weird" and I'm sure we did. After all, as I said, this is supposed to be private, like therapy, and only Jabber and I were to ever know what we discussed here.

    But having read back over what I've written in the past, I don't care if he reads it. Sure, I'd rather this have never happened, but at worst he'll have his feelings hurt. At best, maybe he'll understand how his actions affect us. We've never said anything too terrible, even when we were lividly angry, because in the end, we love him. We DO want him to be a responsible young adult. We want him to support himself. We want him to find friends who don't use him. We want him to learn how to entertain himself and not have to run around all the time. We want him healthy and we want him happy. We want him to live on his own and have a good life. He's hurt us in the past. He's annoyed us. He's made us crazy. Through it all, we've wanted those things. If he can't understand that, I don't know what else to say.
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  15. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Tell him to take it up with his therapist. He will have a starting point for therapy.
  16. mtic

    mtic Member

    Your son shouldn't be surprised by anything on here...I wouldn't think. These were his actions and decisions that led to all this. You've posted the truth and tried to help him. You went above and beyond for him time after time.

    Our sons lives are very parallel so it's helped reading your posts and the replies to them. We set rules for our son too after he came back the last time and told him he either decides to save x amount of dollars each month or he decides that he no longer wants to live here. He chose the latter. He's living with a friend who is trying to help him and has finally admitted that he is ADDICTED to prescription drugs (which he buys illegally). So I'm hoping that leads to treatment. Funny how when mommy and daddy quit trying to figure out the solutions to all his problems the truth finally hit him square in the face. Hang in there Lil and I do hope you continue to post.
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  17. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    What hopes and dreams we all have for our beloved children from before they were even born, til we first laid eyes on them and beyond. We are filled with joy and worry for their well being and future, from their first wobbling precarious steps, first day at school, first crush. It is as if their heartbeats are our very own.
    It is no wonder that as they try to figure out their potential that each misstep off the path creates misery for us. So we are here at this site yearning to find answers and peace of mind along with other parents who are on similar journeys.

    All we ever wanted for our beloved children was for them to find their purpose as they venture out into the world. To be safe, to be content, to make their way steadily forward. To be self sufficient.To be healthy, to be respectful and mindful of others. To know their worth and strive for the highest. To have a roof over their heads and nourishment in their bellies.

    To know that they are loved.

    We will not be around forever, so it is imperative that they know how to fend for themselves.

    I hope that your son and any other adult children (including my own) who stumble upon this site will understand the depths of despair parents have gone to, to have the need to be here.

    It is a way for us all to soothe the dismay, frustration, heartache and pain we feel when our beloveds are struggling to find their way. A way to journal out our heart thoughts, yet at the same time, receive opinions, suggestions and solutions, comfort.

    I am sorry to see Jabber that you may not be posting. Your posts have helped me, and many others, I am sure.

    If my two read my posts, they have read my anger, sorrow, my love, my innermost thoughts. Well then, so be it. It is the truth of my heartache and desperately, resolutely trying to heal, even as they continue to struggle. I love them with all my heart and wish the same as you Lil and Jabber, for them to be healthy, to find their potential and live a good life.

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  18. PonyGirl65

    PonyGirl65 Active Member

    Lil & Jabber's Son:



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  19. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    Well..maybe he's upset cause his life in words just 'got real'.

    Son you are reality, nothing else matters.
  20. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    I know that feeling Jabber. There have been several times where I thought I could start trusting my son again and he would do something to keep me in check.

    Lil, you did nothing wrong. You should not have to remember to close your browser. Him saying he snooped because you "acted weird" is just an excuse. He has exhibited absolutely no respect for you or Jabber. He snooped because he wanted to.

    You and Jabber have never posted anything on this site but the truth. Yes, it's too bad that your son snooped but he has to own what he found. It's like that old saying "don't ask the question if you don't want to know the answer"

    This site is a place for us, the parents of adult children that have caused us severe heartbreak by their poor life choices. We should always feel safe here.

    I'm sorry this happened but I do hope you will continue to post and share, cry and scream, support and vent.