Deep Breath

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Zardo, Apr 10, 2013.

  1. Zardo

    Zardo Member

    3rd day home from rehab. We had court yesterday. The judge is giving him one chance to prove that he is changing his life. He has two months to get a job, do well in school, follow the rules at home and follow the reccomendations of Rehab. If he does, he moves forward on probation. If he doesn't, he will go to detention. No joke this time. I pray that he will find it within himself to rise to the occassion, but it will be up to him. The rehab reccomendations include 3-4 AA meetings a week and a sponsor as well as family/indiv counseling through the in-home program. We'll see. He hates to be told what to do - even by a judge. He has been talking about AA, but I know he views it more as - he will go to meetings WHEN he wants, not on a schedule and won't work with a sponsor. That's a concern. His demeanor at home has been great. Much more connected. He is peaceful and respectful. We will give him this week to see how he does with getting job applications and going to AA meetings. I will not be forcing him to do anything - I am too tired of that and it doesn't work anyway. I will only have him "report" weekly to his probation officer on his progress and let her deal with him. If it's not enough - she can tell him. If it still does not inspire him - he can go to detention. Not my problem. I'm just too tired. He can either do what he is supposed to do and stay in our home, or not. If he goes back to using drugs either while he is on probation or after, he will also not be living in our home......too tired.
  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Zardo I hear you, I'm tired too!

    Our family counselor when difficult child was in rehab told us it is not our job to police whether difficult child goes to her meetings or follows the rules and she was right. Of course I wanted to, but forced myself not to interfere. It was up to difficult child and my forcing her was not going to work.

    It sounds like this judge means business. Hopefully if he finds an AA home group he will bond with someone who will become his sponsor. Fingers crossed for you. Thankful that he is acting respectfully at home.
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending hugs. I thoroughly understand "too tired". been there done that. Still doing that! I'm rootin' for your and your difficult child. DDD
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Many hugs and wishes for things to go well.
  5. Zardo

    Zardo Member

    I don't know guys - I feel like I can't do it this time - I have tried so many times and believed him so many times - I feel so betrayed - this time I can't be that positive force urging him forward - I feel frozen and lost with very little hope
  6. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Oh Zardo,
    I hear ya...and ya know "Too Tired" is a good place to be in the lives of our difficult child addicts.

    I fully believe (now) that when we do for our children what they should be doing for themselves, we inprint the words "I Can't" on them. And trust me I tried desperately hard to do for my children...thank God they've all survived my parenting in that way. But Geez, I've got a mother who will still literally grab a knife out of my hand and starting cutting an onion for me if she thinks I'm doing it wrong. I'm almost 47!

    So being too tired to take the responsibility your difficult child is being required by probation to take for himself is A-Okay.
    Let Probation officer get on to him if he doesn't follow through...Like you said, Not your problem.

    Hang in there Zardo...I recently ran across discharge paperwork when my son's were at rehab. Reminded me of the "deep breathe's" I had to take back then when they were coming home. My oldest difficult child was so far "gone" if you will that his rehab councelor suggested he could very well turn into a mastermind criminal in the and manipulative and bent on destruction. I was so scared when he came home. Today, he is married with 2 daughters he adores and one on the way, just built and bought a home, and works as hard as his father did at his age. He is successful in my mind, PTL.

    It's good you found us and have a place to share and get feedback. Are you attending Al Anon? They were so helpful for me.

  7. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Member


    I hear ya about being too tired.

    thankful for the progress he has made. It's a start. Baby steps...

    I agree with your approach. Put it on HIM. Hoping he has a great PO and can find a good home group and sponsor.

    *take good care of you!!!
  8. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Z - it's OK to be weary.

    *Please nurture yourself. Take care of you. {{{hugs}}}
  9. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree with LMS. This time it is on him. Sit back and let it play out. He either wants to get better and has the chance to prove himself or he doesn't. Either way, it will be his actions and the probation officer that will decide his fate so that takes it off of you.

    Stay strong.