Linda, I have a message for husband (you too, a bit, but I think you already know this) -
When somebody becomes ill, they tend to go into 'illness' mode. They rest, take it easy. They wait to get well. Life is on hold.
As time goes on, life passes by. The person who is ill has a choice - to stay in 'illness' mode, or to try to do what they can within their limitations. This is a steep learning curve because it is at this stage that the person makes mistakes. In trying to get on with life, you can sometimes do too much, by telling yourself, "I'm not going to make ANY allowances for this rotten disability which is interfering with my life."
And the person crashes due to failing to adapt appropriately.
If you get this far and are still willing to try, you begin to adapt. But adapting means making SOME allowances, but still not letting the disability control your life. It requires balance. With time you become better at it.
The patient's family often gets stuck at 'illness' mode, insisting that if they only do all the things we should do when acutely ill, we will get better. "You're doing to much, we have to take it easy, no wonder you're ill it's self-inflicted."
Or they go into denial - "You've been lying around for months, you aren't getting better and we ALL know that if you were really ill then a good rest and a few weeks would make all the difference; so there probably is nothing wrong with you, never has been, but laziness."
Or they oscillate between the two.
When loved ones are over-protective I think they are trying to send a message of "I care about you, I'm scared for you, I want things back the way they were before."
But life has changed. While we've been ill, life has moved on.
It comes back to our choice - to stay in 'illness' mode until we get better, or to "take up your bed and walk".
My choice - to live as much as I can, as best as I can, within my new limitations. husband has had to learn to accept this. difficult child 1 calls it "Black Knight Syndrome" from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" - the scene where the Black Knight challenges Arthur to a duel and Arthur keeps chopping off the Black Knight's limbs.
" 'Tis but a mere scratch - fight on!" he says, bleeding profusely from a severed arm.
By the time Arthur is finished with him, the Black Knight has lost all his limbs and is screaming after a departing Arthur, "Come back here! Don't run away! You coward! Come back here, I'll BITE you to death!"
It's not really like that in my head, I do rest when I need to. I've learned to pace myself. husband has learned to not help me up if I fall.
A helping hand is all very well, but it's nowhere near as steady as a wall or a chair. When a doctor examines me and then tries to help me up, I have to tell him not to. I have my own methods which work for me - a helping hand is hard for me to use properly, it wobbles ever so slightly.
Linda, husband has to know that you are the one in your body, you are the one who has to make the decisions balancing your emotional needs with your physical limitations. If you do this trip it will be tiring. You will need to rest more for a while. But if you do not do this trip (and are therefore more rested physically) how much will you regret emotionally, and perhaps blame husband if you missed your last chance to visit with your father?
If/when you suffer the physical consequences of the trip, husband is going to need to do more to help you. At some level he is afraid of this and also resenting it. He probably feels a bit guilty about it, but he is within his rights to feel this way. The anger shouldn't be directed at you, though, but at Life. It happens. We have to live it anyway.
It's very hard for our husbands to watch us pushing ourselves too hard, knowing we will be suffering for our actions. It's even harder for them to let us do it. But it has to be left to us to make the decisions - our brains are still functioning well enough to at least do this much!
I know my husband is going to see this. He may even post in his own right, his point of view on this. I think that would also be useful for your husband.
Hang in there. I think your husband is just being himself - a bloke who cares about you very much and is worried. He has to learn to step back and let you try.
Marg