Hi Everyone! I'm so relieved to have a place that I can seek some guidance from all of you amazing parents that have been there done that -any advice is much appreciated! Here goes, I'll try to be brief.
My son, now 5 and having just entered Kindergarten has ALWAYS been challenging. He was born screaming and hasn't stopped. We had him evaluated by a private psychologist and the state run integrative services at the age of 2 for symptoms that seemed to coincide with autism -he didn't form deep attachments to family members, had no interest in peers, wouldn't respond to his name or make eye contact, deeply obsessed with trains and nothing else. From age 2-3 he also developed some Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) type behavior (would line up toys in a strict line, all facing the same way and couldn't handle anyone even walking near him for fear they would be disrupted, we had to put a fence in the corner of the living room so he wouldn't have anxiety when another member would walk in the room for fear that his project would get touched, he'd insist on his blankets be spread out in front of him with no wrinkles and would melt down if one line was out of sync, etc)
The evaluations always came back with minor deficiencies in the areas of social and emotional (gross/fine motor is perfect) but nobody could put an actual diagnoses to him, especially considering his age. At the age of three, overnight, he began REFUSING to return to daycare -a place he had gone for two years. I should mention that he never spoke about his peers, never spoke about his teacher, never seemed to have much interest in them.It got so bad over the course of two weeks that he began having full blown panic attacks when I would try to take him there, hitting me, kicking, biting, she would have to pry him off of me so I could leave. The teacher said he was having worse and worse days, she couldn't control him, and he had constant meltdowns.
He has always been loud, like so loud that we've had his hearing tested three times -he hears fine. He's so loud that people stare no matter where we go and places like museums and libraries are my worst nightmare. Not only is his normal speaking voice loud, but he shreaks and screams all the time. It's often not even out of anger or melting down -it's for effect -or release, not sure which one. It's SOOOO disruptive.
We left that daycare and put him into the Special Education preschool along with a one on one aid. His days got much shorter with significantly more support and things got a bit easier. Still no mention of his peers, but he became very attached to one teacher. 6 months later he was evaluated by the CDC (a team of clinicians in our state who travel around assessing these types of kids) and they said the jury is still out on ADHD or an anxiety disorder and gave us tips on meditation techniques etc. Meanwhile, at home we were still dealing with CONSTANT meltdowns, angry explosions at the smallest things, complete inability to be flexible or play back and forth with another child, rigidity in everything and completely controlling the household regardless of the approaches in parenting we tried to take.
At the age of four, and second year in the Special Education preschool, the teachers began to see improvement and wanted him to try the second year without his aid. This posed a scheduling conflict for me, so I quit my job and he got more one on one than he's ever had (he has a sibling 18 months older and a sibling 18 months younger) there is no doubt that his behavior drastically improves with one on one -now is that because he can control the environment more? Or is there less stimulus?
So here we are now, three weeks into kindergarten and the good news is -he loves it. so far. However, his teachers are struggling and his peers are less than enthusiastic. The main dilemma that they're having right now is with his volume. The bus driver, the teachers and his peers all complain about his noise level and nothing seems to work including distraction with sensory manipulation tools, time outs, visual reminders etc. It often seems like he gets a kick out of driving everyone crazy. On that note, he has never shown much remorse. He will often be quick to apologize for something, but it's usually an automated response to avoid punishment, although most punishments don't mean much to him anyway. It's less than 50% of the time that I see him act genuinely guilty or sad about something. He's very manipulative and will lie or deny to avoid punishment. He's also EXTREMELY destructive with inanimate objects, but sometimes it's unintentional, but a lot of the time it's purposeful. I'm talking broken windows, holes in walls, kiss any clock or watch or hand tool goodbye. The ADHD side of things wouldn't surprise me at all, as my husband I both have that and he certainly is hyper and has a short attention span, but the rest of it I don't understand.
So anyway, I don't know what to do with this kid. I've seen therapists, specialists, doctors, Occupational Therapist (OT)'s everything and nobody can give me a straight answer. I'm feeling defeated and sad because I just want others to see the sweet person that he CAN be, but he's not able to show that side to most people. I'm at a loss. I've been googling Conduct Disorder and getting very depressed. Anyway, whatever you can all offer would be most appreciated. thank you!!!!!!
My son, now 5 and having just entered Kindergarten has ALWAYS been challenging. He was born screaming and hasn't stopped. We had him evaluated by a private psychologist and the state run integrative services at the age of 2 for symptoms that seemed to coincide with autism -he didn't form deep attachments to family members, had no interest in peers, wouldn't respond to his name or make eye contact, deeply obsessed with trains and nothing else. From age 2-3 he also developed some Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) type behavior (would line up toys in a strict line, all facing the same way and couldn't handle anyone even walking near him for fear they would be disrupted, we had to put a fence in the corner of the living room so he wouldn't have anxiety when another member would walk in the room for fear that his project would get touched, he'd insist on his blankets be spread out in front of him with no wrinkles and would melt down if one line was out of sync, etc)
The evaluations always came back with minor deficiencies in the areas of social and emotional (gross/fine motor is perfect) but nobody could put an actual diagnoses to him, especially considering his age. At the age of three, overnight, he began REFUSING to return to daycare -a place he had gone for two years. I should mention that he never spoke about his peers, never spoke about his teacher, never seemed to have much interest in them.It got so bad over the course of two weeks that he began having full blown panic attacks when I would try to take him there, hitting me, kicking, biting, she would have to pry him off of me so I could leave. The teacher said he was having worse and worse days, she couldn't control him, and he had constant meltdowns.
He has always been loud, like so loud that we've had his hearing tested three times -he hears fine. He's so loud that people stare no matter where we go and places like museums and libraries are my worst nightmare. Not only is his normal speaking voice loud, but he shreaks and screams all the time. It's often not even out of anger or melting down -it's for effect -or release, not sure which one. It's SOOOO disruptive.
We left that daycare and put him into the Special Education preschool along with a one on one aid. His days got much shorter with significantly more support and things got a bit easier. Still no mention of his peers, but he became very attached to one teacher. 6 months later he was evaluated by the CDC (a team of clinicians in our state who travel around assessing these types of kids) and they said the jury is still out on ADHD or an anxiety disorder and gave us tips on meditation techniques etc. Meanwhile, at home we were still dealing with CONSTANT meltdowns, angry explosions at the smallest things, complete inability to be flexible or play back and forth with another child, rigidity in everything and completely controlling the household regardless of the approaches in parenting we tried to take.
At the age of four, and second year in the Special Education preschool, the teachers began to see improvement and wanted him to try the second year without his aid. This posed a scheduling conflict for me, so I quit my job and he got more one on one than he's ever had (he has a sibling 18 months older and a sibling 18 months younger) there is no doubt that his behavior drastically improves with one on one -now is that because he can control the environment more? Or is there less stimulus?
So here we are now, three weeks into kindergarten and the good news is -he loves it. so far. However, his teachers are struggling and his peers are less than enthusiastic. The main dilemma that they're having right now is with his volume. The bus driver, the teachers and his peers all complain about his noise level and nothing seems to work including distraction with sensory manipulation tools, time outs, visual reminders etc. It often seems like he gets a kick out of driving everyone crazy. On that note, he has never shown much remorse. He will often be quick to apologize for something, but it's usually an automated response to avoid punishment, although most punishments don't mean much to him anyway. It's less than 50% of the time that I see him act genuinely guilty or sad about something. He's very manipulative and will lie or deny to avoid punishment. He's also EXTREMELY destructive with inanimate objects, but sometimes it's unintentional, but a lot of the time it's purposeful. I'm talking broken windows, holes in walls, kiss any clock or watch or hand tool goodbye. The ADHD side of things wouldn't surprise me at all, as my husband I both have that and he certainly is hyper and has a short attention span, but the rest of it I don't understand.
So anyway, I don't know what to do with this kid. I've seen therapists, specialists, doctors, Occupational Therapist (OT)'s everything and nobody can give me a straight answer. I'm feeling defeated and sad because I just want others to see the sweet person that he CAN be, but he's not able to show that side to most people. I'm at a loss. I've been googling Conduct Disorder and getting very depressed. Anyway, whatever you can all offer would be most appreciated. thank you!!!!!!
