Did not kick out jobless difficult child ... an update

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by dashcat, Jul 12, 2012.

  1. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    After much thought, I decided to let difficult child remain here for the time being.

    She has started the requiste work around here (7 hours a day, 5 days per week). There are a couple of daily tasks (dishwasher, etc) and I give her a list each day. Today was spent scraping and sanding the porch railing. It is a large, two-story porch ..so this will take awhile. After that, she will scrape/sand the back deck rail (not as much work - very small and it was power washed), the garage doors and a smallish fence. Then, of course, there's painting. There is much other stuff to do...and I'm pretty good at coming up with things.

    Seems only to pay lip service to getting a job. She claimed to apply at an upscale Chinese restaurant and says she's applying "online". I doubt her on both counts. I'm not giving her any money, and neither is Ostrich. I keep strict count of my cash on hand (three whole dollars right now!) and the credit/debit card and any valuables are secured. I shudder to think of how she is paying for gas, etc. Not my problem.

    I realize I cannot make her get a job ..nor can I monitor her job hunting. I can, however, set a very clear example of how there is no free lunch here. It might have seemed attractive at first. I may, indeed, have been too soft. But now? No more Mr. Nice Guy (as my very nice dad used to say).

    And when she attempts to gain sympathy for this? From her therapist, DEX, DEX's girlfriend, ANYONE? They will say... "Why your mother must be insane expecting you to occupy yourself in a constructive way in order to earn your room and board?" I don't think so.

    I think part of her lack of interest in a real job is twofold: 1. She thinks I'll give in as time goes on. (HA!! NOT going to happen.) and 2. DEX is takingh er on vacation in mid-August. She's afraid if she ...oh, lands a job....she might miss out.

    We are planning to attend a family wedding over labor day weekend in Evanston, IL. It's actually an inlaw,but I only divorced The Ostrich. He'll be there, or course, but I'm still family. Anyway, I told her we'd take the megabus a day or two early and do some cool Chicago things. This is no longer going to happen. I'm not dangling another carrot of sloth in front of her face, nor am I going to reward her choices with a little vacation.

    So far she's been working without complaint and, surprisingly, without too much drama. I told her she could choose her two days off per week (and we clearly defined "a week"). Tomorrow is her first. Saturday should be interseting.

    Going to my second Families Anonymous meeting tonight.

  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Have a good meeting. Are you going to the fundraiser at the NR meeting tomorrow? It's a raffle and dancing and fun and you get to meet all the FA members from all around. I'm really sorry I'm missing it but did donate items for our basket.

    FYI easy child took the megabus to Chicago a few weeks ago with her girlfriend and hated the busride.

  3. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    I'm so grateful to you for telling me about FA. I probably won't go tomorrow .. I go to a lot of things by myself, but this might be too much of a leap. If it sounds (tonight) like a lot of people are going solo, I might. I am sorry easy child hated the MG! I did read a couple of unfavorable online reviews, but everyone I know ...which is a lot (albeit, young) people, thought it was great. The rates aren't that great because it's a holiday. My great-nephew is going to NYC for $8!!!! You can't even buy a hot dog there for that!

    Enjoy the rest of your trip!
  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    The fundraiser is only for members, no dates or husband's or so's. If I was in town I would be going. My friend Terry told me it's just was fun time for FA members.if you go you can look for him and he can share college stories with you lol.

  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Sounds good to me. :)

    If she cops an attitude you can tell her your good friend has her blind disabled son helping her in the garden and with heavy yard work. LOL That ought to make her stop and think.