difficult child#1 update

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Tiapet, Jul 10, 2012.

  1. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    Well had the talk with oldest difficult child about the whole dis-respectfulness situation as well as her behaviors and how living here is not working. She has decided that her goal is to move out by November. I'm not quite sure how she is going to do that however. I honestly don't see her obtaining a full time job by then let alone saving up a deposit for a car and or rent. Those are her goals. She tried working before and didn't last 2 weeks at a Dunkin Donuts. She doesn't get along with people and has explosive personality as well. There is no way in this short time I can see that she will be able to get a job with no skills in a market that is dead either. IF she is able to do so I don't see her saving up money to accomplish this. I mean I kind of hope she does so she can get a dose of harsh reality of the real world and how easy she really has it here, and she admits it is easier.

    Now she has taken to posting to her facebook page, yet again, publicly all about her woes. She goes on to tell that she is "
    I'm just so sick of my family, and the disgusting house, siblings, and the constant fighting because my mom can't/doesn't do s****t about any of it". Yeah ok, if the house was so disgusting then I'm quite sure that the mental health worker that comes several times a week to work with the younger difficult child's would have something to say about it for sure. In fact it IS something we DO discuss. It is NOT a disgusting. There are things left around by the younger difficult children that we have been repeatedly working on to get them to pick up. Notice I said "things"? They tend to leave their clothes laying around, sometimes shoes or other miscellaneous stuff so it can get to be a mess as in stuff strewn about but never, not even close to disgusting!

    As far as siblings, yup, she's right there. They are a big problem and there is fighting with them AND HER! She fights with them and CAUSES fights with them purposely "because she can" and with sister difficult child because she "hates" her. Do I do anything about any of this? Sure, as much as I can. I get the difficult child's treatment to the best of "my" ability (which of course is limited to what the treatment personal actually do), I do what I'm suppose to do. I will give out consequences as I can. Not much else I can do. Thought she expects me to smack them around all the time. I don't touch them and never will. She expects this because this is what was done to her by her father when she was young (wrongly and harshly). For this I'm a terrible person and "can't/don't" do anything according to her.

    I know I can not control what she puts out there publicly but it really is humiliating to have it out there when I know darn well I am and have been doing everything in my power for all 3 of them! At her age she should darn well know the implications of public postings, though she "doesn't care" I guess. I'm sure she would not appreciate it if I publicly posted all her shanningans for the world to see (drinking, smoking pot, doing acid, mental illness, etc) that would potentially destroy her life and potential jobs for the future. I realize a job is not at stake for me but it's still a public thing with a REAL name attached, no nickname or psydo name.

    Who is this child anymore? This is not who she was ever. The loss of respect for me and just in general how she has become is like a 180 from everything. So sad and breaks my heart. I detach a lot but this is taking it's toll on me.

    Thanks for letting me vent.

  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I am sorry Tia. It sounds like it is time for oldest difficult child to be PUSHED out of the nest. If she is going to do that, and publicly no less, I would tell her she has until September 1st to move out. If she is going to disrespect you that bad on a VERY public forum, she needs to go. If she doesn't have a job or money saved up, staying until November isn't going to change anything. It's time to make her take responsibility. If the house is that disgusting and things are as bad as she's posting, then why on earth would she WANT to stay. You can't change the younger ones any more than you can change her (*wink*) so she might as well move out so you all don't stress her out anymore (*wink*). Get what I'm saying? Call her bluff and take detaching a step further. Give her a good push out the door.

  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Oh yeah...

    If she's so sick of the disgusting house? Easy fix. She needs to GET OUT!


    Gotta love the drama, though, right?
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    It's easy to cop an attitude when you've zero experience to draw from.

    Mine thought I was over bearing, over protective, and unreasonably strict.............until they had kids. Then it was Oh, Mom I am sooooooo sorry, I just didn't know. LOL

    I know it can hurt, but just let it roll off your back for now. Karma is a b*tch. Odds are, she's going to wind up with a clone of herself.