difficult child called

[HereWeGoAgain]

This was the second call since getting kicked out of her friend Erica's house July 15th (where she had stayed since getting kicked out of our house at the end of May). She has been living with the same guy for about two or three weeks now I guess. She left a message on our voice mail. wife said she sounded shaky. She says she is scheduled to do a phone assessment with a facility downstate about 90 minutes from here, and then would have to wait two or three weeks for a bed. Wanted to know if she could have lunch with us and easy child 1 and bring some things for easy child 1's seventh birthday, which is this week. wife plans to call back and tell her no on the lunch (yay wife!) but will let her come to the house, leave the gifts, and get her mail while easy child 1 is in school, which starts Wednesday.

by the way we had our youngest son here for a week on leave from the Navy before he heads out on "cruise" from September through March. We loaded him down with gifts for his birthday and Christmas since he will be on the boat for both. Our oldest son and his wife came up for three days while youngest was here. We had such a wonderful time. It sounds cold but difficult child's absence was sort of a blessing. We hardly even spoke of her. The boys and daughter in law got easy child 1 a "Hannah Montana" themed guitar (real, not a toy) for her birthday. She sure is getting to be a "big girl" now. wife and I are giving her a 20" bike -- she just got the training wheels off of her old bike at the beginning of the summer. The kids also gave wife, easy child 1 and me a Wii, just because! I am a Wii fiend now. (Pictures from the kid's visit here - go to the last post on the thread).

 

[witzend]

wife is handling it well. More power to difficult child if she can make the rehab work out.

I wouldn't trust difficult child to not show up late and "happen to be there" when easy child 1 comes home from school. Maybe you could set up a play date at a friend's house after school for that day to avoid that, just in case.

 

[Hound dog]

Good for wife for hanging tough. It's not easy, I know. I hope difficult child follows thru with the rehab and starts a new chapter.

It's nice that you got to enjoy the other kids.

Hugs

 

[hearts and roses]

What a great post and hooray to wife! ]

I agree with witz's advice to plan an afterschool playdate that day to avoid any accidental meetings between difficult child and easy child 1.

Your visit with your youngest and everyone sounded so nice. I'm glad that difficult child wasn't there to spoil it. Don't feel bad about that - I often feel that way when my difficult child bows out of family events.

 

[trinityroyal]

HWGA, it's great to hear that wife is handling things so well.
Also, very glad that you got to enjoy time with your other children, without any difficult child drama. Don't feel bad about this...it's nice to be able to just enjoy those moments without having to be on guard or to do damage control.

easy child 1's behaviour sounds like typical 6-year-old to me. (I have one of those at home myself, and this is par for the course)

Trinity

 

[HereWeGoAgain]

Well, difficult child canceled. Yesterday, wife decided against having her come to the house at all, and instead set up a brunch date at a restaurant for today while easy child 1 was at school. difficult child called this morning and said she couldn't make it.

According to the conversation with wife yesterday, difficult child is working for this man whose family she is currently living with, doing cleanup at construction sites. Supposedly he is a recovering alcoholic with 19 years sobriety* who offered her the job and place to stay, and told her about the facility she is scheduled to do the phone assessment with. She can stay at his place until a bed opens up, then come back afterwards until she can get into a sober house or an apartment. How much of this is true I don't know. To me it sounds too pat and too much like what she thinks we would want to hear. She implied that the man is married and has children (she is living with "his family"). Myself, I find it hard to imagine that his wife would be cool with him rescuing good-looking twenty-somethings and bringing them home. Anything's possible, I suppose, but like I said, color me skeptical.

Today difficult child said they had to be at the site early and that he couldn't take time out to deliver and fetch her from the brunch date. She said she'd call back later in the week, maybe we could do something Friday or Saturday? I think she's angling to get a nice meal and home visit with easy child 1, and opportunity to try to wheedle some money, out of this. wife is standing firm against it. Every passing day offers new evidence that she has turned a corner on detaching from difficult child's manipulations.

* Interestingly, that number has cropped up before. When she has wanted to impress us with a new sponsor/rescuer she has hooked up with, they always seem to have exactly 19 years of sobriety. wife's and my relationship has lasted 19 years. Do you suppose she subconsciously bases her idea of a long-term commitment on her mother's and my marriage?

 

[janebrain]

Wow,
wife is impressive! Boy, does your difficult child remind me of mine with all the conniving and stories that you don't know if they are true, half-true, etc. I agree, things sound too "good" with this guy who supposedly took her in.

wife is a good role model for me!

Jane

 

[witzend]

Yep, she sounds like she is trying to get to see easy child 1. Do you think that she has the nerve to just "pop by"?

I don't know about 19 and the number of years you are married, but I do know that supposedly there is some trick to know if you are fudging the books that says that when people lie they use the numbers "9" & "7" most often. So, you get a lot of 79's, 97's, 397's...

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

BIG props to wife for staying strong! This WILL help her in the long run.

Praying hard for the family.

 

[mrscatinthehat]

wow, so glad wife is hanging tough. sending good thoughts that things continue.

beth

 

[Star*]

Diamonds.....she doesn't know me your wife, but I think every time she reaches a milestone YOU HWGA should burn rubber out of the drive way to the local gemologist and get her a sparkly something.

I'm amazed at your ability to hold it together while listening to lies and flapjacks.

I think the most amazing thing is that you've moved to a place where you no longer say "So give me the number and name of the guy you're staying with so we can get in touch." because you know she won't - or he'll never be home, or , or, or.......and so it goes.

BRAVO and well done.......It rains proud under your roof!