difficult child calling and wheedling and manipulating...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by 92025, Aug 6, 2012.

  1. 92025

    92025 Member

    ... to come home from Juvie. Keeps asking me to tell the judge that I want him to come home, apparently his lawyer told him at his first hearing that I was not ready for him to come back after 3 days. Told him repeatedly that we are going to wait and see what the psychiatric he talked to recommends and told him the story again about how you wouldn't bring your sick kid home from the hospital early; you've got to wait and do it at the right time. He is annoyed that the letter he wrote didn't make all the issues vanish, so we talked about where he said he's "ready to face his problem and work on it". I asked him what problem he was referring to since he's taken the stance that smoking weed is perfectly harmless and not a problem at all. He got a little argumentative and talking in circles so I really hope his mind clears up a bit more by Thurs at his hearing. My guess is that they will let him come home on probation, as much as I miss him I'm not sure he's really ready to change, he may just have his awareness up about being "caught".
  2. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    So...how are YOU doing in all this?
  3. 92025

    92025 Member

    well I'm not really enjoying anything. Feel guilty eating good food and sleeping on comfy mattress at times. Feel like I should have been stricter with him when he was younger, but he seemed fine then. I'm nervous about having him back home because I'm sick of the battling and his defensiveness about all this weed nonsense. I don't want anything to do with drugs, this is an unwelcome intrusion into the nice life I worked so hard to create for us. But I'm holding up I guess...
  4. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    I know how you feel. Especially the unwelcome intrusion aspect.

    I just went back and reread my posts from when difficult child was at his worst. And I realized that in the 8 months he has been out of our home, I have forgotten just how miserable I was when he was here. And that letting him back in after 5 months out -- just restarted the clock. And now I am resolute that he shouldn't "come home".

    In my fantasy, he comes home as the boy full of promise he was 2 years ago. In reality, he would come home as the sullen, PITA he is now. I need to keep reminding myself of who he is and I need to forget "who he WAS"

    I realize that your son will have to come home. And I guess I hope that you take these final few days to prepare for his homecoming. Remembering that you have valid concerns and get a solid game plan in place.

  5. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    I agree wholeheartedly with Alabama Girl's suggestion on a previous post that you find a counselor to work out boundaries/consequences for your minor age difficult child so your life will not be a living hell when he returns home. See what the psychiatric evaluation comes up with, and what they suggest. Perhaps they will recommend wilderness program or something similar. If he returns home to his usual friends and triggers, he will fall into the same pattern.
  6. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    The courts will set up the boundaries for difficult child to abide by. These will include: mandatory drug testing, mandatory curfew, not being around people who are using drugs, probation meetings, drug classes, anger management classes, po home and school visits and if so ordered medication and counseling compliance. He will have to sign that he agrees to all of it and sign the contract. If he refuses he stays in jail. I forgot. There will probably be a piece that states no violence verbal or physical against family members and no destruction of property.
  7. 92025

    92025 Member

    all those probation requirements sound great. I'm really hoping the po will be a help to me, he is pretty anxious to get out of juvie so hopefully something in his addled brain will kick in to keep him from going back. One kid has been in 13 times for problem violations! His most latest was 5 days for having a lighter. difficult child was defensive about the stupidity of that stating, "maybe he just came back from a bonfire" @@ - that's the kind of idiocy that has me worried about him coming home.
  8. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    They learn all kinds of junk when they are in these places-just get smarter to the sytem in my experience. The fact that he is so manipulative and still oppositional reminds me of difficult child. They promise and then they fall right back. If they set up good probabtionary things, then yes perhaps he has a chance. The real issue is you will have to be willing to be honest about all his behaviors-it falls on us to report. Then there is all the attitude you get when you do. The MJ thing is very hard to get through their heads. It works-takes away the edge of their feelings and to them seems less harmful than alcohol. My difficult child still insists its the right thing. Bottom line is it is illegal and it is a coping mechanism that is less desirable than others.

    What ever you do-don't assist him in getting out early-keep telling him you are going to do what will help (hard to do when they give you much anger and the guilt sets in) Taking the hard stance is in his best interest. As for being stricter etc. etc.-don't go there. I have gone to every corner of the situation trying to find out where I went wrong. The truth-lost of kids have horrible parents who don't even do what you do and these kids come out ok. He has made choices that you could not control-believe me there is no way. For what ever reason; genetics, lack of resilience, he has ended up here. Work from here. The guilt will kill you-I speak from personal experience. We do the best we can at each stage. Guilt will make you sick and to stop caring for your self. You will no good to anybody if you are all twisted up. It is hard when you are worried and don't know which way to go-but don't go to the guilt place. ((Hugs))