difficult child doesn't know he's a difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ML, Mar 11, 2008.

  1. ML

    ML Guest

    I found a great group of moms locally that get together once in a while. It's an aspergers group. One of the mom's live real close and told me about a gymnastics class at the rec center that she was signing up her son for and thought difficult child would want to as well. Since team sports was too much for him anxiety-wise and he desperately needs exercise (tendancy towards overweight) I signed him up. Well all I hear now is how E is annoying. E pesters him when he's trying to listen. He doesn't like E. Etc. etc. I'm trying to convey to him that we have to practice tolerance and patience but he doesn't get it. He doesn't see that he can be these things at times as well. Though he usually saves the annoying stuff for home. How can he expect tolerance and acceptance when he can't practice them himself? I was just wondering how others difficult child's saw themselves? He's a pretty self centered kid but I know that's part of the package with most of them huh?
  2. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    My difficult child has NO IDEA that he's a difficult child. He thinks he's the most reasonable, well behaved boy in the world. Which makes so much of his behaviour even more infuriating.

    One of his more difficult behaviours is that he talks non-stop. And I mean NON-STOP. He talks his thoughts. Every last little item that passes through his brain gets voiced. And if you respond to any of it as if it's normal conversation, then you're in for a several-hours-long onslaught of talking.

    Well...a few years ago, difficult child came home from school in an absolute snit. He was really peeved. We had a few friends over, who have known difficult child all his life. He stormed into the living room, and said, "There's this girl in my class at school, N. She's the most annoying person ever. She Just Won't Shut Up!"


    husband, our guests and I were all falling on the floor laughing.

    difficult child then said, "No. Really, You don't understand. She. Talks. All. The. Time"


    He had no idea why we were helpless with laughter.

    I think one of difficult child's biggest issues is a lack of insight into his behaviour, and no desire to take responsibility for any of it. With luck this will change as he matures.

    Thanks for bringing back such a delightful memory, Michelle. It's nice to remember the good moments sometimes, instead of dwelling on the hard times.

  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Kids on the autism spectrum, like Aspies, often have little insight into people, including themselves. It's part of the disorder. They don't "get" people in general. That's not all Aspies, but it's common.
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think my difficult child know to some extent he is a difficult child but he does get upset when he sees others doing the same things he does!
  5. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    difficult child 1 saw himself as different, but it was generally more as an "elite" person than just odd. I don't know if that was his coping mechanism or he really thought it. He learned to fit in, but in reality, he's perfectly happy by himself.

    He's in the Marines now, doing ok, but he calls me A LOT. Don't get me wrong, I love to hear from him, but he's 19 now, in a beach community with a bunch of single guys. But he calls his mom every couple of days and will just hang on the phone til I tell him I have to go.
  6. rainbowellie

    rainbowellie New Member

    My little guy is the same way. He has no idea that his screaming and constant talking might annoy people, but if someone else gets loud or talks for a long time he gets so angry. He can see these things in other people and see how it effects him, but has no idea about how his behavior might effect others. ~Ellie
  7. ilovemykids

    ilovemykids New Member

    I fully understand our difficult child does all kinds of things to annoy people (on purpose) but as soon as someone else does it he FREAKS out at them.:furious:


  8. dizzymum

    dizzymum Sarah

    With you on this one:tongue:

    My difficult child had an appointment at the opticians, which meant a number of her aquaitances HAD to come too, a drama too good to miss!!! Whilst there, one of her chums stole a pair of glasses and later told my difficult child what she had done ( quite proudly ). WELL!!! How shocked and disgusted was she, that someone could do that whilst she was having her eyes tested? I had to stand on my tongue to keep it from flapping!!!
  9. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    We were told to immediately tell difficult child 3 about his autism, but when he was diagnosed he was too young to understand. How do you explain "autism" to a kid who can only barely understand "what" and "where" but can't fathom "why" or "how"?

    difficult child 3 was about 8 when he came home from school and said that he was different to the other kids. He said, "I'm a much better reader, and they're all so slow at maths. I'm not so good at other things. But I just don't understand the way they play and I don't understand why things seem different for me."
    That was when we explained to him about his autism. I've described this before, I used computers as an analogy - some people have easy child brains, some people have mac brains. Documents done on either can look identical, but the software that makes this happen has to be different for the different computers.

    This was also the signal for me to organise "Sixth Sense Program" for difficult child and his class, to help them ALL understand autism.

    But at 8, and even a few years older, difficult child 3 just couldn't understand that other people would not necessarily react the way he does, and that people can have different feelings and motivations. We've tried, but it's mostly a matter of keeping on reinforcing it while standing guard and nipping any bad behaviour in the bud.

    He's a lot better now, still got a way to go.

    And now he's at a drama class for kids with learning problems/developmental delay/autism, he's having to deal with kids/teens who can be very annoying sometimes. One kid he was good friends with, until that kid became difficult and apparently attention-seeking. And yes, that kid is annoying. He will walk around touching the other kids apparently just to annoy them, to get a reaction. It's inappropriate and the drama teacher tries to stop him, but it eventually escalates, the other kids (none of whom are especially patient) will start to get angry with him and then as this kid gets more stressed, he misbehaves more and eventually gets thrown out of the class.

    difficult child 3, who likes rules to be followed, gets angry with this boy for apparently deliberately breaking the rules about touching. He also would get upset with this boy when he would disobey his mother and grab a handful of biscuits from the parent' afternoon tea table.
    I finally had my chance when there was a program on TV talking about people with Prader-Willi Syndrome, which is this boy's diagnosis. I've had to reinforce a number of times and almost role-play it with difficult child 3, to explain what it must feel like to always be hungry, to never feel like you've eaten enough, to feel like everybody around you is being mean and having bigger serves than you of really yummy stuff, and if he ever gets to eat as much as he wants, he ends up in hospital having his stomach pumped. I told him, "This boy must feel very angry sometimes, especially since he knows you don't have this problem and he does. He gets angry and pokes people to try to make them as angry as he feels."

    difficult child 3 is still not good with this kid, but he no longer shouts at him. Now he just avoids him in order to avoid getting angry with him.

    It's not brilliant but it's a start.

    There is another autistic boy in the class, Aspie I think, who REALLY stirs up this other boy by calling him names. He's younger than difficult child 3 but very smart, and really seems to know how to stir up the PW kid.

    I'm hoping that when drama class goes back in a few weeks, that difficult child 3 will be in a different class. The teacher is new too, hopefully this teacher will be better able to control the action.

    It really does take time, repeated and gentle explanation, role-playing, time, more explanation, and time.

  10. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Funny (well not really) but it made me smile. My son, who is constantly in trouble with everyone has NO tolerance for the misbehavior of other children. He is constantly informing them of their wrong doings even when he is doing it himself. He also has no idea that younger children (he's 9) are not always held to the same behavior expectations. He fights constantly with my friends 3 year old and the other day he gave a lecture to a one year old in the doctor's waiting room because the toy she was playing with was not age appropriate ( I had just told him to put down the playschool toys so the little on could play with them and she later picked up a deck of cards which he felt was an unacceptable choice and told her so!) Anytime he is in trouble at school, his explaination begins with another child's name and how he/she was annoying or frustrating difficult child. My guy definitely suffers from "the World Revolves Around Me" syndrom and fails to see how his behaviors could possibly bother others-LOL
  11. tammyjh

    tammyjh New Member

    My difficult child knows that she functions mainly with her left hemisphere of the brain and she knows that she has a few diagnosis's...Asperger's being one of them and ADD tendencies being another. She knows that she has mood regulation problems. But thats the extent...she knows it but doesn't really have any idea what it all means. She thinks she has mood problems because we don't respect her and we don't do everything she wants us to. She blames her moods on her dad not calling, her spec. ed. teacher giving her assignments she doesn't want, her brother being sick last week...etc...etc... Its always someone elses fault. So, while she knows she has the diagnosis's, she has a hard time associating them with "her" behaviors.