difficult child got fired today

[Kathy813]

I haven't posted because I haven't wanted to face the truth. difficult child has been spiraling down for the last two months and I suspected that she was drinking again. She had to move out of her last place because she was fighting with one of her roommates. Then, yesterday, a coworker called me to tell me how worried she was about difficult child.

I told her that I suspected that difficult child was drinking or using again and she confirmed that difficult child was slurring her words on the phone several times when she talked to her. The coworker told me that their boss was very concerned about difficult child, also. I told the coworker that I thought difficult child needed to go to rehab for 30 days and asked if she thought that they would take her back afterwards which they have done with other workers. She said she would ask their boss.

The coworker called me back later and said that he would "support" what I thought she needed. This morning, difficult child was let go. She said she had overslept and was late and they called her in and said it was her third writeup and let her go.

I was stunned. This is not the message I was getting last night. I am wondering if they thought that this would force difficult child into rehab.

I have talked with difficult child and strongly suggested going back into rehab. Either that, or find another job immediately. She just texted me that she already has two interviews. There are a lot of call centers down there which is what she was doing. Her boss did say he would give her a good recommendation.

I know I have to step back and let things be. She needs to deal with this. I really wish she would choose rehab.

~Kathy

 

[BusynMember]

Hugs, Kathy.

I hope she chooses rehab too. I'm so sorry.

 

[Childofmine]

I feel your bewilderment and hurt and fear. I hope she chooses rehab. She is in another city? That is great. Geography sure doesn't solve this, but it really helps.

Hang in there and keep posting. We understand.

Prayers for you today.

 

[Nancy]

I'm sorry to hear this. As you know my difficult child was fired last week. Seems to be what they do.

I hope she goes back into rehab too Kathy.

 

[DDD]

Sending caring and supportive thoughts to you, Kathy. It's a long rough road with our dysfunctional offspring. Sigh! Hugs DDD

 

[lovemysons]

I'm sorry to hear this Kathy.

My young difficult child did much the same thing. Started with arguing with people at work, drinking, and then quitting his job (with his brother) started work with competing company and was let go within 3 weeks from that one. He hasn't recovered since.

My hope is that your difficult child will either go back to Rehab or bounce back quickly in finding a new job. Sounds like she still needs additional tools to cope though...

Nancy, I am also very sorry to hear about your difficult child as well.
Hugs for you both,
LMS

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

Oh, no.

There is still every chance that she will take this as a wake up call, Kathy. Now that the problem is in the open, it will be possible to address it with her head on.

I'm so sorry.

Cedar

 

[Kathy813]

Well, difficult child looks good on paper. Since she doesn't have a computer, she asked me to send resumes to jobs she found on Craigslist. She already has two interviews for tomorrow and another person called and left a message that they want her to come in for an interview.

But, y'all are right, this will just happen again and again if she doesn't get back into recovery. difficult child says that she has called a therapist to set up and appointment and is willing to go back to Intensive Oupatient in a night program while she works.

Of course, this could just be words.

~Kathy

 

[Calamity Jane]

I'm sorry, Kathy, and Nancy, too. It is a pattern. Seems like the one thing we can count on is that our difficult children are consistently inconsistent. I hope she wises up and goes back to rehab.

 

[toughlovin]

Kathy and Nancy too,

I am so sorry.....we all keep hoping our difficult children will get it together and then get so disappointed when they relapse! It is so heartbreaking.

My son is currently doing ok..... and in a parent support group meeting I made some comment showing my hope and the director looked at me and said one day at a time!

I realized that both when they are using and when they are in recovery it is still one day at a time for us as well as for them.

Unfortunately for us there is not a cure or an end to this disease... our difficult children will be dealing with addiction issues the rest of their lives... and we just have to keep hoping they get and stay in recovery one day at a time.

Stay strong Kathy.... and just remember to be there to help when she is helping herself.... and dont help when she is not because that turns into enabling.

Hugs,

TL


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[Signorina]

No words of wisdom here,just lots of love & support for you.

I am pretty sure my difficult child is in the spiral too- the overdraft notices are piling up; and he's avoiding us which is always a bad sign. (And I'm posting at 5:30 am, another bad sign)

I am glad she formed a bond with- a coworker who cares and that she's being proactive with the new job search. I am hoping this will be a small slip up.

Try not to worry too much and please stay in touch. I will light those candles again - and say a prayer for all our kids & their guardian angels.

 

[comatheart]

I'm so sorry. Just.wanted you to know I'm thinking about you. This disease sucks.

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

Just checking in.

:O)

Kathy, there are good things happening here, too. Your daughter does look good on paper. She has a chance she might not have had, otherwise. She is going to be given a good reference. That is priceless. That this happened now...better now, when you are all still fresh from the fight, when you are all still committed to her success. Statistically, a slip into old behaviors was likely. This one was caught early.

These are all things that work in your daughter's favor. Biggest of all is that she admits this is something too big for her to cope with alone at this point.

She may be dealing with this all her life. Maybe that this happened now and that she was caught in it now will be the thing that teaches her how to come back from it when, some long time in the future, you aren't here to help her, anymore.

We are all learning more about how to do what we need to with our own kids from your posting, Kathy.

Thank you.

Cedar

 

[Childofmine]

Biggest of all is that she admits this is something too big for her to cope with alone at this point.

THIS is the turning point we all hope for with our difficult children. Cause for celebration!

 

[Kathy813]

Well, she says she has started going back to AA meetings and had a trial day at a salon as an assistant and is waiting to hear back from that. She also has an appointment with a therapist that specializes in substance abuse and mental health who is on her insurance and says she has found an IOP that takes her insurance.

difficult child also said that she had talked to her old boss on Friday and that he said he would consider taking her back if she went to inpatient or did IOP with therapy. They are going to talk again when he gets back into town next week. This job was started by people in recovery and they hire people in recovery so they are much more open to giving second chances. They have hired others back that relapsed but got treatment.

All of this sounds good but will cost us more money since she won't be able to pay her bills with this break in employment. Once again, she just expects up to help her financially and I don't know if we should or not. I just don't have much hope left anymore that this will ever end.

 

[Signorina]

I know it's all disheartening but at the same time she has not derailed completely. So many times, we've watched our kids slip up and let a small slip be the catalyst for catastrophe. It sounds like she is on a different track and I truly hope that's the case this time. I think it's good that you are cautious and agree you should take a wait and see approach.

 

[tiredmommy]

TL~ I please repost.

 

[toughlovin]

Thanks TiredMommy..... now I have to remember what I said!

Kathy - this is so hard. The reality I have been realizing is there is not an end to this disease of addiction.... I think that is why they say relapse is part of the recovery process. Maybe recovery is not the right word because it implies "cured". But our addicts are always in the process of recovery I dont think they are ever recovered.

So yeah giving up hope that this is the end of her addiction may be realistic. However it does not mean there is no hope.... we still have hope that they will get into recovery, stay in recovery and lead productive lives... and that if they relapse it will be shortlived. That is the hope I have for my difficult child.

I think your daughter has made real progress and it sounds like she is taking some good steps herself to figure this out.

One of the things I have realized this time around with my son in treatment, is this needs to be his journey of treatment. I am staying out of all the treatment stuff. I may ask a question here and there but I am not part of any of the decisions.... and he has not signed a release for me to get detailed information about what is going on and so I am not getting that information. I only get what he tells me and for once I am ok with this. They will call me if he leaves and that is and has to be enough. I have to let him have this as his journey and my being involved gets in the way.

TL



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