Thanks for the hugs DDD.
Alb, the thing is that I don't really feel that I know my son either, not like I used to know him. He's become a different person over the past ten years and it's difficult to know what could or couldn't happen. He definitely wouldn't deliberately neglect the cats, but I'd be concerned that he would just wander off and not take the responsibility seriously. He's not reliable and I don't think he'd respect my home properly. I haven't acknowledged that before, but it's true.
Echo, I always feel that we are distant kindred spirits when I read your posts, our sons are both cold, wet and smelly and seem to have similar issues and we seem to have similar feelings about their choice to be homeless and living rough. It does seem crazy to pay someone to look after my cats when I know that my son loves them and would benefit from having a roof over his head and hot water for a week. But the fact that I am so unsure about suggesting this probably means that I shouldn't suggest it. I would worry about the house with him here. He's just so likely to flood the bathroom or burn the kitchen or, more likely, feel constrained, claustrophobic, bored and stir-crazy stuck in a house and just decide to pack his bag and disappear. We've discussed their health issues before haven't we? ... and difficult children do seem to be more prone to physical suffering and over-dramatising their pain.
MWM, what a nightmare with your daughter! I haven't had any experience of dealing with drug issues, apart from smoking pot. I can remember going away and leaving 2 of them at home when they were teenagers and coming back to a house that looked as if it had been hastily cleaned. They told us nothing had happened, then a few days later I found a load of photos posted on facebook of at least twenty kids having a wild party in my house. Surreal. That was the last time I trusted them. He's not going to have a mad party now as he hates most people and would rather be alone. I agree that he needs to get medical care, but he has been to the ER recently and they told him there was nothing wrong with him. He has recently asked if I'd pay for him to see a homoeopath, £65 for one hour!! I'm through paying for him though, he is more than capable of earning money himself to pay for his alternative therapies. We have a National Health Service here and most healthcare is free, but he thinks he needs to use natural therapies, which, in a lot of cases seem expensive and unproven. I'm not convinced his aches and pains are completely genuine, although they are genuine to him, I think there may be some psychosomatic element.
I agree Cedar, I shouldn't be thinking differently just because I will be far away.
"I think having him home while you are gone might be enabling. To my mind, enabling is when we do something that weakens the kids, something that implies they are inept or incapable. For me, anyway, I am trying to believe they are strong, smart, capable people who are, whatever it looks like to me, doing what they want to do. " and, as Echo points out, he may not want to stay here anyway. (although I think he probably would, at least for a short time until he had the urge to run away).
I wouldn't worry about pawning Terry, he has never stolen from us and I can't imagine that happening - but I can definitely imagine an e-mail from him saying he is terribly ill and suffering but 'don't worry about him and have a great holiday' haha.
Thanks for your words COM. I have been to NYC a few times before and love it. I am hoping to get to the Morgan Library this time as I have managed to miss this on previous occasions. I hope you liked England on your trip. I live in Wales, but a couple of my kids live in England so we go there regularly (although it's not as nice as Wales

haha).
First, your son is 27, not 10, if he is in pain, he should deal with it. There is something "off" about a 27 year old man texting his mom about his joint pain. Boys almost a decade younger are in a war zone with no one to complain to. He made his life choices, and he has to find his way through.
That's tough but true RE.
How great that you grew up in NY! I grew up in a city but live in the countryside now. The first time I was in New York I was very disturbed by the disparity between the extremes of wealth and poverty. I was upset by the destitute, homeless people in Washington Park, pushing their belongings around in a trolley, stinking and filthy. And now my son has chosen to live like that. Life is cruel and plays tough tricks on us. Where are the parents of those people in Washington Square? What are their stories? I know I'll feel like crying when I go back there next week.
Thanks for sharing your story Kathy, I appreciate your advice. How are things with your difficult child now? It's so hard to trust your child again once they have gone off on a strange life road and you feel that they are a bit lost to you.
I think we will probably not ask my son to stay. I need a break away with nothing to worry about and it's probably just as well if he can't contact me. He can always contact his older sister if it's a dire emergency and she knows where we are staying. It's also too short a timescale now to arrange to pick him up and so on. I would need to think about this for longer and have more proper arrangements in place, as I did when he stayed for a couple of nights recently. I may ask him to stay and look after the cats at some time in the future, possibly if we go away for just a weekend and then see how that goes. One week is a long time in the life of a difficult child. A weekend would be more do-able.
So, bon voyage to me!! and I'll enjoy feeing physically closer to you all for a week - so send me some good vibes.
Happy Easter xx