difficult child husband VENT -- Instability (AGAIN)

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by gcvmom, Jan 29, 2009.

  1. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I just need to get this out here today. I am feeling irritated and disappointed, but mostly irritated. I know I'll get over this.

    We cut husband's Trileptal dose in half about three weeks ago because 1) he was EXTREMELY tired all the time on it and 2) he was still having mild seizures. His neuro is going to change the medications next week.

    But in the MEAN time... his obsessive behavior is back. His short temper is back. His attention and thoughts are all OVER the place. (The longer I live with him and the more I read, the more I'm convinced he's cyclothymic aka mild bipolar). He is still in a happier mood overall than when he's off Paxil, though. And he's still on Paxil.

    In short, he is driving me NUTS and I just want to smack him. But I realize it's his illness (even if he doesn't realize it) doing this.

    His GP did a Trileptal level check when he ordered bloodwork a few weeks ago. We sent a copy to the neuro and psychiatrist. psychiatrist called and said the medication wasn't even at therapeutic levels and he was taking 1200mg per day. All the more reason to stop it since it was also making him sleep 18+ hours a day.

    But clearly, clearly, clearly he needs this kind of medication for mood stabilization.

    He's going for a sleep study tonight -- we think he has apnea on top of all this. He's not supposed to nap today, and although he stayed home because he felt too tired to drive to work, he did fall asleep for about a 1/2 hour. I woke him and dragged him out to have lunch with my parents, with the ulterior motive of keeping him from sleeping all afternoon.

    While out, we stopped to pick up printer ink. His attention was all over the place. I knew if we lingered in the store he'd have the basket filled with all kinds of useless stuff that we can't afford right now. As we left, he starts in about his usual obsession when he's like this (sex). I'm trying to ignore as much of his verbal ramblings as I can. He's trying to provoke me and getting more and more agitated. Within two miles of leaving the store, he exploded and lashed out at me over stuff that felt to me very out-of-the-blue (but knowing what I know now about manic behavior, his mind had probably made several hundred topic leaps and he was simply blurting out the most recent thing, even though that's not where any of our conversations had started). The rest of the ride home was silent. I was ticked and in no mood to talk to him. I'm looking forward to him being gone tonight at the sleep study!

    Whew. Anyway, I'm realizing more and more that he's got a significant problem. I may call the psychiatrist tonight with a "spousal" update on my observations, FWIW.

    If you made it this far, thanks for sticking with me. Like I said, I just needed to get this OUT of me!
  2. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending some peaceful quiet...
  3. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Oh boy........what a frustrating situation. I would want to smack him too:faint:

    There are SO many mood stabs out there that are also anti-seizure medications........surely the psychiatrist can switch him to a new one???

    My 1st husband, difficult children bio dad, was/is bi-polar (and an addict - yea, really fun:ashamed:). At the time I did not know too much about mental illness - but by the end of my marriage it became clearer and clearer. Now in retrospect - geesh - every sign was there. And it was exhausting, in every sense of the word. I so understand, and I am so sorry.

    I will be sending positive thoughts your way that husband's doctor finds the right medication for him.
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Do you live with me? LOL

    My mind is racing right now too. Maybe its the time of year. I swear I feel like I am going to go psychotic if I dont really hold myself together. I am really struggling right now.
  5. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    ............(evil thought) put him in the coop!

    OH SHE DID NOT SAY THAT!:surprise:
  6. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    out of you...it is all out of you....you are now just you and the tranquill inner you...and all that stress has dripped off the teflon outer field of your deep inner bliss like dew drops on a windy day.
  7. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Sounds like a perfect night for a soak in the tub! Enjoy the peace and quiet. -RM
  8. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Vent away! It sounds like you've earned it!
  9. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Glad you have a peaceful night ahead. I'm sorry the days are so rough right now. I hope the sleep study helps. difficult child just spent his second night at the sleep clinic-he does have apnea and they had the second one to have him sleep with the cpap mask and determine how much air he needs. difficult child doesn't want to wear the mask but I'm hoping we will be able to have him wear it nightly once we get the machine.

    Hugs to you.
  10. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Reminds me that I really need to get husband back on his trazadone. He's almost human when he's taking it regularly.

    Enjoy your nigh off from husband, you most certainly deserve it.

  11. Jena

    Jena New Member

    i'm sorry. i'm glad you are getting a peaceful night and are alone somewhere quiet in a room enjoying it.


    sending you hugs!!!
  12. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I hope they find something to help him. FWIW, Trileptal was a bad medication for my husband too. My husband has been irritable lately too, I sent him to the store with a friend and he mellowed by the time he got home. He is definately off, but I know nothing according to him. Whatever.
  13. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Thanks everyone :)

    I am home, but not alone -- two difficult child's with tons of homework and a bored easy child. But I managed to get her to read her library book and she's quiety engrossed in that on the couch right now.

    difficult child 1 is in his room working on his assignments that are due tomorrow (and he's a bit behind on these, so who knows how late he'll be up).

    difficult child 2 is at the dining room table where I can help him stay focused and on track. He is behind as well in his assignments.

    husband took difficult child 2 to basketball practice this afternoon and then to grab a quick bite to eat. They didn't get home until 6:45pm, which is a bit irritating since practice ended at 5pm or so and difficult child 2 has all this homework, not to mention the fact that it only left husband with 15 minutes to shower and get his stuff together for his sleep study before he needed to leave to get there on time. Sometimes he is so good at managing his time (like at work) and other times he is SUCH a difficult child!

    Sigh. At least it IS quiet. I got to read the paper while helping difficult child 2 with his math. I may even get to watch some TV later when everyone's in bed. I probably won't see husband until sometime tomorrow night, since he's going straight to work after the study in the morning and then going out with some friends to a happy hour (tho he only drinks diet Coke) after work.

    He was amazingly clueless about how his outburst today affected me. He was acting as if nothing unusual had happened at all! I shouldn't be surprised, I guess, because that's been the modus operandi for the past 19 years. He has changed, but some days it feels like it's been at a glacial pace and at great cost to me.

    Well, as Scarlet would say, "Tomorrow is another day!"
  14. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Oh, I had to laugh about the racing mind and stupid shopping... husband and I will be talking and my mind will be racing, when I get agitated I try to argue and can't recall what I had just been thinking let alone saying!!!
    husband gets his *feathers* all in a ruffle, because he is he11 bent on an argument now! But I have no idea what I am talking about, he ends up mad and I am mad because I can't remember what I thinking about or trying to say!
    Which is kind of frustrating. A little.
    I also will but mindless things in the basket...oops! husband is like, what the frick is that? DO we NEED that? I will say, "Well yeah, look how cool it is" or "It is on SALE!"

    I hope at least you get a good nights sleep! Stretch out and enjoy the whole bed.
  15. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I guess I slept o.k. Stayed up too late watching TV, but it's so rare that I actually get to have the remote and decide what to watch, I was taking advantage (too much)!

    For some odd reason I woke at 4:30. Went back to sleep but then easy child tip-toed in at 6:45 for some reason and was already dressed for school (very odd). Turns out she got up before sunrise! Then she said she went out to watch the sun come up. (?)

    I talked to husband. His test went well. They woke him at 1:30 and put the CPAP mask on. He said he feels a bit better rested today than he has lately (he SOUNDED very chipper, anyway). We'll get the results soon.

    Later this morning I got an email apology from him for the nasty mood swing yesterday (I'd pointed it out in a "goodnight" email I sent last night). I'm hoping that if I continue to point out these episodes his lightbulb will go on and he'll address it with his psychiatrist. I also called the psychiatrist yesterday and left a vm about what I'm seeing in husband.

    For the first 17 years of our marriage I sucked up the hurt his mood swings and other symptoms caused, thinking it must be my fault. But two years ago I hit bottom realized that it wasn't about me at all. It took a lot of counseling and group therapy (and medication) and I finally am to the point where I am firm in my own reality and truth and will gladly stand up to "the emperor's lack of clothing" so to speak. His issues are HIS. He has a problem, most likely fixable, and I'll continue to do what I can to steer him towards the help I think he needs while being good to myself and taking care of what I need. As long as he continues to cooperate and TRY, then I think we'll make it in the long run.
  16. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    gcvmom, I think you've got it right. There's not a one of us perfect in this world and as long as your husband acknowledges the problems and does make an effort to make you happy and corrects his "issues", he's worth the time vested in him. Yeah, for you & your hubby!

    by the way, my husband has sleep apnea and wears a cpap machine EVERY night even when we travel. It is the rare occurrence that he takes a nap, but he did a couple of weekends ago and he even wore it then. He said he feels sooooo much better when he uses it.
  17. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    MT3, thank you :)

    I've been through such dark times with him... the progress he's made on medications in the last year or so has been tremendous and given me a taste of just how good life can be, which makes it easier to fight for now. He's backsliding a bit right now, but I'm hopeful his docs will find the right medication to get him back on track.
  18. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I hope the good times return. Soon.
  19. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Well, without a doubt he needs an anti-convulsive to control the seizures AND his mood. There are a host of other seizure medications that he can try....what type of seizures is he really having? Trileptal is for partial seizures, but is that what he's having? It seems like since the Trileptal and the Lamictal weren't controlling his seizures, so they may have to go with something like Depakote that would treat a more complex seizure disorder.
  20. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Loth, his seizures are simple partials (they originate in his rt TL) with autonomic symptoms (nausea, dizzy/light headed, flushing, sweating, increase in bowel sounds/activity/gas/burping, sometimes a strange taste).

    psychiatrist was thinking Tegretol some time ago and the Neuro mentioned that before as well. We go back to the neuro next week.