difficult child is Missing.... Updated on Separate Thread

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, Nov 3, 2009.

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  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    She was last seen at the bus stop--but the driver says she never got on the bus this am...

    She was really angry last night after being told she could not date the boy with the history of violence and sexual aggression--went to bed without speaking to us--not even a "good night".

    This am, she got ready for school--took a backpack full of books and everything--but never showed up at school.

    Got a call from the school counselor today, who wanted to alert me that there was a rumor cirulating that difficult child was pregnant....she thought that maybe we should check it out. Then the counselor asked whether difficult child was feeling well, as she was not in school today.

    So that's the first we realized she was missing....

    Whether this was a planned running away, a spur-of the-moment decision to ditch school, or something way worse....we don't know.

    We made a missing child report to the sheriff's office and we have notified everyone we know.

    So now, we don't know whether difficult child will saunter in at the usual time and pretend she was at school all day--or whether she is actually, seriously, gone somewhere....

    Don't know what to think.

  2. wasnt_me331

    wasnt_me331 New Member

    Oh wow!!! I am so very sorry to hear that. Do you have any ideas on where she might be?
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'm sorry....my son pulled a stunt like this once in 6th grade and I thought someone had snatched him. He had gone to school but never got on his bus to come home- he was not home 45 mins after school had ended so I called cops and reported him as missing and demand they do a missing child report instead of a run-away...even though they insisted that over 90% of the time, the kid has run away and will return. The next morning I was even more frantic and drove to the school as soon as it opened to go off on the principal for not keeping up with my child. About that time, guess who arrives on a different bus with another boy from a different neighborhood?? I guess that other boy's mother bought the story that I let my 12yo spend the night on a school night even though I had never spoken to this woman, did not know her child, and my son had NOT ONE single item that most kids would take for a sleep-over. (Did I mention that I'm not too impressed with her?)

    I'm bringing this up to try to offer you a little comfort that your daughter is probably ok. Have you called all her friends to see if any of them missed school unexpectly today? I'd stay on the cops to make sure they are looking too. It sounds like she caught wind that the sd was going to tell you she might be pregnant and she ran. Where's the boyfriend?
  4. Jena

    Jena New Member

    wow i had no idea what was going on with-you and this is what your dealing with. How are you holding up and yes i'm so out of the loop due to not being around, sorry.

    so, it sounds like you have done all the right things, now its' just a sit and wait game. Bare with me for not knowing the back up info, yet do you have any idea how to contact the interesting boyfriend to see if she's with him?

  5. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Thanks K--

    We already talked to the mother of the aggressive boy--he's clearly not involved.

    As for the potential father of any baby? No clue. If difficult child has been messing around, it's been at school or while cutting classes. We've never met any "boyfriend".

    Already tried checking with the school to see if any of her friends were also absent today....citing privacy laws, the school was no help.

    Most likely scenario is that someone she "kinda knows" pulled over at the bus-stop and the two of them decided to go somewhere. Whether that "somewhere" is Chicago, Florida or the guy's basement--who the heck knows?

  6. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Thanks, Jena--

    Right now, i don't know whether to be angry or scared. I guess I am both.

    There is still a chance that she will come home shortly and pretend that everything is fine...
  7. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Thanks for your support....

    Unfortunately, no....we have no leads.
  8. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    DF - I am sending you lots of hugs and rattling all the beads I can find, praying to every patron saint there is including St Anthony (patron of lost things)...

    Let us know please!
  9. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I just read your sig- if she was recently released from a psychiatric hospital, maybe call cops and tell them this and that you are worried about her being a danger to self (if you are) and see if you can get a tdo issued. They will really look harder then- or should.

    No- the sd can't tell you about other kids but do you know any phone numbers so you can call and talk with their parents? Can you ask the principal to let other parents of friends know you'd like for them to call you?
  10. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry.. I know that worry all too well. The only comfort I can give you is that each and every time my Youngest "disappared," she was found safe and sound and just being a PITA. Check her friends' Facebook and MySpace pages, if you can access those.

    HUGS. I hope she turns up soon.
  11. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I have not been there done that and am terribly sorry you are living the nightmare that so many difficult child parents have endured. I'm sending caring thoughts and prayers for your entire family. DDD
  12. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Have you called her cell phone, assuming she has one?

    If you pay the phone bill, can you go online to look at the account to find out what numbers she's called recently?

    If you call the phone carrier and explain the situation of a missing minor, they may be able to help you track down the phone's location.

    Hope she turns up soon!
  13. compassion

    compassion Member

    Daisyface (((( )))) to you. I have been through this so many times with difficult child since June, 2008. Does she have a cell phone? In my experince, there is like one of t-docs says, a lot of sex,drugs (drinking) and rock 'n roll going on. I used to put myself in such a frenzy. Actually, she has not lived here in over three months and I do know where she is now and talk to her daily. Take care of yourself. You are in my thoughts. Compassion
  14. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I'm so sorry. Keep us posted.

  15. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Ohhhh. I would be terrified! I do hope she shows up "on time" with an innocent "I am back from school" greeting. Then you can be furious!

    I pray she is safe where ever she is. My heart goes out to you.
  16. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Just wanted to send hugs and see if there was an update.
  17. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    {{{Hugs}}} Please update as soon as you can. Meanwhile I'll be sending good thoughts and prayers to you from NY state. :(
  18. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Daisy - I'm so very sorry. I hope that she turns up soon.

    I agree with- checking the various social networking sites. Email, cell phone, etc.

    Sigh - I'm so sorry she's upping the ante here. Sending many good thoughts to you and hoping she's back home.
  19. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    She sounds to me like she is getting caught up in the romance of it all. The parents banning the desired boyfriend, for example. Do you remember your own school days? I remember the girls talking about their love for a certain boy whom their parents had forbidden them seeing - it only made them want THAT boy all the more. And yes, the parents generally were right and they ended up getting hurt by the boy, but if the ban hadn;t been on, the romance would not have been given that extra zing.

    Running off like this - agian, romantic. Her mood will alternate between "NOW they'll be sorry they shouted at me," to "I will know how much they love me, by how much trouble they go to to find me."
    Of course, wherever she is she will be pleading with someone to keep her hidden, if it's a boy then she will be playing directly to his protectiveness.

    YOu say she took a backpack full of books - if she left intending to ditch school then she will have ditched the books. If this is not the result of your argument, then she may have had an "exit plan" in place for some time, may have swapped books for supplies at a previously arranged lcoation.

    Has anyone looked for the books? Is there a place in the area where she could have had previous access to a public locker? Railway station, bus station, local swimming pool...

    She didn't catch the bus this morning. So she would have walked from the bus stop (or caught another bus from that stop) with a backpack full of books. If she left with the intention to go missing, then those books won't have travelled far.

    Whatever you do (especially when she returns) try to not add to the romance of it all. Try to think like she will be thinking, and counter it. Take out the romance of it (and handing out chores as punishment is only adding to the romance, Cinderella-style). For example, if she just saunters in, then take her down to the cop shop personally, to call off the hounds and the dragging of the ponds... because there's nothing romantic about an angry cop.

    I hope she turns up soon, safe and sound.

  20. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

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