difficult child update

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by rejectedmom, Jul 25, 2010.

  1. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    As many of you might remember difficult child got out of jail over the winter. We did not let him come home to us and he went to a shelter close by. He did well for a little while but then moved out of the shelter which was trying to get him into therapy and on medical assistance to live with some "friends" on a farm just over the state line. He was helping on the farm and working at a FF resturant and had applied to the Fire company and that was looking good. Then he started drinking again (bad mix with his medications) and lost his job his housing and also got a non life threating STD. He also has several new criminial charges including an assault on his girlfriend, a DUI, driving without a licence and unauthorized use of a motor vehicle. He will be going to court for those charges this week. He will get at least a year i jail according to his lawyer.
    The news didn['t surprise us but the fact that he broke his girlfriend's nose was more than upsetting to us. He asked me to go and round up his possessions for him while he wwent to rehab. I refused. It was hard but I had told him when he took them all out of my house that I would not gather them back up for him again. We also told him that we didn't want anything more to do with his life until he was sober for a good long time (husband said years..sigh)...
    We haven't heard from him or seen him since July 4th. He may already be in jail here for non payment of his court fees. I do not know I haven't checked the prison roll. husband and I are so dead inside when it come to feeling anything but frustration and disgust for his life choices anymore. His siblings feel the same way. Yet I still miss him and I often find myself looking for him when I drive through town.

    I'm sure there will be more chapters to the story of his life and mine in the future but for now that is on hold. I know there are others here who have had to sever ties with their difficult child for the sake of their sanity and safety. I thank you for having shared that with the forum because knowing that there are others out there that have walked this path does help.
    wishing you all many blessings..-RM
  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry RM. There sure are a lot of us out here who have either had to cut off contact or are contemplating it. I know some of the sadness you feel everytime my difficult child goes on the run. I am afraid someday it will be for good and I will be looking around town as I drive through also.

    I hate what alcohol does to some people and I hate that it's so hard for them to stay away from it.

    I think you are doing the right thing but that doesn't stop the hurt.

  3. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    I'm so sorry, RM. Hugs for your hurting heart.
  4. Bean

    Bean Member

    Just wanting to share more hugs with you. What a hard place to be. The fact that you haven't called the prison to see if he is there sounds like a sign of achieving a decent level of attachment. Is that true? Doesn't mean that a momma's heart still doesn't hurt though.
  5. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am so sorry. You are doing the right thing. It is important for the difficult children to realize that people around them can only take so much. There is a breaking point for everyone. It is a natural consequence to their choices. If only he could see that.

  6. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Nancy, Katya, Bean and Busywend, Thank you for your kind words and Cyber hugs. As it turns out difficult child called me this morning...Must have be telapathy...he nolonger goes to court tomorrow. They are asking for a postponement cause the PD hasn't had time to work on his case. WTH Anway...
    He says he is living at his Sponsor's house since felt like he wanted to use... Also he now has alot of hope that he will not get any or little jail time...He is kidding himself in my opinion. These are serious charges. He broke his girlfriend's nose and took her car and he didn't have a licence and was drunk and speeding etc. He is thinking he will only get three months now but he had toldme a year when he first consulted the lawyer. Oh well, sigh, at least I know that he isn't a John Doe somewhere. -RM
  7. Bean

    Bean Member

    Hang in there, momma.
  8. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    At least it's "good news and bad news" instead of just "bad news". I hope he will want to continue his sobriety. It sounds like he is in a safe place for now.
  9. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Thanks Bean!

    Witz, you are correct It could be worse. I can always count on you ladies to find the bright spots in a situation even if they are small and hard to see. Thank you. -RM
  10. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I just wish I had something more upbeat to say...
  11. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Thanks Wendy, it is hard to find a purpose for a life that is so messed up and seemingly will continue to be so. Dispite all the help that he is offered and all the lessons he should have learned, he keeps making the same mistakes over and over and over again. I try not to think about it too much and have accepted that all I accomplished as a parent was giving him a happy childhood with the help and support he needed during that time. It has to be enough for me or I will be bitter and sad after all the time, effort, expense and heartache that being his mother required. -RM
  12. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    I know your pain. Can't offer any answers, just know you are not alone.
  13. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hugs. I'm glad that you at least know he is in a safe place for now, the not knowing is pretty difficult to deal with, I know.
  14. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE