difficult child update

[tracy551]

Well home visit went well on Sunday. He actually sat dowwn and had dinner with us and talked. (this visit was just his visit from the temporary placement)
Today though I had a horrible day. We went to court today to see if difficult child would be coming home. I had everthing in order, the papers for the new school, the papers for the drug and alcohol counseling, everything. I had my chance to talk but then his so called attorney talked and he says "In the best interest of the everyone I think he should go to placement" I truely believe their minds were made up before we got there, because they had a guy from this boys ranch was there and irronically they had space for him today. So they took him right from the courtroom. He'll be there for 6 months min. My husband couldn't be there so I was alone to deal with this. As if even if he was there he would of been any support. I guess it's a mom thing wanting your kids to be near you.
So now he is 3 hours away with 2 phone calls a month and no idea of or if visits will happen.
I FEEL LIKE SH*T!!!! Sorry guys this is not a good night :sad: Such a headache from crying all day.
I feel like I've let him down even though I tried to help. What do I do in a situation like this, how do I cope without difficult child feeling I abandoned him?
:crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying:

 

[nlg319]

I'm so sorry you are sad. I can relate a little bit as my daughter, who is 15, is in a temporary foster home placement. We go to court May 16th. She is only 30 minutes away so I don't know the long distance pain you feel. I feel the same way tonight...just crying, have a head ache and just don't feel like dealing with my other kids...husband is away on a trip, which is actually better...Sad to say!

Can you send him cards? I did that when my daughter went to live with her bio. dad the first time several years ago. I actually came to this site then, under a different name. I felt like a part of me was missing,despite her horrendous attitude and behavior, I was sick with guilt...

Hope your night goes ok...and you get some peaceful sleep!

 

[everywoman]

Don't feel quilty. I know you are sad. Mine was in jail for 23 days, and I never went to see him or talked to him on the phone. I wish I had used the juvinile system way back when I had a chance and maybe he wouldn't be a felon now. Maybe the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) can do something to help your son with his issues. You could use the opportunity to work with your younger son on his coping skills. Living with a difficult child is hard.

 

[Wiped Out]

Hugs to you.

 

[Loris]

I'm sorry you're hurting. I know how hard it is.

 

[AK0603]

(((hugs)))to you. I am so scared that this is what will come to me one day. All I pray for is in time, difficult child will understand why as parent's we feel like we have to do what happens.

I hope things work out! My son is living 6000 miles away from me right now with- his dad, and he's been gone 9 wks, I have NEVER been away from him like this - and it's horrible....so I feel your saddness. It's overwhelming.

 

[tracy551]

The worst thing is not knowing how he is, what he's feeling, how he will get though this. Despite all the things difficult child has done he is still very much a little boy. He is very emotional this time away, not like last time. Last time he was just angry, this time all he does is cry. I feel like he'll think no one cares, like everyone has left him, like we just put him there to "get rid of him" NOT TRUE!!!!!!!!! I still want to get him home but how????
God help me get though this!!!!!

 

[Sunlight]

he will have to do his placement if that is what the court ordered. you will not be able to get him out of it. you will be able to call and ck on him, write him and visit him. he must have needed this, hon. he has had other placements and still seem to not get it.

it is sad. I still feel bad for my 23 yr old ant. he is on my mind and I wish things could be different. he had many placements, many opportunities. he chooses the stupid path the one that hurts him and me most it seems.

hang in there, mom. let us see if this time your son hates his life enough to change it. you did not abandon him. he forced this not you.

I am so sorry you are hurting and I am sorry I just saw this now. your son will make it. he will learn something.