Difficult decision made

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by slsh, Feb 15, 2008.

  1. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    thank you was admitted again last night. It's become very apparent that he cannot function in the TLP program. No one forces him to bathe, do laundry, do any basic ADLs. He has started cutting and given the degree of depression I saw last night and the significant amount of cutting he's done, someone should have caught this much sooner. He was, once again, wearing no socks last night and the state of the clothing he was wearing is beyond words.

    It's heartbreaking and very sad, but husband and I both agree he needs to return to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). He needs more supervision. He needs staff who will fight the basic battles of hygiene and appropriate attire.

    It's a huge step backwards, especially since I'm not sure he'll ever learn to do for himself if others do for him, but first and foremost has to be health and safety. He absolutely refuses to take any responsibility for self-care.

    My heart ached for my boy last night. He's in pretty bad shape emotionally.
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Sue, I'm sorry for your hurting mommy heart. Just know that you're doing everything in your power to get thank you the help he needs. Sending many gentle hugs your way.
  3. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Oh, Sue, I'm so sorry. It must be so frustrating that he refuses to help himself.
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sue, I am so very sorry. This is so hard on the parents' hearts. I hope you and husband can turn to each other to help yourselves through this. Of course, we will be here for you also.


  5. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Well-Known Member

    My heart broke while reading your post. I'm so very sorry this is happening.
  6. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Is there something in the air??? Is it the start of March Madness??? I am so sorry. I hope this can get him on a road to somewhere??? To health and hygiene... to something like stability... Cause it don't seem like none of us are gonna see stability in a long time!!!
    I am hoping for it and for you!!!
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending very sincere, supportive hugs your way. DDD
  8. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    So sorry to hear this. I know how hard back steps are. I sure hope this will help him out in the long run.


  9. daralex

    daralex Clinging onto my sanity

    I'm so sorry for the step backwards. It sounds like at least the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) will keep a better eye on him - it should have never escalated to this point - they should have taken better care of your boy. I'm so sorry you have to endure all this heartache!!!! sending mommy to mommy ((HUGS))
  10. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Sue, that stung my mommy heart to read that. I know yours must be breaking. I am so sorry.
    Gentle hugs and many prayers to you.
  11. On_Call

    On_Call New Member


    I am so sorry this happened! I'm sorry also that I have no words of wisdom - just wanted to send gentle {{hugs}}.
  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry for your mommy heart. Steps backwards are so hard. You are an incredible warrior mom and I wish I could do something to ease the hurting. Gentle hugs.
  13. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

  14. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    Sending (((hugs))) for your & husband's sore heart this morning.
  15. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Again, slsh, I relate to the devastating affect that an apparent backslide does to the warrior mom's hope.
    A way to look at it, is he reached high and fell a little short. Residential Treatment Center (RTC) may not be a backslide but where he will regroup in an environment where it is not so emotionally exhausting to function. Let him "hole" up and recharge. What is a step back may just be a rest stop before the next step forward.

    I always liked the saying "Reach for the moon. Even if you fall short you get a handful of stars". He did get something from his stay outside of the Residential Treatment Center (RTC).

    Some of our kids just may never get to the point of total independence. They just can't do it. I face that every day and just keep trying to support difficult child to be the best he can within his world of ability. When he has had enough then I will accept where he is. I never want to push him into that dark world of emotional instability because we(the world) asks more than he can handle.
  16. tammyjh

    tammyjh New Member

    I'm so sorry that they weren't making sure his basic hygeine rules were followed:sad-very: I'm hoping that things will be at least a little better for him in the new place and that progress will be made.
  17. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{{Sue}}} Your post brought tears to my eyes. I'm so very sorry and will keep you in my thoughts today - gentle hugs.
  18. judi

    judi Active Member

    Sue - I think Fran hit the nail on the head. I am so very sorry this placement didn't work out. However, who knows with a little more maturity it might work out next time. Take care.
  19. Jena

    Jena New Member


    i'm so sorry to hear that. i cant' imagine what a hard decision that was to make or the upsetment you must feel.

    your correct extremely hard decision. you made the right one though.

    my thoughts are with you during this trying time.

  20. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry that you guys are having to take a step backwards. I hope that it will get him back on track. He's so very close to being at an age where this help won't be available to him. You must be weary.