Disorderly Conduct & Vandalism Tickets in mail today

[Sue C]

You will probably recall the fight Melissa had with her ex boyfriend at college in mid-December. She threw her cell phone at her ex but missed and broke the window in his dorm room. He shoved her and she slammed into the wall and fell and had to go to the hospital because she hurt her ribs. Anyway, her ex had gotten his disorderly conduct ticket the very next day. Melissa did not. We were all thinking that perhaps she was not going to get one because she had been injured. (It was a young campus policeman and we thought maybe he was feeling sorry for her.) We knew the school would be charging for the window, but that is all we thought.

Well, today's mail brought Melissa two tickets: Disorderly Conduct and Vandalism--close to $600 total. She still owes $180 for the Disorderly Conduct ticket (fight with ex in dorm) in October. She has no job and has no money. Her credit card is maxed.

She was obstinate and said she is not paying the tickets and will just go to jail and then she won't have to pay the fines. She thinks the jail time wipes out having to pay the fines. I have no idea, but I would think you'd still owe the tickets. Does anyone know??? In fact, she said she was going to call them up tomorrow and tell them to put her in jail today because she's not going to have the money when the tickets are due. (will this girl's thinking ever be rational??????)

husband and I tried talking sense into her that if she goes to jail she is going to mess up her future when applying for jobs. Supposing she does get her degree one day, who is going to hire a Social Worker who has been in jail??? Heck, even without going to jail, a background check is going to show these tickets, so she is already messing up her chances of getting a job in her chosen career field, isn't she???

As far as a job goes, she applied for a front desk job at a fitness place and really wanted the job and counted on getting it. Well, she found out a few days ago that she did not get it. Then she actually had the nerve to tell ME to find her a job!!! :rofl:

husband and I have been telling her over and over she needs a job. Finally, today she mentioned some places she is going to apply for online. We were hopeful. I was really tired and took a nap this afternoon. I got up and asked if she had filled out the applications. She said no, she'd do them later. She was going over to ex's house for a little while!! :hammer:

Oh yeah, she did have a good (LOL) idea for making some money. She was looking into donating her blood plasma. She found out you have to wait 12 months from the date you get a tattoo. That leaves her out. (The addresses of the places that pay for plasma are in very bad areas of Milwaukee. Why would that be?? I'm glad she does not qualify.)

frustrated as all heck,
Sue

 

[Suz]

Sue, I would stop the lectures NOW. Melissa is 21. This might actually finally be her day of reckoning. Don't bail her out. She isn't listening and she's still being a butthead. Let her find out the answers to your questions, if she even cares. Melissa needs to learn that her attitude is only going to create problems for her both short term and longterm.

Go about your lives. Continue to job hunt for YOU and let her figure this out. She thinks she knows it all. Let her prove it.

Suz

 

[Fran]

Maybe a little jail time is just what she needs. If she thinks jail is easier than paying off fines then she is really having distorted thinking.

Even my difficult child who doesn't have the best sense of reality knows jail is no place for someone like him. It's dangerous.

Melissa is explosive but she ain't seen nothing yet until she sees real explosive anger in jail.

I don't think I ever heard anything so stupid as a 21 yr old college student saying she will go to jail instead of paying off a fine. :hammer: It may turn her around. It's unfortunate she didn't try this when she would go to juvie.

All you and husband can do is sit back and let her handle it.

 

[KFld]

I agree with the others. You can't do this for her. She needs to figure out how to come up with the money to pay the fines, or pay the consequences. She is 21 and now she needs to start acting like it.

 

[Irishkalleene]

You know, maybe they have to work their way thru their problems by verbalizing the dumbest stuff they can think of first. Huff and puff, try and show they are so tough thru some nonsensical bravado. Maybe this is their way of blowing off steam?? I think B does this. He says the dumbest stuff. Swears he isn't going to cooperate in any way, fashion or form. Waits and waits before he does anything. See a pattern here?? I do.

I still love the comment the counselor made as he finished 15 mo of behavioral based alternate schooling............... 'I've counseled a lot of kids, but I can't believe how B has to learn everything the haaaard way!'

I often think we have to lower all expectations, then sit back and watch as they try to invent new ways of getting thru life! Pretend they are a science experiment?

Hope you feel peace today.