Do you apologize for your difficult child's behavior?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Autismkids, Jan 19, 2010.

  1. Autismkids

    Autismkids Member

    If you do, how do you do it?

    Yesterday was nice out so we went to the park. There were only 3 other kids there. One was obviously autistic and a sibling, and the other was a little girl my daughter played with.

    20 minutes into playing, ds has a fit. daughter did something wrong in the game they were playing. He started to go after her, so she ran. The little girl she was playing with decided to stick up for her...BAD IDEA! I tried to nicely ask the little girl to let myself and daughter deal with this, but she insisted on sticking up for her new friend. I tried apologizing to the girl's father for ds's language but I just got the eye roll, and "kid needs to be spanked" response. DS was cursing, running after both girls, etc.

    Since my daughter gets the poop end of having a sibling, we stayed so she could enjoy herself. I managed to grab ds and tossed him on the handicap swing (high back and straps) so he could calm down. The first minute or so on the swing he was still nuts. Cursing, screaming, etc. I also apologized to the father with the other 2 kids (because he was pushing his kids on the swings), and he just pointed to his son and said it's "normal" for our kids! Typical parents never "see" my son's autism and it makes meltdown a lot harder to deal with, but other parents with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids could pick mine out easiely.

    How do I deal with the "typical" parents, and why the heck wouldn't the other father tell his daughter to back off?!?
  2. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    So sorry that happened to you on your nice visit to the park.

    My difficult child is now 20 and at time I still feel like apologizing or interpreting for her. Hahaha.

    Seriously? Yes, I've apologized to other parents for her behavior at times, usually at birthday parties where kids tend to get a little nuts anyway. And I've encountered some parents who just take things as they see them and instantly judge. Thankfully, I was too busy to give a rat's..ahem...well, you get the idea.

    Try and let the other parents' reactions roll off your back. Fortunately for you, there was another parent who DID understand and said as much to make you feel more comfortable. Makes me want to hug him.

    Why didn't the other parent help get his daughter to back off? Because he/she probably felt that it was wonderful for his/her daughter to be 'helping' her new friend. Who knows...I think I would have turned to them for assistance by asking them to please get their daughter out of the situation, politely of course.

    Putting my daughter in a swing or bath/shower always snapped her out of meltdown mode - I'm glad you were able to stay at the park with your daughter.
  3. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I try to remember back in the day when I was young and naive and stupid and thought all children's behavior problems were a direct result of poor parenting.

    I have been educated. These other "typical" parents have not.

    One thing I have done with some success is printed short business cards to hand out in places where there may be an issue. I've only used them in places like the airport or the train station, and they have been extremely helpful for us. I see no reason why they wouldn't work at the park.

    I print them at home and they just have a very short blurb about the "happy" wee difficult child, and then a short blurb about what he has and how it manifests and "if this happens, please step back and allow mom to handle it" and then some cheesey line thanking them for helping my kiddo with special needs to experience this very normal activity.
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My boys attended as many normal functions as I could get them in. Such things as all sorts of sports from a young age and they went to 4H overnight camp every summer that my dad would help me pay. We started the camp when Cory was six with a Clover Bud camp that was only for 3 days and 2 He loved it!

    Sports were supposed to start at 7 but we had one coach who allowed Cory to start basketball with Jamie when Cory was six but everything else had to wait for 7.

    Sure, we had to explain the boys. I was always at the games and practices. The coaches knew us well. We even coached Cory's flag football team one year. My boys were very hyper and it was obvious to everyone, but they were also funny, silly and cute. The coaches figured out ways to keep them in line. If Cory was bored he got in trouble so his coaches tended to make him mini-managers. He did a whole lot of fetching. My boys tended to have the same coaches over the years because everyone knew who worked well with them. I guess being in a small town has its blessings that way.
  5. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I never apologized ~ I handed out a card with a bit of diagnosis info (while still protecting the tweedles privacy) & pointed them to the NAMI website if they wanted more info.

    I could always tell the parent of a difficult child ~ they would step up to offer & state they understood as they had a difficult child of their own. I loved those people.
  6. firstangel

    firstangel New Member

    I do apologize for D.'s behaviour, even though I really hate to do it. When we go to the park he usually gets into verbal fights with other kids, and I have to step in. It really gets on my nerves when I apologize to the parents and they say "Don't worry all kids are the same" (which they AREN'T by the way) and then, as soon as I turn my back, they give each other the eye as if I wouldn't notice.
    One thing D. can't stand is when people he doesn't know talk to him, even if he's in a good mood: someone asks him something (how are you, what's your name etc..) and he has a fit. And we get a lot of that here in Italy, people like to engage kids they don't know in conversations, god know why...
    The cards sounds like a good idea, might give it a try!