Don't know if I should be appalled or impressed...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by DS3, Jan 25, 2012.

  1. DS3

    DS3 New Member

    Backstory a little....

    ACS (Army Community Services) has this FAP (Family Advocacy Program). And I have it set up so that they come out and visit with me twice a month. It's like free counseling, and they help give me resources for helping my family, children, stress, etc.

    So they called me the beginning of last week and let me know that there was this parenting course that I had to attend because I would take a lot away from it. So I planned on going, but being that my schedule was jammed for that day and I was exhausted by the time that I was suppose to be there (it was an evening class), I ended up cancelling. Felt bad because they really wanted me to attend, I just couldn't do it anymore that day.

    So the ladies came over yesterday... And they brought me the materials that were handed out in the class (a book and two 1/2 hour videos). Which I thought was really nice of them. Then they told me that had a conversation with the person who presented the material just about me. So... Come to find out, they told them that I was one of those parents that does indeed care about my kids, and that I have started getting them the help they need early. (yay!). But that I couldn't attend because I have a tendency to always be busy and over-book my schedule. They also said that they specifically requested that I attend because I really could benefit from what was presented. I told them I would read the book. But yeah... Don't know if I should be proud because they said they don't know any other parent that has gone above and beyond to help their kids like I have (they actually said most parents they know would do nothing. which is sad.), or appalled because they said I could really benefit from the techniques in this book. So. ~sigh~

    Coupled with the fact my therapist believes that I may be close to a mental breakdown, and my psychiatrist wanted to know if I needed to be committed.... Guess I'm just a little over-whelmed. I will try to get through the book before the next visit in two weeks, just don't know when I'll have the time.

    by the way: Book is titled "ScreamFree Parenting; A Revolutionary Approach to Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool" By Hal Edward Runkel, LMFT

  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Well, there's probably some good stuff in the book... But let me tell you something about parenting classes.

    husband and bio had to attend a court-ordered parenting class. I went with husband - I told him, even if we had to pay for me, it would be worth it and also would show the court we were presenting a unified front.

    We had a pretest, to see what we already "knew", and then after 6 weeks, the same test again. The scores showed how much we learned; and the psychiatrist-teacher's impressions were also part of the final "grade".

    For me... As a stepparent with no bio kids of my own... I started at an 93% and ended at a 99%. The psychiatrist-teach was pretty impressed, LOL. And her observations about me and husband? We genuinely cared and were not gaming the system. (husband started at 88% and ended at 98%, so not much difference.)

    But... Most of the stuff we learned?

    Doesn't work on difficult children.

    At all.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Interesting. Let us know what you think when you are done. that is the one time I do come down on myself...when I just say or do something that is more like my son than myself... when I wear out.

    As for the teachers, maybe dont over-think it. They sound like they are trying to be supportive. (easy for me to say really hard for me to do)......
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Well, it certainly sounds like a great program but what it will take is a time commitment. Which is what you're saying you either don't have or aren't willing to give.

    Not sure about all the details of your issues ... but if your psychiatric asked if you needed it be committed, and you took that as a little insurance-paid vacation, who would take care of the kids? Would these ladies take them for a few days?

    What do you do when the kids (or the older one) gets therapy and svcs? Can you read the book then? I'm guessing they're half hour sessions or something short for a kid's attention span.
  5. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Oh wow. Do they not understand that with all the medical appointments alone, there isn't much time for "other" stuff? Are YOU feeling overly stressed? Do YOU think you are at a place where you can't handle one more thing? You "sound" sane and not overly stressed....but then again......I am only reading words. LOL
  6. DS3

    DS3 New Member

    I have taken plenty of parenting courses, some more then once (free daycare when I attend... which is why I go.) And they don't address the issues of a special needs child. Which may be why I was reluctant to go.
  7. DS3

    DS3 New Member

    That's what I hoping...
  8. DS3

    DS3 New Member

    I don't have a lot of 'extra time'. And when I do, I'm usually trying to sleep, update something, filling out forms, or research something. And it would be pushed to my hubby to take care of them, of which that would probably lead him to being kicked out of the army. Which won't happen. I declined the services, and promised to do more things for 'me'.
  9. DS3

    DS3 New Member

    That's exactly it. All of my time is dedicated to my kids. I am feeling a bit stressed. It's not as bad as last week when we had this session. I had a good cry and scream and felt better the following day. I mean, we're looking at an emergency trip to NY because of a death in the family, traveling with two difficult child's on a plane, trying to unpack and get organized, all of the appointments that I had to reschedule because we had to go to NY, trying to plan a trip to MA for my BFF's wedding (I have to go, I'm in the wedding party), taking care of the house, the bills, the everything. Mostly on my own since hubby is at work all day. Depending on the appointment, they last from 1/2 hour up to 3 hours (ABA).

    But I am trying to take better care of myself, and I let hubby know when I need more time for me. It seems to be working out well lately. I'm just tired. I threw my back out last Friday (by sitting up in bed) and haven't been sleeping well because of it. Although my back is feeling better, I still struggle for a good night's rest.
  10. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    I second this...

    Unfortunately, if you don't attend the parenting class - it makes you look you're not willing to work the program.
  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I honestly think that most parenting classes are designed for those parents who haven't even tried to get help. The ones who sit on the couch and say "Johnny don't do that" a dozen times with-o ever getting their patootie up and making Johnny stop. They are for the parents who threaten and threaten and never carry through. Sadly, a LOT of families are stuck at that point. Or they have a kid who says no and the parents just look at each other wondering what to do because the child said no. Those parents shouldn't have puppies, much less kids.

    For difficult children, those classes are useless. I WILL say that Low Affect parenting, which is a term for showing very little emotional response when a child misbehaves, is really really helpful with some difficult children. It takes YOU out of the chaos and conflama (conflict + drama = conflama, if you hadn't heard that - not my term, Maya Angelou used it on a show a long time ago and I LOVE it.) and then the difficult child/easy child/child doesn't escalate nearly as much.

    The more I stayed calm, the better things got. When I got all upset or in hsi face, Wiz would ramp up even more. If I didn't respond, it was like he was trying to climb a ladder and the rungs just were not there to support him.

    I found a LOT more help on that front from Parenting with Love and Logic and also from other L&L books, esp when used with collaborative problem solving and trusting my mommy gut instincts and ignoring/avoiding what went against those instincts. There are a LOT of L&L books, including one for special needs kids. I went to a conference with Dr. Charles Fay, Sr. and spoke with him a bit about special needs kids. These methods WORKED with Wiz, amazingly well actually. Lots of people in real life told me that L&L was great with "normal" kids but kids with Asperger's just couldn't be helped by it. I thought they were just doing it wrong, and still think that. They WORKED with my Aspie. Concerns like that are why they wrote the version for special needs kids, but he was very interested to hear how we used them with Wiz' unique problems/style of thinking.

    You might check L&L out at Love and Logic - Helping Parents and Teachers Raise Responsible Kids . in my opinion it might be a LOT more helpful than the book they gave you - or the "it's all about you" focus of that book. L&L is the first parenting book that seems to be effective with MY difficult child other than The Explosive Child.
  12. DS3

    DS3 New Member

    I have taken sooo many classes that I think it would be hard for me missing one to make it look bad. Something to consider for the future though.
  13. DS3

    DS3 New Member

    I actually have that book on my shelf, just haven't had time to read it yet. I'll see if I can't get to it this weekend since you brought it up. :) Thanks for the advice.