Since we started the tough love, i.e., no visiting our son at his Residential Treatment Center (RTC), no gifts in the mail, etc., he's been calling about once a week, going through the same thing--his easy child didn't say we COULDN'T visit, just that it wasn't a good idea, why do we care more about what his easy child thinks than what our "child" wants (17 1/2 years old...), etc. I've stayed calm and neutral, answering the same way--"Your dad's and my top priority is supporting you in your program, and we fully intend to follow your easy child's advice as to what he and your PO feel is in your best interest which means no visits until you earn them. Really, this isn't about climbing Mt. Everest--all he has to do is watch his mouth, stop goofing in school, participate in group/individual counseling, and do a couple of chores. His latest request, after I turned him down last week about calling his PO to "negotioate" an earlier return home date, is now to call his easy child (whom he sees every day...) to ask him whether or not our son will be coming home for Easter. This is entirely dependent on the above, and we've explained over and over that HE is in control of his behavior which will influence the degree of privileges he is allowed including visits home. I again told him that I would NOT get in the middle of this and that it was up to him to discuss this with his easy child. He said that his easy child won't give him a clear answer. My guess is that his easy child is in no way going to do that as they have evaluations every two weeks, and he won't be CERTAIN whether or not he'll allow our son to visit home until later in the week when they do the evaluations. He got upset and told me that he felt it was wrong for me to not do this "little thing" for him because his visit home would be "to the benefit of the whole family." Now, I'm not buying into the that cr-p, really, but I have started to wonder if I'm detaching myself a bit TOO much. It's not that I don't care--I care VERY much and am DYING to call his easy child and ask. But, I don't want to because then I would be allowing myself to get emotionally "hooked" again in a situation I have no control over. Our son has known for at least a month that he stood the chance of a few-days-to-a week-long visit home over the Easter school break, IF he made his status. My feeling is that, if he really WANTED to earn that visit, he would have done it by now. If he hasn't done what he needs to do, then he won't be coming home--simple as that. Not my issue, not my problem. In fact, he has had the opportunity to visit home every other weekend for the entire five months he's been in the program and has only mangaged to earn his status to do so once. So, what do you all think???? Am I being too cold?