easy child: "I'll probably be poor when I grow up. I'm a bad worker."

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by MidwestMom, May 8, 2009.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My poor easy child. She is Learning Disability (LD) and struggles and doesn't think she'll ever be able to make anything out of herself. Her attitude concerns me.

    She is never "down" long, and was quick to say she'd be a WNBA star, however I know she isn't really going to become a professional athlete.
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    It is hard when we realize that our financial dreams will not be met. Then we have to focus on more realistic goals.

    You state that your daughter is never "down" for long. Hopefully she can realize that she has a happy life which many "rich" people will never have.

    It does not matter the job or income as long as you enjoy what you have and are doing. Tell her the most important thing is to find a job she likes to do and to do it well.

    The best thing I have of my diva's when she was very young is a statment she had to complete in school, "When I grow up......". Her answer was, "I am going to be happy!" I just love that!
  3. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Awww. Poor easy child.

    I'm glad that she's able to bounce back from down moments quickly.

    Perhaps when she's a bit older, or maybe even now if you think she's ready, you can get her a copy of What Color Is Your Parachute by Richard Bolles.

    It might help her to realize that there are lots of jobs and careers out there, beyond what we traditionally think of as a job. Finding meaningful work that you love and you're good at is one of the greatest joys of life. I hope your easy child finds something that clicks for her.

    Give her a hug from Auntie Trinity.
  4. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I have an article on my wall written by Jonathon Clements called "Money and Happiness: Here's Why You Won't Laugh All the Way to the Bank".

    In a nutshell, it says that once you make enough to be safe and warm and fed, the happiness quotient goes down dramatically as the income goes up. I read it often and I've found it to be very true.

    And it really does not take a huge salary to cover "safe and warm and fed".
  5. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

  6. aeroeng

    aeroeng Mom of Three

    You can tell her:

    When I was in third grade, I could not read or write anything. Not even words like "it", "cat" or "the". My third grade teacher felt I was probably retarded and would be lucky if I ever made it to a third grade level of knowledge. My mother believed I was not retarded and felt I was intelligent. It turned out my learning disabilities were dyslexia and ADHD.

    I now have a BS in aerospace engineering and a MS in technology management and make a better then average salary. I struggled with school all through high school and college. I was academically dismissed once and barley got the BS by the skin of my teeth. I have more stories of struggles and failures then you can shake a stick at, but I hung in, I re-applied. I learned what I needed to do to keep going and I made it. If I can make it she can to.

    The good news is that it is only the educational system that generates impossible situation regarding the learning disabilities. In the rest of the world people build on their strengths and let others take care of your weak spots. Example: Eng A is very good at understanding something. He explains it to me, I write the technical report. Then database manager is good at proof reading and fixing my spelling, so I don't have to fix spelling when I am not good at it. In the real world we work as a team. Each individual works on what they are best at.

    She sounds pretty smart and capable. I am confident she will find her area of expertise and there is no reason she can't make a high salary. (I bet it will be larger then mine, even after adjusted for inflation!)
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thanks, all.

    Well, my daughter isn't slow, she's Learning Disability (LD). But she does struggle in school. I don't want her to think that means she can't make a good living though. At the very least, she is awesome with hair and could become a cosmetologist. I just don't like her being so down on herself as far as her ability to do school work. There are kids who do worse than she does. She struggles to get C's, but she gets them; she has an auditory processing problem and a real issue with attention and forgetfulness, probably due to that. She has been neuropsychologist tested a few times. Her IQ usually comes out around 90. That's average, on the low side, but I'm not a big fan of IQ tests. She does not come across as slow in any way and her peers really love her.

    I just wonder how I can make her feel better about her potential. She's nothing like my son, who is really bright but I feel will struggle on his own--his social skill and life skill deficits make me pretty sure that he'll need some help with his independence. My daughter is really sharp in all life skill/social skill areas. I know she can make it on her own. I just feel bad that SHE feels so "dumb." (Her word, not mine). The Learning Disability (LD) teacher works closely with her and says she tries hard.
  8. aeroeng

    aeroeng Mom of Three

    I struggled for Cs and Ds, but made it anyway. Things that helped me the most were success out side of the classroom. In high school I worked at Arby's and did a good job and was recognized for it. The job helped me understand I had skills and could succeed. Now 12 is too young for employment, but try to find something she can be good at and develop pride in. She can volunteer. She can help the neighbors. She can make something. Look for and support what ever talents he does have. Success out side of the class room is important.

    She probably will not believe anything you say. You are her mother and will always love what she does. So you need to prove it. "Look how well you did .... compared to everyone else!". "See how much ... you completed in such a short time." The better the physical evidence is the stronger your arguments will become. It is also good if it comes from someone besides you.

    Try to find examples of individuals with learning disabilities that did well. and show them to her. One frustrating thing for me is that most people with LDs hide them, like it is an embarrassing disease. Yet hiding keeps you from being able to inspire the next. At least 5% of the people experienced troubles with Learning Disability (LD). So there are lots of people who experienced the same struggles. The more you can show her the better.

    Support school: I put all my ideas for how to manage school issues on the following website: http://www.angelfire.com/md3/marf_glass/msiteOutline.html. The lower grades also do not mean she can't go to college. I started with the community colleges because I could not get in to a university. In Maryland, the universities must give priority to community college students. It helped getting in that way. Also make sure to work with the schools center for learning disabled students. All public colleges are required to have one.
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thank you!!!!

    Oh, I EXPECT her to go to college, at least for a two year certificate. She can get Learning Disability (LD) help there.

    She is already successful in many areas outside of academics (in fact, MOST things). She's a great athlete, very socially astute (extremely popular and pretty), a decent artist and a loving person.

    Whoever said she won't believe she's special if *I* tell her because I'm Mom is right...lol. I guess I'll just have to keep pointing out what she does well and remind her that it's not all about her grades. She is talented already with hair...she could do that, for example. I really hate for her to worry now. She is only in seventh grade!!!