Eeyore is not adjusting well to high school

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JJJ, Jun 15, 2011.

  1. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    The good points are that he is going to school without a problem, behaving well in class and participating when at school.

    The bad part is that he is acting like a 2-year old at home with regard to studying. I'm so tempted to say fine -- take the gimme C that he'll get cause he's Special Education but that will not teach him how to study, how to succeed or how to live in the real world. God give me strength!!!
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Pick the battles worth fighting. I would only worry about skills that are essential to living in the real world. Not all skills and subjects taught at school are imperative for some of our difficult children to function in the real world. There are some things I have learned just have to slide because they are not on my priority list.

    {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} to you.
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    It's great that he is maintaining at the high school. Maybe that is all he can handle right now. I know from experience that is more difficult to do in secondary school but have you considered just not having a homework issue at home? Of course the reaction from the school may not be very positive but, in my humble opinion, his overall sense of wellbeing has to be foremost. In middle school and in high school difficult child had one period a day where homework help was available. DDD
  4. confuzzled

    confuzzled Member

    does he actually know what is meant by "study"? was he ever taught exactly what that means? in my opinion, its a lost art--kids (all kids) dont really "study" anymore, and it isnt exactly formally taught. maybe he needs to have a plan laid out for, every night you re-read 10 pages of history, write 1 paragraph for the essay due next week, review any answers you got wrong in math today, and so on.

    and depending on his strengths, maybe he doesnt actually need to---some kids dont.

    otherwise, he's kinda sounding like most 15 year boys i know.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I think this is a good case of pick your battles. I would not go to far into this other than to establish a set time everyday to be spent on homework. I would use an hour and if he does not have homework then he would have assignments that I set up for him. It is pretty easy to find free resources online or you could get some used textbooks fairly cheaply and give him work out of those. If he is interested in any topic I would try to sets lessons up around that (write word problems using whatever he is interested in, have him do research on it, write a story or paper about it, whatever).

    I would also try to find a tutor to work with him on study skills. No one teaches kids how to study, how to learn anymore. They get info spoonfed to them for tests so that they will do well on the standardized tests, but actually knowing how to study is entirely different. You could probably find someone at a local university or even community college to hel pwtih this. I only know it is possible because i took a 3 credit class on study skills my third year in college. I was struggling massively at that point in spite of top test scores and academic scholarships. I knew a lot of info but I didn't know how to learn. The class was set up for jocks to get an easy A if they showed up and wrote their names on their papers but it did more for my education than any class or teacher before or since. in my opinion it should be mandatory for all kids to get out of jr high and again to get out of high school and college. Once I knew how to learn I could learn anything.

    I would approach the education dept of the university to find someone to teach study skills. Esp if you can find a guy that he would look up to. Or a girl he would find cute and want to impress.

    You also might ask at school to see if any teachers allow students to stay after school for homework help on a weekly basis. This might also help Eeyore as he would see other kids do homework too.
  6. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I am trying to teach him how to study. This was all explained to him and agreed upon by him because he wants to go to college or a tech school after high school and without good study habits, it won't happen. Now that he has to actually do the work, he is refusing because we are crashing into some of his very rigid Aspie thinking about how the world should be v how it really is.

    He flunked several assignments already that were done in class and he flunked the first quiz.
  7. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Both kt & wm have significant problems in the high school setting. It exhausted kt to "maintain" a semblance of normalcy while trying to learn. Homework was not happening with-o calls to crisis team & such.

    JJJ, pick your battles. Set up a quiet time & place for Eeyore to study (snack & drink included). It will happen or it won't.

    In the tweedles IEPs homework not finished at home was finished at school during one of their "fun" classes or free time. A natural consequence while giving kt & wm the opportunity to complete work. Just a thought for you
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    For some of these young adults... it takes everything they have to somewhat hold it together all day, every day, and there isn't much left at the end of the day. So, you get passive resistance. (been there done that - again today...)

    One option is to cut the work load... as in, take an extra year to graduate. Take 1 course less per semester, and use the "spare" as a homework period... at school, supervised (we call it "resource room" here). With 2 "heavies" (core academics) and 2 "lights" (options or "easy" core depending on the person), one study period usually is enough to keep up. But it pays to balance the heavies... don't do History and Calculus in the same term... unless the student is either a total history buff or a math whiz!

    This is also an option at most universities and many colleges... its allowed for "normal" kids too - some of them take 80% load so they can work a few extra hours and not go off the rails either academically or financially.
  9. ML

    ML Guest

    This is my fear. Manster can't seem to study either.. I like Susies's idea of the 1 hour of studying right after school and if there is no homework he can read one of his assignment books for that hour. To manster there is no homework until the assignment is due the next day. It keeps getting harder with increased epectations. Hugs.
  10. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Right now he just has 1 class (summer school). I have chosen to fight this battle because I think it is vital to his future. Several situations have come up in the last few months when an earlier decision to allow natural consequences to occur has come back and hurt. Those were just sports (where Eeyore chose to quit cause he didn't want to go to practice or do the drills and then this year when he wanted to go back and play with his friends, he was horrible compared to them because they continued to practice 4-5 days a week for the last 5 years. Eeyore didn't get that it was a natural outcome to his lack of effort, he felt that he was lied to when people told him he was good 5 years ago rather than seeing the lack of development from that point).

    To allow him to fail at this, when it is so key to his goals, will definitely cause a much bigger battle when he can't go to college cause he gets a brutal ACT score or can't even pass our community college entrence exam. Plus, then what....he isn't disabled enough for SSI but if he doesn't develop the skills to hold a job.....
  11. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member

    we have had some good results getting a tutor to study with my sons. Could be another HS student, recent grad, college student. Helps if it is someone the difficult child looks up to. Worked also because of set time and place. Might not work so well with an Aspie though.
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Arrgh. I know the feeling.
    But mostly, I did a double-take on the subject heading because I can't believe Eeyore is in HS and I've been on this board so long! I keep thinking of him as a wee little thing.
    I mean, I read the notes all week long, but sometimes things just hit me.
  13. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Offering hugs of support JJJ!
  14. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Eeyore was the one that brought me to this board when he was 5. I can't believe he is in high school either!
  15. ML

    ML Guest

    I think you're wise to fight this battle. Maybe a tutor or just someone else (besides you) to work with him at a set time every day might help when he goes back in the fall. I'm thinking about that for manster as well
  16. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Our high school has a tutor system in place but only during the regular school year. husband drives him to school and something he said this morning must have sunk in -- Eeyore actually tried to study tonight. A little bit of rolling around on the floor in agony but he kept at it until we got through the whole study guide :) Hopefully, each day will be a little better. I am going to meet with the teacher on Monday to see how we can work together to help him get this. A key thing is making sure that his packet for each chapter is done correctly -- he just scribbles anything when they do it in class cause he doesn't want to be the last one working so I'm hoping she'll give me the packets in advance and he can lightly pencil in the answers and then just copy them with his pen during class.