End of term

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by witzend, Jun 10, 2010.

  1. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    So M calls his dad to panic that M has been ignoring his school assignments and thinks he is flunking two classes. "Woe is me." Plus, he hasn't been going to the on campus therapist because he can't afford the co-pay (we told him we would pay it), and he's never been to see the MD for medications. He was worried that he would lose his student aid, which is what he is living off of right now.

    husband talked him down, and got him to contact the school financial aid office, and his prof's. He can make up the assignments in the one class, and so long as he maintains a certain GPA, which he will if he can get back on track with one of the classes. He is able to make up the assignments in one, so he should be ok if he does what he needs to do.

    This is the same thing he did last semester. It's the way he was throughout his entire school career from day one. :mad: husband says that he told M that he is on his own as far as how his life goes from here. We're not paying tuition, or for him to live. He can either get his life together and continue on financial aid with the little extra from the work/study program; work a crummy job and try to put himself through school so that he can eventually live a better lifestyle; or he can hope for at best working a crummy job the rest of his life and never having anything good of his own.

    I told husband to remind M that we would pay for therapy and medications, but that at this point we need to see that his assignments are being turned in on time. Why is it that every time he gets the smallest amount of confidence he lets everything go? He's got a decent place to live for the summer and can save up some money, he got decent grades last semester in spite of his laziness because he pulled it out in a panic at the last moment. Why think that you can just do nothing and everything will be fine? Why sabotage yourself? I think he's afraid that if he really tries he'll find out that he isn't everything that he's been telling himself that he is all of these years. So what? Try harder and get better at what it is that you want to be good at!

    I hate this... I don't want to be checking in on him. He's nearly 24 years old! I want him to succeed, and I know that he won't until he gets some help. This is as far as I go, though.
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Witz - HUGS. I can't really tell you anything you don't already know!!!!
  3. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Witz, I was looking at your signature- are those current dxes for M? I'm thinking that he probably has a healthy case of anxiety in the mix, too. Anxiety can prompt heroic acts or it can thwart making any effort at all because of the fears and then the panic when your worst fears have been realized. So what appears to be self-sabotage can really be anxiety/fear.

    Hugs. If nothing else, I wish he'd take you up on your generous offer to help with therapy and medications. I guess he will have to be so sick of his life that it will prompt him to do something about it. sigh.

  4. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Thanks, dear friends. Suz, the diagnosis is old old old. But he hasn't been to a therapist and gotten a new one, so far as I know. Or whatever it is, I don't know what it is. I suspect Borderline (BPD) with underlying Anxiety issues. It's the grandiosity that I'm not sure of. Is that a symptom with Borderline (BPD)?
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry that he is pulling y'all into this drama. Putting the responsibility back on his shoulders is the right thing to do. Paying for his medications and therapy is very generous. I am sorry he is not taking advantage of it.