Ex-Girlfriend sends me a text??


Active Member
(My son will be 90 days sober in 7 days)

So, tonight my phone goes off and there is a text from my sons ex girlfriend.... It has been 5 months since they were together. The last text I got from her was her telling me to tell him she wants no parts of him and wants to move on with her life. She moved to her home state. My son had just got out of rehab and apparently felt she was going to be there for him ... He said she made it sound like they were going to get back together. He went and got a tatoo that was a symbol of them... She told him that he should not have and that she was done with him and moving back to her home state.... He then threatened to run his car into a tree and that is when she text me...
SO fast forward 5 months.. my son move to the same state she is in but not in the same town. He has met a new girl and is sober almost 90 days which will be the longest he has been sober.
Out of the blue the exgirlfriend sends me a text tonight- 5 months of silence..... I am freaking out. I did not open it. All I can see is it says Hello! my name and who she is and that she wanted to say "hello and was hoping we were doing well..." I can't read past that.
I seriously am freaking out. Every time he makes it sober for so long, then something happens to through him back down! I fear this is going to turn into that something.
I don't want to open it because then she will know I read it. I don't understand why she would still have my number after 5 months.
Any suggestions? My son lives in the same state as her. He seems so happy right now and at peace. He tells me his sobriety is the most important thing to him right now.
Just wanted some advice.


Active Member
It’s okay if you open the text and she knows you read it. It still doesn’t mean you have to respond.
I guess I fear what she is going to say or ask... I fear she is telling me that she is owed money and can't reach him or something along those lines. Makes no sense why 5 months went by and now she texts me. She is in a relationship.


Well-Known Member
I have an addict too and life happens. For all of us. Surprising connections we don't like can happen. Losing jobs, bad weather, COVID, breakups, all sorts of unexpecteds happen to all of us.

Our disturbed adult children do not go with the.flow as well as others do. Yet this is part of life and we can't shield them from these stressors. And yes these unwanted stresses can cause them to act badly but they can't be stopped. It is up to them, not us, to seek extra therapy during hard times if they want to truly stay sober I wish we had magical powers to eliminate their stressors while they get on track but life just doesn't do that.for anybody.

What we can do is not take their stressors.on.ourselves and stay in the now. When our mind tells us horrible stories about what MAY happen, we hurt ourselves and don't help our loved ones if we take it as gospel. Don't let that mean girl on your head tell you horror stories. I'm sure she is usually wrong. I am working hard.on doing all I can to ignore my ego. That's the.mean girl. Our egos. Also whatever she wants or needs from him is her problem, not yours. I am getting good at ignoring stuff. No reason to read it. For what? To upset yourself!

You have no reason.to.read ex's text and I wouldn't tell your son about it. She will contact him if she is determined to but she might not. Let them figure this out. You are.not a part of their relationship. They are adults. And she may have just liked you and wanted to check in. No guarantee that this is about your son. Don't predict the future.

I hope this helped. Sending love and prayers. Stay in peace.
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New Member
I guess I fear what she is going to say or ask... I fear she is telling me that she is owed money and can't reach him or something along those lines. Makes no sense why 5 months went by and now she texts me. She is in a relationship.

Oh, now I get it. I've received several texts from our son’s roommates about his apartment. I just tell them son will have to deal with that himself.

I have a hard time not reading things because I am nosy, lol. But if it stresses you out, you can just delete it. You’re not responsible for his affairs.


Sending good vibes...

It is hard not to read a text message isn't it? I agree with the others. I would read it but not involve yourself if she needs to connect with your son. I agree with the others also in that I lived with an alcoholic for 30 years and there's nothing you will do that will keep your son sober. Someone once told me that they will drink over an untied shoe lace and that is the truth! But I wouldn't reply or offer information. Quite frankly, unknowingly the ex-girlfriend could have and most likely was an enabler such as myself. They are grown adults and you don't have to be the go-between.

By the way. My ex husband who I was married to for 30 years and drank all those 30 years, is sober over a year now. He does have psychological "damage" from the years and years of drinking but works out and takes care of himself now. It is possible that they maintain sobriety but sometimes certain people need to get off the merry-go-round to allow them to do so.

I will pray that your son remains on the right path!


Active Member
Thank you all for your thoughts. I have not read the text yet. lol
My son is 98 days sober today and it is truly a blessing.
He did call us yesterday and seemed off but at the end of the conversation was more talkative. I asked him about his job and his interview. He has had the same job for 3 years and his boss has been a God sent through all of this. I don't like that he is looking to move to a new position within the company due to how his boss stood by him and always had his back.
I do understand he really should be paid more for what he handles. He works on retirement accounts for large corporations. He researches any problems and finds resolutions. He has huge accounts and gets paid no more than a manager of a mini mart.
I feel though that since his boss worked with him through all of the times he missed he owes it to him to stick around a bit longer and until he has more sobriety under his belt.
There are only 3 others on his team and he and one other carry the team and outshine the others. He really does deserve more money. If they hire someone off the street, they would pay them more. If they hire someone just coming in at the lowest level they are getting almost the same pay as him being there 4 years now. (1 year customer service and 3 years in his current position)
I told him I feel God will open another door when the time is right.