Ex has no idea what the definition of enabling is

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by KFld, Mar 6, 2011.

  1. KFld

    KFld New Member

    We ended up having AAA tow my sons car to the nearest auto mechanic on Friday because he still couldn't get it started and my boyfriend and I have been driving him back and forth to work, 2nd shift, 1/2 hour away from where he lives. He's on the suboxone, working 6 days a week, paying for this hotel and seems to be making the right decisions right now.

    They got it started right away, but difficult child mentioned something about the front end shaking so bad he can't go over 40 on the highway, so they checked that out and his car is very dangerous to drive and needs about $950 worth of work to make it safe. boyfriend and I agreed to split the cost to get it fixed because difficult child has to get to work to continue to stay on the right track, which he seems to want to do.

    My ex was away for the week and when he came back I told him what is going on with the car and asked if he would be willing to contribute anything to the car repair. His reply, no, I'm not going to enable him!! Isn't enabling when you help somebody to make the wrong choices????? I asked him if he would at least be willing to pick him up at midnight on Monday and Tuesday because his car will be done on Wednesday because my boyfriend has been doing it all last week and he said, yeah I guess I can do that. How big of him!!

    God am I glad I'm not married to him anymore!!
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Enabling means different things to different people.

    For some it means offering help of any kind for any reason.

    For me it means I can help as long as that person is working hard to help themselves. Sounds like so far that is what difficult child is doing.

    But this is why I've totally backed off katie. The most she's doing is whining and daydreaming about someone somewhere lavishing them with money, a home, a car, ect. ugh Any help I give her just gives her yet another reason not to try to fix her situation. If by miracle of miracles she actually landed a job and had no other way to get there........I'd consider giving her a ride, provided she pay the gas. Gas part is only because at the moment I can't afford the extra gas cost.

    Huge difference between someone who is working hard to change their lives and those who aren't.
  3. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    When you're helping them complete follow-through on the correct choices it's called assisting not enabling and I agree your ex is only being the first few letters of the first.
    Lasted edited by : Mar 6, 2011
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I agree with Lisa's definition. Helping someone who is working toward a better life is not enabling.
  5. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    I think of enabling as making excuses for, and helping them not take responsibility for their actions. I think of it as doing things so they can avoid facing up to their problems and can continue doing what they are doing. I think helping them really help themselves is not enabling them.
  6. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Thanks!! He's just such an idiot I can't even believe I was ever married to him.
  7. KFld

    KFld New Member

    So difficult child's car still isn't fixed! They had it running the other day, fixed the front end and now it won't start again, so I had to bring him to work again today. He called his father to ask him if he could pick him up again tonight at midnight and he said no, I need a good night sleep! Mind you he is a landscaper and because it isn't snowing and the grass isn't growing, he has no work, so he has all the time in the world to sleep.
    My father stopped by his house today and he told my father he is done bailing out his son and that his son is Carl's (my boyfriend) problem now!!

    Again, what an idiot!!