TM, you're fine, really. To be honest, I think I've hit the wall. I am angry all the time; even when I'm faking it around others, it's still there. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to go anywhere but I don't want to be here either. The last few days, I've pretty much lost all of my enthusiasm for Christmas and I love Christmas. Right now....I truly don't give a flying fig. I'm going to TN and GA with my dad, step-mom, sibs and the niece as well as step-mom's brother (one of my favorite people) and his girlfriend. I don't friggin care. husband always complains about how much time I spend on the computer but has really had an issue with it lately. I told him just a bit ago basically what I said here, then pointed to the computer and said, "This...this is mindless. I don't have to do anything, I don't have to decide anything, I don't have to deal with anything. I don't have to think at all. It's totally mindless." I'm not at the end of my rope.....the rope is long gone. I'm done. We have a meeting tomorrow re difficult child and his snowball's chance in hades of graduating. Again. I don't care. I'll go because I'm supposed to but I don't care. I'm really and truly done. I'm supposed to take something out to my mom's for my aunt. I don't want to. It too is basically a mindless task in itself but I have to plan a time for husband to help pick the thing up at my aunt's, take it to mom's, pretend to have a nice conversation, blah blah blah. I. Don't. Want. To. I'm on the verge of tears right now and have been for a couple of days. I never cry. I'm finding myself very short tempered with the cat and the dogs and they aren't doing anything wrong or different than any other day. I get to see my niece Tuesday and again during the trip from Saturday to Tuesday. I'm looking forward to it but not nearly as much as I normally would. We'll be at step-mom's parents house in GA for a few days. I've not yet been there but have seen pictures. It's a beautiful house, it's in the mountains and sm's parents are wonderful people. They are going to drive me batty. The sibs....going to drive me batty. Sm's brother's girlfriend who I get along famously with....all of them....they are going to drive me absolutely insane but if I don't get out of this house for a few days, I honestly don't know what will happen. I feel like I'm going crazy. And I know you guys and what may be going through your heads. No....I'm not at all suicidal, just.....I don't know.....apathetic?