Exhausted and out of options

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by stormcandi, Sep 4, 2008.

  1. stormcandi

    stormcandi New Member

    My difficult child is 8 but is of a 4 or 5 year old mentality which is why I am posting here.
    I don't even know where to start. I am exhausted and feel like I am out of options. The therapist cannot even help with the problems my difficult child is having.

    He was diagnosed with ADHD a little over 2 years ago. Things are up and down, some weeks better than others. However for the last 4 or 5 months all chaos has broken out.

    He is never happy about anything he does/has. Take him to McDonald's and it's the wrong one. Make him a dessert and he doesn't like it. Plan dinner based on what he has said he wants and he refuses to eat.

    His modd swings back and forth all day long. From crying to happy to absolutely furious. When he gets angry he hits and calls names. Consistently kicks the dogs and screams at them. He doesn't care about anything (and will tell you so). He is mean and nasty to adults and doesn't care who he hurts in the process. Will not do schoolwork and if let out of the classroom without an adult escort he will go off and do whatever he wants around campus. Has left campus on several occasions, by lying to the "gatekeepers". Lies about everything no matter how small. Has been labeled the "bad kid" by family, friends, and school.

    I have tried grounding, restrictions, behavior charts, rewards, punishments, etc. You name it and I have done it. I just don't know what else to do to reach him. The therapist has run out of options for me and has pretty much thrown his hands in the air. The teachers dread him coming to school and I dread him coming home.

    He takes 40 mg of Adderall XR (tried Vyvance, Ritalin, Strattera with no change) and 250 mg of Depakote.

    Can anyone offer any suggestions of what I can do to reach him? I know he really wants to do good and he cries because he knows he has been labeled a bad kid, but I cannot figure out how to help him gain control of himself.
  2. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Hi Stormcandi and welcome to our forum. You're with friends here.

    We're only parents here but from your description it sounds like there's more than ADHD going on here. What type of specialists have seen him? Typically therapists wouldn't be giving out medical diagnoses, although it's certainly possible they might recognize symptoms. Our first suggestion is usually to encourage the parent to make sure the diagnosis is correct through research, and if needed, additional assessments. We suggest developmental pediatricians or pediatric neuropsychologists as a primary diagnostician in young children like this.

    What's the family mental health history like? Also, if this isn't your own biological child, did he spend his early years in an unstable environment?

    Beyond the behaviors your're describing, was there anything unusual developmentally? Delayed (or very advanced) speech, difficult infant,

    Second, if he's on medications but they aren't helping significantly, it's time to talk to the doctor about changes. There's a lot of choices.

    Third, strongly suggest picking up a copy of the book The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. Many parents have found it helpful for reducing conflict and chaos. There's a thread about it at the top of this board.

    Hang in there.