Fabricated drug abuse

[dlgallant]

Hi, I'm new here. I've received little valuable help from the mental health profession and now my daughter has turned 18 and I am powerless to get her any help. There is no doubt that my daughter has used drugs, but the bigger concern is her make believe world she's created. She tells people that she's a big time drug dealer, hooked on cocaine, meth, pills, and alcohol. In her stories she's been in and out of jail countless times, been fired from jobs for dealing, and even had me sent to jail for hiding her stash. All completely untrue. She's passed numerous random drug tests, and been known to carry fake pills with her to show off for people and often fakes being high. Because she likes to hang around with people who do live in this culture it's only a matter of time before she's no longer faking it. How do you help someone who seems to be addicted to the persona of being an addict?

This all seemed to start when her father (who has significant personality disorders) moved his false allegations he was making against me to our daughter. At 13 he accused her of being a heroine dealer. The police descended on the school, searched her locker, removed her, tested her questioned her. While she was mortified, she was a sudden celebrity and began making her own false accusations against herself for attention. At almost 17 her problems seemed to subside, but right before her 18th birthday I began to hear stories and find things on her computer that showed she was back to the same thing. On her 18th birthday she disappeared (1 month ago) after trying to create a conflict between us to give her a reason to runaway.

At this point I just want to understand and hang onto some hope that my daughter has a chance to someday have a normal life.

 

[KFld]

This is a new one to me. I would say she is doing it for the attention, but there has to be something else besides that. I would say there are other mental health issues going on here, that without being able to get her evaluated, you may never really understand what they are.

You said she dissapeared a month ago? Is she back, or have you not heard from her??

I'm glad you found us anyway, as there are many of us here who deal with actual addicts who really live in that world your daughter seems so obsessed with. Hopefully someone else here will have a litte more insight to why she is doing this.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Hi dlgallant, and welcome. Sorry you had to find us, but you have found a soft place to land.

Here is my opinion and advice, coming from a recovering drug addict.

She got some attention, liked it, and is now craving it. That is why she is doing what she is doing. I can't think of any other reason why she would pretend to be something she is not. The best thing you can do is ignore it. Really. If she is only doing it for attention, and she is not GETTING that attention, then she has no reason to do it.

Unfortunately, if she is using, you are absolutely powerless in making her get help. She will get help if and when she decides to. The very best thing you can do for yourself is check out Al-Anon. You need to take care of yourself even if she is not taking care of herself.

To put your mind at ease, it is possible for someone who uses drugs to turn things around and live a normal life. However, it is up to them. Them and God.

Hang in there. Gentle hugs and prayers your way.

 

[dlgallant]

Thank you both for the responses. Unfortunately, you are right there is a lot more going on. At age 10, her older brother was murdered. Add a narcissistic father diagnosed with anti-social PD who abused and molested her, and a rape on her last runaway and you have a very scarred young woman. I had hope 2 days ago when she made contact and said she was coming to see me, but she never showed up. She's staying with a young man that seems to truly believe that his training as a restaurant manager qualify him to be her personal therapist. She's thriving on the personal attention she's getting from her rescuer and he's obviously filling some inadequacies in his own life. He's reinforcing this negative behavior and encouraging her to stay away from her family. He's diagnosed this as a "mother-daughter thing" and appointed me the problem. My daughter and I get along beautifully except for her escapism behavior. I'll give her all the love and support she could need, but I won't condone self-destructive behavior and I expect her to accept accountability for her own actions.

On this last runaway, she stole my car and later abandoned it. The court system understands she's troubled and doesn't want to see her in jail, but they are trying to use the issue to force her into counseling. Unfortunately, her new guru is also acting as her legal advisor.

I almost didn't survive the death of my son, and the loss of my daughter now is almost unbearable.

 

[Loris]

My youngest son is the same way. He was caught with a bag of spices that he was trying to sell as the real thing. He has also told every therapist he has ever seen how badly we beat him. Unfortunately, he is now in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), as he really did start doing that. So far he has stopped at marijuana, as far as I'm aware. I hope the courts succeed at helping your daughter. I'm so sorry you're going through this with her.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

I too am so sorry that you are going through this. You need to take care of you. If you are not in therapy, you should consider it. Nobody is going to take care of you but you.

 

[Mikey]

Hi dlgallant, and welcome to our little corner of cyberspace. I hope that you hear some things here that will help, or at least give you some idea of how to approach this very tough issue. My two cents:

- I, too, have a child who works very hard to maintain an image as a druggie, but it isn't borne out in either his actions or his tests. He does use pot, but not to the extent he wants everyone to believe.

Why he craves that persona, we still don't know. It may be an attention thing, it may be his way of deflecting responsibility, it may be his way of rebelling against God-knows what (or some combination of the above). But we're working on it.

- I second the idea of getting help for yourself. Given the history and current circumstances, you won't be able to help anyone (including yourself) if you're paralyzed by what's happening. It wasn't until my wife and I sought help that we were able to see clearly and make some rational decsions about how to approach our problems with our son.

Whether or not we're now doing the "right thing" is debatable. But at least we're working with clear heads, we aren't paralyzed by emotions or the situation, and we have some hope of coming out better than when we started (for ourselves, if nothing else).

Again, welcome to CD, and I hope you find some help and peace here.

Mikey

 

[dlgallant]

I'm so grateful to everyone for the support. It's been such a draining month. I've not only had my daughter to deal with this month, but yesterday I had a death in the family, this morning I was bombarded with threatening text messages from my daughter's friend, and tonight my beloved boxer who has been helping me keep my sanity this last month was killed. Many times this month I found myself wishing that my daughter cared for me a fraction of what my drooling 4 legged baby girl did.

 

[CAmom]

Your post humbles me because I can clearly see that I have NO problems, relatively speaking, compared to what you're going through!

As much as my husband and I have loved our son from the moment of his birth, our four-legged friends have held a VERY special place in our hearts, so I totally sympathize with your loss. I'm SO, SO sorry!!!

You're dealing with so much right now, and it's GOT to be overwhelming. But, you're posting here and reaching out to others on this board, and that's such a healthy, positive thing to do.

PLEASE, keep doing so and know that people who understand what you're going through understand and will support you as best they can.

 

[Mikey]

CAMom is right. Please stay with us. Here you'll find people who understand, have "Been There Done That" (been there done that) many times over. I don't know about you, but for me having a place to write about what I'm going through helps. The fact that all the kind people here at CD are willing to listen is a bonus, and they aren't shy about sharing their own stories with you. Their perspective, experiences, and life stories have helped me understand so much more about my own issues with my son.

And sometimes, I even get to respond to other peoples posts, which helps as well because it's then that I realize that I'm not alone; we're not alone. And even if all I can do is send ((hugs)) and prayers for someone else in need, that is sometimes enough.

Stay here with us. Keep posting - there's always someone here that will listen.

And I'd like to humbly and respectfully urge you to find someone there to help you as well. You are going through a devastating situation, and I have no doubt that helping yourself is the first step to finding a path through the fog you're currently in.

Prayers of peace and grace for you and yours,

Mikey

 

[DDD]

Welcome. I have no experience with fabricated drug abuse but I
do have years of experience with dysfunctional but very much loved children (well 3 out of 8 are difficult children!). We also lost our
boxer this past year and haven't recovered from that loss yet.

Come sign in and vent or share as often as you can. This group
has helped me survive on days when it literally was hard to catch
my breath from hour to hour. We are a cyber family and glad to
have you join us. DDD

 

[SunnyFlorida]

Sorry you're having such a bad time. This is a great place to be.